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I guess I'm just confused and scared


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Before I really didn't show any interest in anyone. During my first year of middle school, I met this girl and we became best friends. In our last years together, we shared a lot of secrets. And one day she came out to me. I was so happy that she trusted me and that she shared this with me. I guess that kind of made me think a lot. Sure I had dated a guy before, but I had never truly stop to think if I would date a girl. Of course, the last year of middle school I met this really beautiful and nice girl. I really cared for her and I was heartbroken when she had to leave to another city. My bff and I were talking and she asked me if I liked her. Yeah I was. I cared for her. She then asked me if I liked boys and I said I had a few(2) crushes. I guess at that point we thought I was bi. In my first year in high school, I was a bit of a fish in water. I only had a few people I new in my high school. One of my guy best friend and I only had a class together. (I kind of had a hard crush on him which was why I thought I was bi.) Then all of a sudden, in geometry class I was paired with this girl. We became close friends. She came out to me. Told me about her past relationship and how toxic it was for her. So tried to be there for her when she needed it. Our last period in 4th, she had band and I had orchestra. Which are both in the band hall sharing a storage room. So we had a lot of time spent together. We would talk. Walk each other to certain classes. One day she saw me in the storage room when I was practicing the cello. I didn't know at the time because I was zoned out. Class ended and we walked out together to go to our cars. She texted me then(because we were busy talking about other things on our walk). She complimented me on my skills and said that I looked so nice playing the cello. I was blushing and that was when I realized I liked her. Cause my heart was beating fast. We got busy with last year exams and we didn't see each other. I confessed through insta message. She said that I was really a nice and funny person but she was still recovering from her last relationship. Of course I understood and said that was okay. Back to present, I'm a sophomore now and I'm panicking. Because I know I liked her and some other guys. But not like, in a sexual way or anything. I'm attracted to their personalities. This guy confessed and we tried to kiss but I didn't feel anything. Is that normal??? I think I'm pansexual. (I would date anyone, nothing would stop me from not liking someone. Like gender, etc.) But im not attracted to anyone sexually. I thought that was normal for other teenagers. I mean I cared for the people I liked more than friends. I would do anything for them. Sorry for the rant but I've been holding that in now that I don't have anyone to confess to with quarantine and stuff. That was the confusing part of my rant. Now the scary ******* comes in..... my family. I dont know if I should tell them or keep them in the dark. Would they accept me? I want to think that most of my sisters are accepting. But the REAL question is my parents. I've heard them be a little hard or rude about homosexuals and lesbians. And I don't want to have to shut them off. I mean one of my other sisters stopped talking to them for 3 or 4 years till now. I dont want to go back into depression because of family problems. But I know I will become more depressed when I don't tell them. Thanks for letting me rant out for a bit. 👋

Edited by Monsoon
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Hey @MangBanjo


Welcome to our community :).


Thank you for telling me about your situation; the detail really helps me to understand what's going on for you.


I'm wondering, have you heard of the term asexual? This is where you don't have a sexual attraction to anyone, but you can still be romantically attracted to people e.g. you can form strong emotional bonds with someone, in the same way that people in a relationship do. There are plenty of people out there who aren't sexually attracted to anyone/asexual and I guess that it's just more common for people to have sexual attractions, but this doesn't mean that being asexual isn't normal; it's perfectly normal!


I think that before you think about coming out, it would be helpful to know exactly how you're feeling so that you can describe your sexuality clearly for others to understand. However, you can also tell people that you're not sure about your sexuality which is also coming out. I will say though, if you're worried about your family not being accepting, then it's best to wait until you're safe and secure enough to come out e.g. you can support yourself/you won't get kicked out for coming out to them. What do you think?


Speak soon!



Edited by Monsoon


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