im ugly and i hate myself

[zero]

i hate myself so much i dont know what to do i have been sat in my bed all day feeling so ugly crying for atleast 4 hours now and my eyes are all swollen i hate myself so much i wish i looked different i have a fat nose i have spots all over my body and my face i have a big forhead and gap teeths i hate everything about myself i hate being here i hate going outside and showing my face but its weird because i dont show that im insecure to other people ill act like im the best and im happy with myself but im really not i dont know what to do ive tried everything ive worn makeup used different beauty products changed my diet to change the way i look but nothing ever works i always feel the same or i might think i look good for some time and the second someone says something to me about my feautues  thats it i hate myself i find myself revolting ive been struggling with the way i look for over 3 years now i dont know what to do to change the way i feel i have a counseller but i dont feel comfertable talking to anyone in real life its much easier on text 

Edited September 25, 2021 by Daisie

[Monsoon]

Hey @zero

Welcome to our community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give support to our members who reach out to us.

I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time at the moment with how you think and feel about yourself. It must be really tricky for you right now to see a way forward, but I just want to say that it's great that you've opened up to us about this. Acknowledging the problem and asking others for help are the two most important steps to getting yourself on the right path, so that's really good. We are here for you now. You can talk to us.

Before I give you more support, I'm just feeling concerned about your wellbeing atm. I saw that you said you hate being here and I'm wondering, are you feeling suicidal? If you are, please know that there are plenty of things you can do to stay safe. You can find information on helplines to call anywhere in the world via this link: https://help.befrienders.org/settings/ You can call them if you're struggling and they will be there for you. Please also know that you can go to your accident and emergency department if you're feeling this way and you can speak with us at any time. We are here for you.

Once I know how you're doing with this, I can then support you more. I hope to hear back from you soon. Take care and stay safe. 

 

[zero]

 at times i do feel suicidal i have attempted about three times now i have to go to camhs too but ive decided i dont want the help and told them ive got enough supposrt around me for example ive also got a social worker i do need the help but i dont think its going to work so theres no point  also  i dont know why but sometimes i get really angry at the smallest things stupid things that dont even matter make me have the biggest outbursts and ill scream at everyone in the house and maybe even at times self harm ive been getting some help from my school counseller as theyre also aware of this but its not making a difference i want to talk about the way i feel but i cant its so much easier doing it on anonymous or on text

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that you feel suicidal. Can I ask, do you have a plan to take your own life? I want you to know that if you are feeling that way right now, or if you feel it again, you can speak to us, call one of the crisis hotlines via the Befrienders link, tell someone close to you how you feel, or go to your A&E department. There is plenty of help available out there, and I know you can get through this. You are strong. 

It's good that you have a lot of support around you, but I noticed what you said about needing the help, but not thinking that it's going to work. I'm curious to know, how come you think that? With the self-harming, I'm wondering, does this help you? I know that people can do it for a few reasons, like a way of coping, a cry for help, and to feel a sense of control, to name a few. 

I completely get what you're saying about how you want to talk about the way you feel and that it's much easier doing it anonymously or on text. Would you like to talk about your feelings with us? We are here to listen to you. This is a completely safe and non-judgemental space. 

[Beatrice]

Understand that perfect people do not exist. There are people who have turned visible flaws into their advantages, into unique features. Of course, if you compare yourself with photos on the covers of magazines, you can go crazy, but in real life, models are also people with their own flaws. You see, the problem is not the lack of flaws. You can be born very beautiful, but at the same time disfigure your beauty, or you can have a mediocre appearance by nature, but be a star who attracts the attention of everyone around you. This needs to be learned, now it is much easier to do it thanks to open access to information. This is a very difficult step, but I advise you to do a professional photo shoot. A great photographer will help you see how beautiful you are. Feel free to experiment with perfumes. A good scent builds self-confidence. I would recommend trying vanilla perfumes.

Edited June 7, 2021 by Blondie
Removed link

[zero]

i dont plan on taking my own life i only think about it if that makes sense? and i dont think its going to work as i have been feeling like this for so long the self harm does help me i kind of think of it like i cant change the hurt i feel on the inside but i control it on the outside it lets me feel like im in control 

[akdjhsdlh]

9 hours ago, zero said:

i dont plan on taking my own life i only think about it if that makes sense? and i dont think its going to work as i have been feeling like this for so long the self harm does help me i kind of think of it like i cant change the hurt i feel on the inside but i control it on the outside it lets me feel like im in control 

