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How Do I Be More Confident In My Identity?


Phantom
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(I’m not sure what to tag this for specifically, but what’s happening is that I have a lack of confidence in myself due to transphobia. I also being up dysphoria.) 

 

 

 


 

 

I was assigned female at birth, but I’m trans and identify as a demiguy as of right now (which means that I identify as partly but not fully male.) Sometimes, it feels impossible to trust my own identity because it feels like for every good thing I hear about trans people, I hear three bad things. It doesn’t make it better that my mom is very transphobic and wouldn’t accept me at all if I said I wanted to wear masculine clothing, let alone change my name and pronouns.

I feel incredibly uncomfortable with myself. I feel weird being called she/her or a girl and it makes me feel really sad. I feel like I’ll never be recognized the way I want to, and I feel incredibly alone.  At the same time, though, I feel like if I do transition I’m only going to get myself hurt somehow. At school boys call gay people f@gg0ts and it makes me super uncomfortable and I just wish I could disappear.

Does anybody have any advice on how to cope with something like this?

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I don’t think I can edit the post, but just for clarification, I didn’t know how to tag the post so I tagged it as other. If you’re curious about it, the post contains me talking about transphobia, dysphoria, and homophobia at my school. I wanted to flag it as something more specific but I wasn’t exactly sure what to put, and I don’t think i can change it now.

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5 hours ago, Phantom said:

(I’m not sure what to tag this for specifically, but what’s happening is that I have a lack of confidence in myself due to transphobia. I also being up dysphoria.) 


 

I was assigned female at birth, but I’m trans and identify as a demiguy as of right now (which means that I identify as partly but not fully male.) Sometimes, it feels impossible to trust my own identity because it feels like for every good thing I hear about trans people, I hear three bad things. It doesn’t make it better that my mom is very transphobic and wouldn’t accept me at all if I said I wanted to wear masculine clothing, let alone change my name and pronouns.

I feel incredibly uncomfortable with myself. I feel weird being called she/her or a girl and it makes me feel really sad. I feel like I’ll never be recognized the way I want to, and I feel incredibly alone.  At the same time, though, I feel like if I do transition I’m only going to get myself hurt somehow. At school boys call gay people f@gg0ts and it makes me super uncomfortable and I just wish I could disappear.

Does anybody have any advice on how to cope with something like this?

What about coming out to one or two people who you know can keep a secret and dont seem in with calling people f***ots and working from there. also, you could try wearing masculine clothes under a jacket and take said jacket off when you leave your house.

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1 hour ago, Emberfrost12 said:

What about coming out to one or two people who you know can keep a secret and dont seem in with calling people f***ots and working from there. also, you could try wearing masculine clothes under a jacket and take said jacket off when you leave your house.

The problem is, I really don’t know anyone at my school, and my parents are very strict and wouldn’t let me buy clothes of my own.

On the bright side, I do have some hoodies I wear a lot and even though they have feminine designs I feel better wearing them because it hides my chest. Maybe i could try to convince my parents to let me get fairly neutral clothes for the winter?

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Just now, Phantom said:

The problem is, I really don’t know anyone at my school, and my parents are very strict and wouldn’t let me buy clothes of my own.

On the bright side, I do have some hoodies I wear a lot and even though they have feminine designs I feel better wearing them because it hides my chest. Maybe i could try to convince my parents to let me get fairly neutral clothes for the winter?

ok. ill think about this

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16 hours ago, Phantom said:

(I’m not sure what to tag this for specifically, but what’s happening is that I have a lack of confidence in myself due to transphobia. I also being up dysphoria.) 


 

I was assigned female at birth, but I’m trans and identify as a demiguy as of right now (which means that I identify as partly but not fully male.) Sometimes, it feels impossible to trust my own identity because it feels like for every good thing I hear about trans people, I hear three bad things. It doesn’t make it better that my mom is very transphobic and wouldn’t accept me at all if I said I wanted to wear masculine clothing, let alone change my name and pronouns.

I feel incredibly uncomfortable with myself. I feel weird being called she/her or a girl and it makes me feel really sad. I feel like I’ll never be recognized the way I want to, and I feel incredibly alone.  At the same time, though, I feel like if I do transition I’m only going to get myself hurt somehow. At school boys call gay people f@gg0ts and it makes me super uncomfortable and I just wish I could disappear.

Does anybody have any advice on how to cope with something like this?

Hello @Phantom

Thank you for coming to us for support. It sounds like you're concerned about quite a few things at the moment which I totally get from what you've explained. How are you feeling after writing all of that down? I just wanted to ask because people can often find that opening up about their struggles can make them feel a bit better and like the problem has less power over them.

I really like some of the tips that have already been mentioned here, such as wearing more neutral clothing. I wonder, could you possibly ask for underwear that looks more neutral, or even socks and t shirts? For example, underwear that looks more like boxers Those kinds of clothing can tend to be a bit more gender neutral in a way if you pick the right ones, so that might help you to feel more comfortable for now. Also, I'm wondering, when you think to yourself, do you recognise your true pronouns? If not, maybe you can liberate yourself by using your true pronouns in your head, and if you feel comfortable, maybe giving yourself a new name that reflects your identity more and using it in your head. What do you think? 

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1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hello @Phantom

Thank you for coming to us for support. It sounds like you're concerned about quite a few things at the moment which I totally get from what you've explained. How are you feeling after writing all of that down? I just wanted to ask because people can often find that opening up about their struggles can make them feel a bit better and like the problem has less power over them.

I really like some of the tips that have already been mentioned here, such as wearing more neutral clothing. I wonder, could you possibly ask for underwear that looks more neutral, or even socks and t shirts? For example, underwear that looks more like boxers Those kinds of clothing can tend to be a bit more gender neutral in a way if you pick the right ones, so that might help you to feel more comfortable for now. Also, I'm wondering, when you think to yourself, do you recognise your true pronouns? If not, maybe you can liberate yourself by using your true pronouns in your head, and if you feel comfortable, maybe giving yourself a new name that reflects your identity more and using it in your head. What do you think? 

Thank you, I feel like that would help me a lot. I fo have an idea of what my true pronouns are, but i never really used them for myself in my head.

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21 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

ok. ill think about this

So, you said that you don't know anyone at your school. I think that you should work on getting to know people even if it's just saying hi to people who sit around you or talking to them, depending on how ready you are. Break the ice. Try to get to know their perspective and create friendships with them, and if you think it's safe, come out to them and use that as a starting point  . Do NOT come out if there's any risk to your safety.

Tell me what you think. If you don't think you can do this, tell me and I'll figure something else out. I know that it's going to take a while, but I think it's going to be worth it. I also know that this was a long post. 🙂

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22 hours ago, Phantom said:

Thank you, I feel like that would help me a lot. I fo have an idea of what my true pronouns are, but i never really used them for myself in my head.

Hey there,

Yeah, it can be a really useful tip for people who aren't out yet. Why don't you try it for a week and let us know how you feel at the end of it? 🙂

 

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1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, it can be a really useful tip for people who aren't out yet. Why don't you try it for a week and let us know how you feel at the end of it? 🙂

Ok, i will do that. Thank you again.

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