20 and never been in love (or idk if I have)

[Anahita]

Hi!

So I’m back again after a while. This time I’ve got a different problem— am I aromantic? Or have I just not found the right person? The question is starting to bother me a little and I want to stop it before it turns into an emotional turmoil.

 

Here’s some background info:

I’ve never been around guys much and the school I went to is very conservative. There weren’t a lot of “good� guys (I’ve only liked guys so far) there although I had a crush on one, I wanted to get to know him and be romantically involved. It didn’t happen and I moved on.

I’ve had crushes on celebrities and I got lucky during high school, and found a guy I liked. I think I was infatuated with him, I’m not sure if what I felt at that time was love. Now we’re still together but I don’t know if I’m in love. I’m not asexual, but I don’t feel physically attracted to him very much. I have had a couple of male friends who I was close friends with and wasn’t attracted to in any way but I liked the attention I got and made the mistake of giving them hopes only to say no and turn them away so I have an issue with telling the difference between love and friendship. I didn’t do any of those intentionally and I feel sorry for it. I have a single parent and a huge father wound as well (parents separated, filed for divorce and he died before it was finalised; he never visited me and forgot that I existed)

 

I like the idea of love and want to be in a romantic relationship. I’m willing to commit and be involved with only that person, and I’m not okay if they aren’t in love with me or if they only want platonic love. I may say “eww� to a relationship if you ask me but deep down I really want one too. I want to be with someone I know I’m in love with. Maybe I’m too inexperienced to even have this doubt and I know I have time to figure that out. But I’m so confused now if I haven’t met someone I like or if I’m just incapable of having any romantic feelings. It’s really starting to mess with my head.

 

Any advice or thoughts on this will be helpful, thanks!

[Monsoon]

Hey@Anahita

 

Welcome back. Thanks for explaining what's going on for you atm. Can I check, how would you define someone who is aromantic? What does it mean to you?

 

From what you've said, it seems like you've had a physical attraction to someone before, but that you're not sure if you're in love with the person you're going out with. Is that right? I think the fact that you like the idea of love and want to be in a romantic relationship indicates to me that you probably aren't aromantic, as my definition of this is someone who has no interest in a romantic relationship.

 

As you say, it might just be that you haven't found that person who you feel romantically towards yet. What do you think?