yea same, I connect with you. honestly, it’s not that i wanna die, but I just feel so miserable and hopeless that nothing can change, that I just feel like dying, but in reality all I want is to do the things I like, wear what I want, and just live a happy life overall. But because of my appearance I can’t, so I resonate with you. It’s hurts so bad thinking bad to everybody who has called me ugly, I remember every word and where it was said crystal clear, and I know that the people that said that probably don’t even care to remember which makes me realize how much of an outcast and useless I am to others. It’s not that I’m deformed. I’m just ugly, and it’s more of a practical problem than me thinking I am ugly. I think I’m ugly, and others also point out things I myself am insecure about. Literally everytime I take a picture or look in the mirror,  and look at myself there are so many things wrong. I went to multiple therapists since none of them had an answer,  all they give me is breathing excercises and referred me to a new person so they could just dismiss me, when I really  I need a solution to correct my appearance. I worry about my eyes, nose, chin, lack of fat in my face, my bad skin, etc. i honestly feel hopeless, the only real solution is plastic surgery, I’ve thought about going to South Korea for surgery since its cheap, everyone there is highly skilled, and the results are very natural which is exactly what I need. I just want a normal or good looking face so I can live on with my life and be able to get a job and be happy with myself. But of course, there is only so much surgery can do, it’s limited which is the reality. So most of the times I think I’m so ugly not even surgery will help. I consulted with multiple doctors who are highly educated and pretty well respected, and they quoted me around anywhere from $13,000-$20,000. I don’t have much money since I’m only 17 and a junior in hs. Im probably going to take a loan out, my parents can’t pay since they have their own things to take care of. I have thought of the fact that what if I do surgery, and I still get treated bad or I still look ugly, then what am I gonna do with my life. I feel so hurt and depressed, I hate going outside not because I don’t like outside, but I feel really judged and sometimes get dirty stares. Thank god for masks, I can hide for now, but I have a whole life ahead of me, how am I supposed to live like this. Not to add, looks aren’t forever, once I age overtime and become different looking, I have to make sure I can accept that my looks aren’t everything which is why I still will probably get therapy even after plastic surgery. As long as I know that I have done the most I have possibly can even after spending a large sum of money like that, I may be able to settle down and live a normal life like all other people my age. It’s sad seeing myself with basically no  friends, I never take pictures or show my face anywhere, I’m quiet, and I just cry all the time. It’s gotten to the point where I’m numb. I don’t know if I’m on the right path or mindset about how I am trying to solve my problem. If anyone wants to respond that would be nice. It’s not that I was born ugly, it’s more like onetime all these problems all happened, and now everything is messed up. I used to have extremely bad teeth, one of the worst cases my orthodontics at University of California San Francisco, ever saw in their career, and those got fixed, so I have some hope. But since the past 3 or 4 years I have been really struggling and depressed about my face (sorry for the long paragraph )

[Monsoon]

23 hours ago, zero said:

i dont plan on taking my own life i only think about it if that makes sense? and i dont think its going to work as i have been feeling like this for so long the self harm does help me i kind of think of it like i cant change the hurt i feel on the inside but i control it on the outside it lets me feel like im in control 

Hey @zero

Thanks for explaining this to me. I completely get why it helps you to feel in control. Have you read our support guide here? https://www.ditchthelabel.org/15-safer-alternatives-to-self-harm/ - it has loads of tips for satisfying the need to self-harm in a safer way. Why don't you pick out a few to try and let me know which ones you choose? Also, I'm glad to hear that you don't plan on taking your own life. If you do start to plan this, just know that you can speak with us here. I've already mentioned this, but you can call one of the suicide helplines (they have people who will talk to you for free and offer support) available here: https://www.befrienders.org (there's an option to find a helpline in your country).

How are you feeling today?

[Monsoon]

13 hours ago, akdjhsdlh said:

yea same, I connect with you. honestly, it’s not that i wanna die, but I just feel so miserable and hopeless that nothing can change, that I just feel like dying, but in reality all I want is to do the things I like, wear what I want, and just live a happy life overall. But because of my appearance I can’t, so I resonate with you. It’s hurts so bad thinking bad to everybody who has called me ugly, I remember every word and where it was said crystal clear, and I know that the people that said that probably don’t even care to remember which makes me realize how much of an outcast and useless I am to others. It’s not that I’m deformed. I’m just ugly, and it’s more of a practical problem than me thinking I am ugly. I think I’m ugly, and others also point out things I myself am insecure about. Literally everytime I take a picture or look in the mirror,  and look at myself there are so many things wrong. I went to multiple therapists since none of them had an answer,  all they give me is breathing excercises and referred me to a new person so they could just dismiss me, when I really  I need a solution to correct my appearance. I worry about my eyes, nose, chin, lack of fat in my face, my bad skin, etc. i honestly feel hopeless, the only real solution is plastic surgery, I’ve thought about going to South Korea for surgery since its cheap, everyone there is highly skilled, and the results are very natural which is exactly what I need. I just want a normal or good looking face so I can live on with my life and be able to get a job and be happy with myself. But of course, there is only so much surgery can do, it’s limited which is the reality. So most of the times I think I’m so ugly not even surgery will help. I consulted with multiple doctors who are highly educated and pretty well respected, and they quoted me around anywhere from $13,000-$20,000. I don’t have much money since I’m only 17 and a junior in hs. Im probably going to take a loan out, my parents can’t pay since they have their own things to take care of. I have thought of the fact that what if I do surgery, and I still get treated bad or I still look ugly, then what am I gonna do with my life. I feel so hurt and depressed, I hate going outside not because I don’t like outside, but I feel really judged and sometimes get dirty stares. Thank god for masks, I can hide for now, but I have a whole life ahead of me, how am I supposed to live like this. Not to add, looks aren’t forever, once I age overtime and become different looking, I have to make sure I can accept that my looks aren’t everything which is why I still will probably get therapy even after plastic surgery. As long as I know that I have done the most I have possibly can even after spending a large sum of money like that, I may be able to settle down and live a normal life like all other people my age. It’s sad seeing myself with basically no  friends, I never take pictures or show my face anywhere, I’m quiet, and I just cry all the time. It’s gotten to the point where I’m numb. I don’t know if I’m on the right path or mindset about how I am trying to solve my problem. If anyone wants to respond that would be nice. It’s not that I was born ugly, it’s more like onetime all these problems all happened, and now everything is messed up. I used to have extremely bad teeth, one of the worst cases my orthodontics at University of California San Francisco, ever saw in their career, and those got fixed, so I have some hope. But since the past 3 or 4 years I have been really struggling and depressed about my face (sorry for the long paragraph )

Hey there. I just want you to know that I've replied to your comment on the post you created. Thanks for being so open with us. We are here for you.