Very uncomfortable

[cloud]

I have/ had a friend, he was a good friend and we got kinda close within 6/7 months. We shared about things too. He always used to say that he had a crush on me (which he did) but I had/ have no intentions of being in a relationship again( I had bad experiences before) so I made it pretty clear to him that I would never want to be involved in a romantic relationship with him, but I wanted to have him as a friend. We used to talk a lot through social medias and lockdown got us to become even closer. But soon after, I started spending my time in something else and that's when I realized that he'd been used to talking to me a lot. I told him that it wasn't healthy to be too much obsessed over someone, and I started feeling bad too because I knew what he felt about me, so I never wanted to give him opposite ideas and I always made it pretty clear. He stopped talking to me since then and it's been months. Honestly I'm happy that he could let go and everything is okay now. I talked to him once after he stopped talking to me, but he acted as if I had some work with me and the conversation was really short. It feels kinda weird because I never wanted to loose him as a friend but I didn't want him to struggle with his feelings too.

Whenever he tried to bring up the topic about him having a crush on me, I always made it clear that it would never be possible. But as we kept talking to each other I felt like I was being selfish and didn't respect his feelings for me.

And now when we meet again, I don't know how to react or talk to him.

I honestly feel like he'll treat me like air (like how he used to before, as we talked through chat only most of the times) but I don't know how I should react.

What do you think about this?

[cloud]

But he acted as if I had some work with him**

I'm sorry I made a mistake above.

 

[Monsoon]

Hey @cloud

 

Welcome to our support community - I'm one of the digital support mentors here and I give advice to our members on community

 

Thanks for sharing your story with us. It's so hard in this situation when you want to stay friends with someone despite them having feelings for you that you don't share. However, I think you've done the right thing by making it clear how you feel to him. I'm curious as to why you felt selfish and like you didn't respect his feelings for you when you kept talking to each other. What do you mean by this?

[cloud]

Hello, thank you for responding.

It's because he kept bringing the topic about him wanting to be in a relationship with me and I had to keep refusing it but I still wanted to be good friends with him, so I felt like I was being selfish for not being able to give him what he wanted.

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

 

Okay, I get what you mean about feeling selfish and actually, I think that that's a pretty normal reaction in this case, especially if you are a giving person by nature. However, it's good that you've been clear about how you feel as other people might not be so upfront which might lead to a sticky situation. I noticed that you said his conversations are short recently and I'm wondering, how would you feel if he were like that when you next see him?

[cloud]

Hey,

We actually don't talk anymore. I initiated the conversation once and that was when it was very short and cold so I don't text him anymore. I just want to give him some space and not force him to talk to me, but I'm worried that the next time we meet, it might be very awkward.

[Monsoon]

Hey@cloud

 

I think you've done the right thing by giving him space as this might help to process his feelings and therefore it might not be awkward next time. However, it could still very well be as he might be holding on to how he is feeling. If that happens, what do you think you would do next?

[cloud]

Hey,

Is it bad if I reply with a 'I don't know'?

[Monsoon]

Hey @cloud

 

No, that's not bad at all. It can be quite hard to know how we may react before we've actually experienced something, and I guess it might just be one of those things you'll have to play by ear and see how it goes if it does happen. What do you reckon?