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I've been abused sexually since I was a child


ace204
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Hi, I'm 18. As far as I could remember, I've been "groomed" by my father since childhood. He would touch me inappropriately, and we used to shower together. I thought that it was normal between father and child but as I grew older, he started doing wrong things to me. I was stupid and naive, thinking that it was okay and enjoyed it. It has been going on since I was around 6 until 16 or 17.it stopped now because we fought with each other a lot and not talking. But as I grow older I started to realize that those things are wrong, father wasn't supposed to do that. I feel really guilty, ashamed, disgusted by myself. I also resent my mom because she is never around, never takes care of me, give me little attention. This guilt is eating me alive, and I just want to forget everything... Currently I'm still living with both of my parents, and we're in difficult situation at the moment so i don't know what to do. I can not tell my mom because she will be shocked and her health will worsen, going to police will also cost me my dignity, people will shame me. It's taboo. I want to run away somewhere far from this family... Not to mention I feel like I might be bisexual which isn't acceptable in my country. I need advice please.

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if only my mom took care of me, and pay attention to me instead of father, this shameful mistake wouldn't happenned. I feel like I've done something horribly wrong and it can't be fixed, it can't be forgiven, and it can't be forgotten either. I want to disappear, or erase my memory because it's too much. Sometimes I'll have flashbacks and it makes me hate myself and my mom more...

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  • Digital Mentor

Hello @ace204

 

Thank you for reaching out to us for support. We are so sorry to hear about what you've been through. We cannot imagine how hard this must have been for you, but please know that we are here to support you through this. I have reached out to you via email to support you privately with this. If you cannot see our email, please check your junk box.

 

Remember, if you feel like you are still in danger, you can contact the emergency services at any time. If you feel like you’re in a mental health crisis, you can find a crisis line for your country here: https://www.befrienders.org

 

We hope to hear back from you soon. Stay strong <3

 

-Monsoon

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