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Hi, I'm new here.. Umm I need your advise

So I've been thinking that I may be a lesbian, but I never dated a girl before. I've dated a man 3 times before. It's been 3 years since the last time I dated someone. I broke up with him because he was such a liar, big talk without an action and always blaming me for all the mistakes. I really trusted him from the first day we met, coz he was so sweet to me. who wouldn't believe if someone really sweet to you right?  But it turn out he was just a player, he talks sweet to every girl he close with. And the worst part is he nearly do "something" to me without my permission, it could be called rape right? Coz I don't wanna do it!! Yeah, after that incident I ran away from him and cried, I'm so f mad at him and I tell myself that we were done!! After experienced something like that I-, seems like I couldn't trust a men who approached me, I always reject them coz I don't want to be hurt again coz the last person I met was a jerk and the worse among all of my ex!! 

 

But it's different if the person is a girl, I could imagine myself with a girl and I didn't feel gross  like I don't really mind about it, I could accept it. Am I a lesbian now? But I'm not so sure.. What do you guys think should I do? I just want to make sure what my sexuality is :<

I'm sorry for my bad English and  if this is too long to read  <(_ _)> Thanks before~~

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Hey @Vii

Welcome to our community 🙂

I'm sorry to hear that your ex was a player and was disrespectful towards you, and it sounds like you did the right thing by moving on, especially as he tried to do something to you without your permission. I'm wondering, did you speak with the police about what happened? How are you feeling about it all? I hope you're okay, but if you're not, we are here for you. I can totally get why you now struggle to trust men after that experience. 

Also, it's interesting that when you imagine yourself with a girl, it doesn't feel gross. I'm wondering, can you tell me more about this, please? 

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2 hours ago, Vii said:

Hi, I'm new here.. Umm I need your advise

So I've been thinking that I may be a lesbian, but I never dated a girl before. I've dated a man 3 times before. It's been 3 years since the last time I dated someone. I broke up with him because he was such a liar, big talk without an action and always blaming me for all the mistakes. I really trusted him from the first day we met, coz he was so sweet to me. who wouldn't believe if someone really sweet to you right?  But it turn out he was just a player, he talks sweet to every girl he close with. And the worst part is he nearly do "something" to me without my permission, it could be called rape right? Coz I don't wanna do it!! Yeah, after that incident I ran away from him and cried, I'm so f mad at him and I tell myself that we were done!! After experienced something like that I-, seems like I couldn't trust a men who approached me, I always reject them coz I don't want to be hurt again coz the last person I met was a jerk and the worse among all of my ex!! 

But it's different if the person is a girl, I could imagine myself with a girl and I didn't feel gross  like I don't really mind about it, I could accept it. Am I a lesbian now? But I'm not so sure.. What do you guys think should I do? I just want to make sure what my sexuality is :<

I'm sorry for my bad English and  if this is too long to read  <(_ _)> Thanks before~~

it is rape and i would talk to the police ditch the label and support you with reporting it, I reported my rape and I got supported through out the whole thing, I will post a link to a website that supports women in talking and reporting their attacks, as we care! I felt stuck when I got abused it was tricky I started self injuring myself but I am now free and I have a little girl but I hope you can feel safe around men and keep talking welcome to the community, https://rapecrisis.org.uk/  they can help by phone 0808 802 9999  Webchat and  you can find your nearest rape centre to you 🙂 hugs, Lilly ❤️ 

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Keep smiling beautiful 

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4 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @Vii

Welcome to our community 🙂

I'm sorry to hear that your ex was a player and was disrespectful towards you, and it sounds like you did the right thing by moving on, especially as he tried to do something to you without your permission. I'm wondering, did you speak with the police about what happened? How are you feeling about it all? I hope you're okay, but if you're not, we are here for you. I can totally get why you now struggle to trust men after that experience. 

Also, it's interesting that when you imagine yourself with a girl, it doesn't feel gross. I'm wondering, can you tell me more about this, please? 

I didn't report it to the police, I'm only telling my best friend at that time, I'm still in shock and never ever think he would do such a thing.. Of course I'm not okay I feel so dirty after he kissed and touched me. I always blaming myself for what happened, that I couldn't protect myself from a man like him. But as the time goes by I'm ok now, it's just whenever I remembered the incident I couldn't control my anger like I really really want to throw all my anger to him.  I never want to forgive him! 

Basically it's coz my best friend told me "could you ever imagine doing something with a girl? If you feel gross you are straight!", after she told me that, I start to questioning my sexuality coz I don't feel gross at all. I be like  "it's better than doing it with a man now". Also I've been thinking if there's a girl asking me for a date I'd think about it before, and probably would accept her. 

