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I Feel An Odd Sort Of Guilt


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Well hello. It's been years at this point but you guys helped me once and I figured its worth a shot again.  Also I really hope this is in the right forum, wasn't sure if I should put it here or in mental health. 

I've been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for almost a year. We are long distance. It's a very open and healthy relationship in my opinion. Unfortunately a couple months back I started getting bad intrusive thoughts about my relationship and sexuality. I've told him about it and I've been working through it. 

My boyfriend has also been going through some stuff, mostly his presentation and gender. I've had some intrusive thoughts along the lines of 'maybe you want a relationship with a woman so you know what its like to be in a truly lgbt relationship' which is stupid because I'm NB and neither of us are cis so its already an LGBT relationship. 

But my boyfriend recently decided to change his pronouns from he/him to he/she. This is something I fully support in every way but my intrusive thoughts kinda went silent. It was like I validated that and that they're relieved that I'm not in a relationship with a boy anymore (this is just her pronouns, he's still a boy). And now I just feel very guilty. I genuinely don't know what to do with this.  

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

Thanks for getting back in touch with us. I'm glad to hear that you have validated the desires you were experiencing; how have you been feeling since that happened? I'm wondering, can you tell me a little bit more about the guilt you're feeling? 

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The intrusive thoughts are a little less silent now. Its a lot of just, questioning if I actually liked him in the first place if I'm supposedly relieved now. Which isn't fair because I know I love him and this doesn't change anything but the intrusive thoughts are very loud so the guilt is kinda increasing. 

Maybe I was just relieved because the thoughts stopped for a little.  I really hope its that. 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

Ah, okay, thanks for explaining that. So, I'm wondering, how are you feeling towards him now in terms of liking him? This is in relation to what you said about not being sure in the first place. I wonder what those intrusive thoughts might be trying to tell you? 

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