Yes, Questioning

[Coochiedestroyer]

Hi!

So a lot of people are struggling with this and so do I.

I question my sexuality every single day. And I know it's lame, because ditch the label right. But I still feel like I need to know it. I'm a girl and I'm asking myself alll the time if I'm Bi or not. If I am I would be proud, but am I? Is the question. So yeah, I hear a lot of tips and stuff like that on tik tok, but it just doesn't help me with anything. I also don't know what questions I have to ask myself. Like with girls it's hard to see what the difference is between finding her pretty or attractive. Idk. I just need some reaallyyy useful advise. I asked to my friend that is pan and it was quite a good tip, but I need more to find out ig.

[Monsoon]

Hey @Coochiedestroyer

 

Thanks for asking us about this. It's completely normal to question your sexuality and although some people don't like to use labels to define their sexuality, a lot of other people find it really helpful, and that's okay. I think that a good question to ask yourself would be to think about the thoughts you have for people of the same sex. For example, do you feel like it's more than finding them attractive to the point where you might actually want to date them? Btw, it's important to keep in mind that there really is no way to rush the process of finding our your sexuality. The confusion won't last forever, and one day, you will understand it fully, but for now, you have to kind of just be patient with it. What do you think? Also, you might want to take a look at this: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-things-when-questioning-sexuality/

 

Speak soon

Edited December 22, 2020 by Monsoon

[Coochiedestroyer]

Hi!

 

Well, yeah no rush for me, but I still want to know it and I even get anxious about it.

I know there is nothing to get anxious about.

To date? I never had asked this to myself, but it's a difficult question.

Can you maybe ask it in a more easy way?

I mean idk how to answer at this.

I checked the link and it's helpful.

But I still am totally weird about it. I also can't really talk about this with family.

I grew up as a girl in a muslim family. I would consider our family as a modern family, because my parents and siblings are open about everything, we talk about lots of things in life. My parents have good intentions and opnions about everything well except for same-sex marriage. I think that's what I'm scared for. If one day I will come out as Bi to mmyself. Would I be able to marry a woman, if I loved one?

[Monsoon]

Hey,

 

So, when you look at people, there is a difference between thinking someone is attractive and actually fancying them. I'm wondering, when you look at other females, how do you think you feel about them? For example, if you fancy someone, you might have sexual thoughts about them and want to actually date them. In your country, is it legal for members of the same sex to marry? It might be that when you come out to your parents, they may not be open to same-sex marriage at the beginning, but as time goes on, they could come round. This tends to happen for a lot of families. Here is a support guide that you might find helpful btw - let me know what you think. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/coming-out-homophobic-parents/

 

Hope to hear back from you soon

[Coochiedestroyer]

Hi,

So uhm, ye

[Monsoon]

Hey @Coochiedestroyer

 

I think the rest of your comment has gone missing! What was it you wanted to say?

[Coochiedestroyer]

Hi!

Happy New Year to you!

May this year be better than 2020.

Now your question (sorry that I'm answering sooo late, i thought it was posted).

This is also hard to answer, but I'll try as much as I can. I mostly think about those feelings and don't say it out loud wich makes it hard to express it in words. I sometimes see a girl and fancy them without noticing if that makes sense. And what I mean by that is that what I think doesn't feel real so I don t think further about it. But yeah it happens. Mostly artists that make e go crazy like kristen stewart such a beauty. I live as a muslim in Belgium and yes same-sex marriage is allowed. I don t know what to say now, but if u have questions for me to answer no problem.

Thanks!

[Monsoon]

Hey @Coochiedestroyer

 

 

Happy New Year! I hope you have a good 2021

 

Thanks for explaining how you feel to me. I'm wondering, now that a bit of time has passed between talking to each other, have you had any new thoughts or feelings about your sexuality?

[Coochiedestroyer]

Hi

so uhm good question.

I feel like I'm a step closer to knowing it, but I also have some doubts wether It's being bi or if it s something else. Like I'm also trying to see if i could be pan. I don't really know what pan is actually. Is it that you re attracted to someone because of their personality?

Idk but Ig i m questioning between the two.

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

 

Sorry for my slow reply.. I didn't get a notification! But yeah, I'm glad to hear that you feel like you're one step closer to knowing your sexuality. Yeah, basically pansexual means that you're attracted to someone regardless of their sex or gender identity. Out of curiosity, what makes you think it's something else other than bi?

