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I feel like I've become a horrible friend


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Recently one of my closest friends cut me off from his life. He told me I was selfish, whiny, and that I was just using him for his car. The thing that upset me the most was that I wasn't even aware I was treating him badly. I used to constantly put other people's needs above my own, but after being taken advantage of because of my people-pleasing tendencies, I've been trying to focus on myself too. But now I just feel like I'm becoming an awful person that doesn't consider other people's needs. This friend would drive me everywhere and I didn't even think to offer paying for gas. I also feel like I would talk to much about my own issues and it came across as self-absorbed and whiny. Plus I would always try to get him to hang out with me and my other friends even though he didn't like them that much. I feel like a really awful person for neglecting his needs and not listening to him enough. I don't want to ever make one of my friends feel like that again and I don't know what to do right now. I'm afraid to hang out with people because what if I hurt someone else and lose more friends

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Welcome to our community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and it's my job to give advice and support to those who reach out to us.


I'm sorry to hear that they have cut you off from their life. I can imagine that this must be really upsetting for you. I think it's positive that you've acknowledged what went wrong because when this kind of thing happens, a lot of people blame it on the other person and take no responsibility for how they might have played a part, so this is good. Have you told him about how you've reflected on the friendship? This could help to save it. I always say that having this kind of knowledge about yourself can be a real turning point to make things better. What do you think?


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