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Questioning Sexuality


Shauna    

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Hi I'm 19 and I expected to have this figured out by now but I really don't know who I am. I've only ever dated boys so I know I like them and there is no question about that. But with girls I am sexually attracted to them, this I know but I'm very unsure if I would be able to catch feelings for a girl or romantically date one. This area is so new to me and I started exploring in college and now I don't know but I look for girls more than boys now but I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to be unsure about liking a girl and leave that girl feeling upset and even used  because I know how that feels like. There is a million questions in my head and I just don't know how to answer them. Early on in college I stopped labelling myself as straight, bisexual etc because I knew that I didn't know myself so it made me more comfortable to just go with the flow.  then again not using a label just makes me more unsure and mad at myself for not knowing who I am.  I have a lot of sexual thoughts about women and have had sex with two women but who does this make me? This seems stupid asking a stranger online but me and my friends have drifted and they know who they are, which makes me kinda ashamed for not knowing.  I just don't know if I would date a women is all. I hope someone replies and tries to help me with this, I just joined the site.

Edited by Shauna
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I don't know a lot about this but from reading what you wrote it depends mostly on you like did you feel that same emotion you felt with the women when you dated the boys? do you still want to date boys? do you have a preference in either? if you like both the same amount I think bisexual but if you don't care and just like their personality that's pansexual but if you just like women and just felt like the relationship you had with those boys just felt like a close friendship then you're lesbain but even if we keep those in mind there is many endless sexualities out there that you need to look into and see what feel like you more. there is aromantic , demisexual , etc. I left a link in here to help you out. hope this helped!

https://waaids.com/item/736-sexuality.html

 

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Hey @Shauna

Welcome to our community :)

Thank you for telling me about your feelings and being so open.  You’re doing the right thing by asking others for help. It’s so easy to compare yourself to people who know their sexuality, but just know that questioning what you like/prefer is nothing to be ashamed of. Loads of people go through the same thing :)

I think that exploring more could help you to answer these questions. To avoid hurting feelings, you could just be open with them and say that you’re currently trying to figure this out so that you’re on the same page from the beginning. What do you think? 
 

Also, what do you think of the comment by @gAYInHere? Just remember that you don’t have to feel the same about both men and women to be bisexual.

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

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  • 2 weeks later...

@Monsoon @gAYInHere thanks for replying .  I do think I have a preference for boys but I get the same nerves as I would around a girl that I do around a boy. Maybe I’m pan because I look for personalities more but I still don’t know. It’s something I tried exploring when I was younger around 14/15 but I didn’t really get anywhere and since then my relationships have just been with boys. I’m still very confused and I know there’s no shame in that but it makes me angry/upset at myself for really not knowing who I am.. I haven’t ever caught feelings for any girl being completely honest but I find myself trying to impress women at the same time does this make sense? Idk

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Hey @Shauna,

I get what you're saying about being angry/upset for not really knowing who you are. The thing is, getting to know these things can really take a long time which can be frustrating when you just want the answers. It's important to try and trust the process and find peace in the uncertainty, knowing that one day, you will have the answers. What do you think?

I wonder if it could be good to maybe date more? That is usually the best way to answer these qs!

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

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