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Coming out as bisexual


mabelberg    

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I’ve been struggling a bit with my sexuality for quite a few years now, and I’ve recently realized that I am bisexual. I’m still insecure, but I kind of don’t know how to go about the whole thing. I’ve given myself time to think about it and be honest with myself, but I keep coming back to the same answer, and especially these past few weeks I’ve been positive that bisexual is a label that feels right for me. I guess I’m just asking advice on how to go about telling those I care about, without making it a bigger deal than it has to be; just telling them because I feel they deserve to know. I’ve been scared that all this doubt surrounding my sexuality isn’t really what I think it is, that maybe I’m just doing it for attention or something, and I guess I just don’t want to tell anybody anything if I’m going to end up going back on it. But even so, there are these feelings and thoughts I can’t deny, and I just don’t know how much longer I’m supposed to go on pretending. I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but I’ll be grateful for an answer :)

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Hey @mabelberg

 

Welcome to our support community - it's lovely to have you here :-)

 

I'm glad to hear that you feel the bisexual label feels right for you. With coming out, we recommend making sure that the person is certain of their sexuality before telling others, so I just want to check, are you deffo sure that you're bi? Even if you're not, you might still find it helpful to tell people that you're going through a phase where you are questioning as this might help to lift any bad feelings with feeling like you're pretending. What do you reckon?

Edited by Monsoon

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That’s kind of the thing, is that I’m not completely sure, but I’ve been having doubts for probably five years now. I think denial plays a part in the whole thing, as well as me not really being able to trust my own opinions and judgement. The only thing I know for sure is that I am definitely having feelings and thoughts about the same sex that I don’t think straight girls are supposed to have. Looking back on my childhood as well, I can remember certain things that I now realize kind of pointed toward my feelings for the same sex

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Hey @mabelberg

 

Yeah, you're right in saying that denial plays a part in the whole thing. I completely get what you mean about not being able to trust your own opinions and judgements, but from what I know about you so far, I know that you've been having these doubts for a while now, and that definitely means something. I'm wondering, have you had a chance to explore with the same sex, like dating?

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I haven't had the chance to try dating the same sex yet, but I've been wanting to for a while. I live in kind of a small town, where the lgbt+ community isn't the biggest or most visible. I definitely think that's part of the reason both for my own doubts and why I haven't been able to properly explore my sexuality. However, I recently signed up for an lgbt+ dating app, where I've gotten in contact with a few people of the same sex, just to see how I feel about it. I still find it hard to connect talking to a girl with anything romantic, as I've never allowed myself to think of girls as anything other than friends. Still, being open to contacting new people in a new light feels refreshing, and I can't deny that I get a case of butterflies when I match with a girl or a girl messages me.

PS: Thank you so much for talking to me and answering my posts. It really helps talking to someone about all this stuff that's only been inside my head for years, and airing out my thoughts :)

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heyyy @mabelberg

 

yeah, i can see why you would find it hard to talk to a girl romantically, but as you said, being open and contacting people is refreshing. you're opening doors for yourself which will give you new experiences and more confidence with this.

 

so, have you been speaking to any girls on the app? if so, how has it been going? :)

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I've spoken to a couple, but I haven't really found anyone I've connected properly with yet. I did talk to this one girl who shares a lot of my interests; we don't talk a lot, but I would like to get more in contact with her. It's a bit hard, though, because I never really know what to say to start a conversation, but I get to practice that too on the app, so I'm hoping it's something I will become accustomed to and better at the more I do it

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Heyy @mabelberg

 

That's good that you've been speaking to someone that you share interests with . I wonder, could you maybe start up a convo about one of the interests you have? Also, you might find this guide helpful: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/fancy-someone-heres-how-to-handle-it/

 

Let me know what you think :)

 

Monsoon

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