But again I'm not sure am I lesbian or not, or maybe this is just a curiosity?

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10 hours ago, Vii said:

I didn't report it to the police, I'm only telling my best friend at that time, I'm still in shock and never ever think he would do such a thing.. Of course I'm not okay I feel so dirty after he kissed and touched me. I always blaming myself for what happened, that I couldn't protect myself from a man like him. But as the time goes by I'm ok now, it's just whenever I remembered the incident I couldn't control my anger like I really really want to throw all my anger to him.  I never want to forgive him! 

Basically it's coz my best friend told me "could you ever imagine doing something with a girl? If you feel gross you are straight!", after she told me that, I start to questioning my sexuality coz I don't feel gross at all. I be like  "it's better than doing it with a man now". Also I've been thinking if there's a girl asking me for a date I'd think about it before, and probably would accept her. 

But again I'm not sure am I lesbian or not, or maybe this is just a curiosity?

Hello @Vii

Thank you for sharing this with me. It's really common to feel dirty and like you were to blame after something like this happened. However, it is never the fault of the person who was abused, only the person who did it. It can be really hard to accept that though, and I just want you to know that we are here to support you every step of the way. How does it feel to get all of this off your chest by the way? I hope you're finding it helpful talking about what happened. Can I just check, are you safe from this person now?

Also, thank you for explaining what you meant by not feeling gross. I think that at this point, it's hard to say what your sexuality is, and that if you can, it might be good to explore a little more and find out. What do you think? 

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40 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hello @Vii

Thank you for sharing this with me. It's really common to feel dirty and like you were to blame after something like this happened. However, it is never the fault of the person who was abused, only the person who did it. It can be really hard to accept that though, and I just want you to know that we are here to support you every step of the way. How does it feel to get all of this off your chest by the way? I hope you're finding it helpful talking about what happened. Can I just check, are you safe from this person now?

Also, thank you for explaining what you meant by not feeling gross. I think that at this point, it's hard to say what your sexuality is, and that if you can, it might be good to explore a little more and find out. What do you think? 

Yes thank you so much I feel more relieved now because it's hard for me to talking about this matters before, I'm scared everybody would judge me for not being able to protect myself. Also I'm safe from that man now, not long after that incident I came back to my hometown. I was at the city for my education, and thank God I manage to finished it so I could came home and start my new journey without him! 

Actually I really really want to explore it more, but I'm scared of my family if they ever found out about this. They're kinda strict, and religious. Or should I just hide this matters from them? :<

15 hours ago, Lillyrose4 said:

it is rape and i would talk to the police ditch the label and support you with reporting it, I reported my rape and I got supported through out the whole thing, I will post a link to a website that supports women in talking and reporting their attacks, as we care! I felt stuck when I got abused it was tricky I started self injuring myself but I am now free and I have a little girl but I hope you can feel safe around men and keep talking welcome to the community, https://rapecrisis.org.uk/  they can help by phone 0808 802 9999  Webchat and  you can find your nearest rape centre to you 🙂 hugs, Lilly ❤️ 

Is it too late if I report him now? Because it's been 3 years already. Also I don't have any evidence, I deleted all things about him already.. 

Anyways thank you so much for your support ♡♡

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4 hours ago, Vii said:

Yes thank you so much I feel more relieved now because it's hard for me to talking about this matters before, I'm scared everybody would judge me for not being able to protect myself. Also I'm safe from that man now, not long after that incident I came back to my hometown. I was at the city for my education, and thank God I manage to finished it so I could came home and start my new journey without him! 

Actually I really really want to explore it more, but I'm scared of my family if they ever found out about this. They're kinda strict, and religious. Or should I just hide this matters from them? :<

Is it too late if I report him now? Because it's been 3 years already. Also I don't have any evidence, I deleted all things about him already.. 

Anyways thank you so much for your support ♡♡

never too late to report you can report at any time we can support you. you don't need evidence the investigators will understand and will help you ❤️ 

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Keep smiling beautiful 

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9 hours ago, Lillyrose4 said:

never too late to report you can report at any time we can support you. you don't need evidence the investigators will understand and will help you ❤️ 

Ah thank you!! now I feel more and more safe after knowing this♡

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On 10/20/2021 at 11:40 AM, Vii said:

Yes thank you so much I feel more relieved now because it's hard for me to talking about this matters before, I'm scared everybody would judge me for not being able to protect myself. Also I'm safe from that man now, not long after that incident I came back to my hometown. I was at the city for my education, and thank God I manage to finished it so I could came home and start my new journey without him! 