[Coochiedestroyer]

Hi!

So, I feel like at school when I'm talking to someone, even though they might not be attractive, i get this warm feeling or just butterflies ig. And it s the same around girls or boys. But not feelings more like excitement, because of how sweet they are. And when I m home, I often think about it for no reaason.

I ve realised tht personality is also a big game changer.

[Monsoon]

Hey @Coochiedestroyer

 

Thanks for explaining how you feel when you talk to both girls and boys. Do you think it's the same kind of feelings you would have for someone who you fancied/wanted to date?

 

Yeah, personality is such an important thing when it comes to dating and attraction. Are there any particular kinds of personalities you're attracted to?

[Coochiedestroyer]

Hi!

I don t really know if i would date them, because I've never dated someone in my life but i would obviously want to hang more with them.

 

I guess when it comes to personality, I like people that go through the same thing as me and people who have that same mindset. I like people who like my personality and associate with that too. People who can be sarcastic but funny and smart. I guess I prefer people with the same character and mindset. Attractiveness is another factor wich i just pay attention to when I don t know a person.

 

But then for me it s kinda hard to find that difference between a girl friend and a girlfriend. I guess a time will come where i will know, but yeah.

[Monsoon]

Hey @Coochiedestroyer

 

Yeah, you're right in saying that the time will come when you know. Time is everything. All of these things may seem really unclear and confusing now, but you'll come to a point where it fits into place

 

How are you feeling about everything at the moment?

[Coochiedestroyer]

hi!

I'm feeling pretty confident about the questioning, because after all i am who i am and no one can change that. The hard thing about staying confident is probably that i didn t tell this to anyone. It s still a secret. But for that too i think that there will be the time for to tell it. Thank you for your help. I really appreciate everything you said.

[Monsoon]

Hey @Coochiedestroyer

 

No worries . Yeah, you're right. There will be a time to tell other people, and you should only do it when you feel ready. Is there anything else you'd like help with atm?

[Moonbli]

I am a middle schooler, and lately I have been questioning my sexuality. I like some women, but I don't know if I am sexually attracted to them. Advice? I don't know if these feelings are ones of respect or of attraction. Pls help

[Monsoon]

Hey@Moonbli

 

Thanks for asking us for help. It's always good to be open and speak to others to get different opinions. Can I ask, have you been sexually attracted to men before? If so, how do your feelings towards women compare to those you've had/still have for men?

[Moonbli]

@Monsoon , yes, i have reflected, and i have been sexually attracted to men, and also to some women. I do think i am bi. I have considered, and thought, "Dating a girl would be really nice, and I want to do it." I also do find myself looking at certain girls differently, Like, "I really like this girl, I wish I could date her." However, when i asked my dad, kind of casually, about how he felt about the LGBTQ+ community, I was very scared when he said he was homophobic. I have a family with very strong Christian beliefs, and my dad says that being attracted to the same sex is a sin. He thinks that it is meant so that a women marries a man and has children together. He said there was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. So yes, I do identify as bisexual, but now I am worried about coming out. I'm considering not coming out for at least a year, until I am certain about everything that is happening. Thanks for your advice. If there's any other support or guidance you could give me, that would be amazing.

-Moonbli(hoping I don't get disowned whenever I do come out!)

[Monsoon]

Hey @Moonbli

 

Thanks for explaining. Yeah, it does sound like you're bi. How does it feel for someone to say that to you?

 

I think that with coming out, it's important to do it when you feel ready. If you don't, then it's totally okay to wait.. there's no problem with that . If coming out could put you in danger e.g., like getting kicked out or being abused, then it's best to wait until you can maybe move out or have somewhere else to stay that's safe.

 

Also, with homophobic parents, a lot of them eventually come round to the news, and they do this out of pure love for their child, so just keep this in mind as this could be your dad. However, it can be a long, emotional process that requires a lot of patience. There's an article about this here: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/.

 

What do you think?

[Moonbli]

hi, sorry its been awhile! I have fully accepted i am part of the LGBTQ+ community. Thanks for helping me through this. I have already told a few close friends. You have been so much encouragement to me. I hope we talk again someday once i have introduced the new me to my friends and family. Thanks so much!

-Moonbli

[Monsoon]

Hey@Moonbli

 

So good to hear form you and I'm glad you found our support helpful

 

Take care and speak soon!