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I think I went too far.


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So, my friend just moved back from another state, and I've been really exited to see him. He's changed a lot, and he seems very open and accepting to people. Now the thing is: my memory of him was sorta from before I realized I was gay, and when we met up for the first time in like three years, I was completely shocked to find out that he was WAY more handsome than I remembered. 

But the thing was, he also would act gay for a laugh, and I would sorta laugh along with him (because I haven't come out) And I thought it was all well and good, because I had read from some random article online that some guys would test out their sexuality by passing it off as a joke, so I believed that I might have a chance. And he continued, and still continues to act gay to make people laugh, and after a while, I decided (Why on earth, or how on earth I was so stupid I still have no idea) to ask him, I quote: "All joking aside, and in all seriousness, do you like guys?" 

He looked really weirded out, and eventually said no, and since I had absolutely no plan beyond asking him, just responded with "Okay." 

I had asked this as we were packing up to leave a coffee shop, and I tried to change the topic on our way out. We said goodbye and drove off, and I screamed at myself in the car for being as stupid as I was. And since he and I are on a group chat together with some other people, I saw some of his messages, and he still was joking around, pretending to be gay. Anyway, it was infuriating that he still treated it like a joke. 

My bigger worry is that I might have gone too far in asking him if he was gay, what are your guys' opinion?

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @ElijahB

I think that you were fine to ask if he was gay. It's pretty confusing to see someone act like this a lot, and it does make you wonder, especially if you find them attractive. However, it does raise the question as to whether it really is a joke to act gay, because what does it even mean when you think about it? How does it make you feel when you see him acting gay? 

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When he acts like that, it feels just plain disingenuous, like I know he thinks its a joke, and maybe if it were just once it might've been fine, but I think it gets old really quick.  I guess when he first did it, it felt fine because I thought there was a chance, but then after he said no, and still acted like that, it felt (weird?) I guess? 

 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

I’m glad to hear it doesn’t feel any different. It can sometimes be a bit awkward moving past a moment like this, but it sounds like it’s all going well for you two 🙂

How is everything else going? Would you like support with other things? 

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