Actually I really really want to explore it more, but I'm scared of my family if they ever found out about this. They're kinda strict, and religious. Or should I just hide this matters from them? :<

Is it too late if I report him now? Because it's been 3 years already. Also I don't have any evidence, I deleted all things about him already.. 

Anyways thank you so much for your support ♡♡

Hello @Vii

How are you feeling today?

It's completely normal to fear judgement from other people over this. There is a huge amount of shame experienced by people who are violated in this way, and I just want you to know that this is a safe space where you are free to express yourself, and we will never judge you. I'm really glad to hear that you are safe from him now. It is never too late to report it, and as Lilly said, the service you report to will understand and help you. What do you think?

Also, yes, it definitely would be good to explore your sexuality more. I'm wondering, how do you think they would react if you did tell them? 

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11 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hello @Vii

How are you feeling today?

It's completely normal to fear judgement from other people over this. There is a huge amount of shame experienced by people who are violated in this way, and I just want you to know that this is a safe space where you are free to express yourself, and we will never judge you. I'm really glad to hear that you are safe from him now. It is never too late to report it, and as Lilly said, the service you report to will understand and help you. What do you think?

Also, yes, it definitely would be good to explore your sexuality more. I'm wondering, how do you think they would react if you did tell them? 

I'm good thank you!! 

I think I just need a little more time to be brave to report this case. But I'm glad that everyone in here are supporting me, thank you so much! 

My family, they are likely an old fashioned I mean they are not an open minded people and wouldn't accept something like this. If I tell them, I'm sure they will be surprised and I'll be kicked out of the house and my parents will definitely not considered me as their daughter again😂. It will be difficult for me coz I don't want it to be happen. 

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Hello @Vii

I'm glad that you are feeling supported here. We are here for you every step of the way, and you can talk to us about absolutely anything and we will be here for you. Is there anyone that could come with you to report it? I think it's good to have that extra support to help you through such an experience.

Also, I'm sorry to hear that they wouldn't accept something like this. I'm wondering, can you tell me a little bit more about why you feel like they would respond this way? I'm just wondering because the love that parents have for their child is so strong and helps even the most closed of minds to open up. What do you think? 

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On 10/22/2021 at 4:10 PM, Monsoon said:

Hello @Vii

I'm glad that you are feeling supported here. We are here for you every step of the way, and you can talk to us about absolutely anything and we will be here for you. Is there anyone that could come with you to report it? I think it's good to have that extra support to help you through such an experience.

Also, I'm sorry to hear that they wouldn't accept something like this. I'm wondering, can you tell me a little bit more about why you feel like they would respond this way? I'm just wondering because the love that parents have for their child is so strong and helps even the most closed of minds to open up. What do you think? 

I think my bestie could come with me, she also said that I should just report him. But yeah, I'm still not ready for now.. 

Basically because my parents are religious, they think people who like the same-sex are against the law and couldn't be accepted. Especially my father, although I'm very close to him but he is strict and always remind me to stay away from things like this. About my mom, I'm not sure coz I'm not that close to her. But she is the same as religious as my father, so I think she would react the same as him. Also there has never been anyone in my family who act like me, so I'm sure they will be very surprised. However, as the time goes by maybe the will open up their minds a little. Although I'm not sure, but maybe... Maybe I could just wait for the right time to come and finally tell them. 

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Hey,

How are you doing today?

Yeah, it would be good to take your best friend for that extra support when you do report as I think it will be really helpful. Also, I'm glad that you feel that they maybe will open their minds a little as time goes on. I think that there are plenty of parents out there who have the same views as yours at first, but when their child comes out, it really forces them to challenge their beliefs and become accepting because of that love they have for their child. What do you think? 

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On 10/24/2021 at 5:40 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey,

How are you doing today?

Yeah, it would be good to take your best friend for that extra support when you do report as I think it will be really helpful. Also, I'm glad that you feel that they maybe will open their minds a little as time goes on. I think that there are plenty of parents out there who have the same views as yours at first, but when their child comes out, it really forces them to challenge their beliefs and become accepting because of that love they have for their child. What do you think? 

I'm doing well thank you! 

Yes I think it will be the best for me to wait for the right time come, I also need times to mentally prepared myself before tell them the truth.

Thank you so much for listening to me and giving me advise. It was really helpful for me! So glad that I found this community ♡

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3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

No worries; we are happy to help 🙂

Is there anything else you would like support with right now? 

Mhmm I think there's nothing else for now but, thank you.. 

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