I'm either being overdramatic or I'm not straight and I honestly can't decide

[troubledwaters]

I know that the minute you see a title like that, it's naturally assumed that I'm not straight but I can't come to terms with it, hence the confusion. Which is not the case.

I wouldn't have a problem identifying as bisexual - in fact, sometimes I think I want to identify like that, and hence, am just giving small things unnecessary amounts of focus. There are boys I like, and I'm pretty sure I'm not lesbian, but recently, I remember my obsession for this girl when I was seven. I'd forgotten about it and had never really classified it as a crush, but looking back, it seems like it was, and I would surely say it was a crush if it was a guy. But later, we became friends, and like I said, the whole thing was forgotten.

 

I like looking at beautiful women on the television or internet and I don't know if its just something all women do. I read a lot, and I actually began asking myself this when I realised that I would like to kiss some of my favourite female characters as much as the male. The ratio favours the Male characters, but still, there are girls in there too. Also, I tend to flirt with my best friends or other female friends, not because I'm interested in dating them, but its just fun. I've never done that with a guy.

 

So I can't decide if I'm actually bisexual, biromantic heterosexual or straight and over dramatic. I'd really like to figure out which one, but I don't know anyone else in the LGBTQ community and I don't want to talk to family or friends about this until I'm at least 80% sure, because what if I later decide that I'm straight after all?

 

It would really help to have an outside POV to this whole thing and I'd really appreciate it.

[Monsoon]

Hey @troubledwaters

 

Thanks for coming to us for advice. Most people go through a stage where they question their sexuality and it's totally normal to do this. With the 'obsession' you had when you were seven, have you felt like this about any girl since? I think it would be useful to maybe try flirting with a girl you find attractive and see where it goes from there. With this sort of thing, the best way to understand it is to explore it. What do you think?

 

- Monsoon

Edited August 16, 2020 by Monsoon

[troubledwaters]

I'll try. Thanks

[Monsoon]

Hey @troubledwaters

 

Let us know how it goes . Hope to hear back from you soon!

[troubledwaters]

I decided day before yesterday that I'm bi. I know the seems super quick, but I've been joking about it in my head for a while, so once I listened to it and did some googling, I feel like I can identify as bi. I feel comfortable with it, and I'd like to identify like that. I even came out to a friend yesterday and he was great about it. I plan to tell a couple more of my friends next week or so when we're planning to video chat. I don't know when I'll come out to my parents though..

 

I'm still getting used to calling myself not straight though.. and the term bi curious seriously freaks me out every time I hear it (not because its not ok to be, being bi curious is fine) because I don't want to come out and then have to tell people that I was straight after all.

 

But comparatively, I'll say I'm very lucky. My closest friends will accept me for who I am, I believe. Even mentally, I am fine, and even happy about being able to say im a part of the LGBTQ community (but still new for me! Still getting used to the label). The only problem seems to be the small anxiety attacks I get when some part of me goes, how can you be bi? And now you'll have to go tell your friend you're not bi after all.. blah blah. It makes me nervous at times, and I really hope I'll be able to fully get used to this and accept it soon. But the weird point here is, its being straight that makes a little screaming version me enter my head..*sigh*

 

I think it's the fact that I didn't worry or face as much anxiety or self loathing or denial or any of that as so many people I've read or heard in the internet have. It makes me wonder why. Like, no way I can be bi BECAUSE I want to be. It's weird, but I read a lot and I'm very inclined to fantasy n fiction and maybe its just another thing made up. I really hope not though.

 

But so far, I believe I am heterosexual leaning bisexual. I so wish there was some quiz I could take n just clear this up.

 

 

[Monsoon]

Hey @troubledwaters

 

Thanks for sending us an update

 

I'm glad to hear that you decided that you're bi and that you've told a friend. If the labels make you uncomfortable, you don't have to give yourself one. Labels are just names that society puts on loads of things, and you don't have to use them. You could just say, like you did at the bottom, that you're heterosexual leaning towards bisexual. It's okay to change how you identify as many people go through a time where they are unsure. I think that although you want a quiz, sexuality is complex, and it should be you who decides your sexuality, not a quiz.

 

I'm sorry to hear about the panic attacks. Why don't you have a read of our support guides here? Hopefully they have some useful tips for you

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/10-quick-things-panic-attack/

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/101-ultimate-ways-chill-reduce-stress/

 

Let me know what you think. Speak soon!

 

[troubledwaters]

I'll go through those. And I realise I haven't thanked you for replying yet, so thank you.

 

I've typing out or writing down how I feel and why it's all fine when I do get anxious, and that seems to work just fine. Watching YouTube videos from LGBTQ creators helps too. And I have exams going on, so the bi panic has some competition! But I'm doing fine. I've decided to just keep this between me and my circle of closest friends for now. It's not that I'm ashamed of who I am (this is great in fact) but I'd like to have some more time in my head before people begin with the questioning and comments. Those are sure to happen.

 

Straight cis gendered person shouldn't be default. But it is and that is why it surprises people when someone you know turns out to be not straight. It's not like I ever told anyone I am straight. It's an assumption and sometimes people just can't change it.

[Monsoon]

Hey @troubledwaters

 

Yeah, having some more time is deffo a great idea. I get what you mean that being straight shouldn't be the default; life would be so much easier for LGBTQIA+ people if this were the way. Hopefully, this will get better as time goes on as having everyone assume you're straight can be frustrating.

 

How are your exams going?

Edited August 27, 2020 by Monsoon

[troubledwaters]

exams got over yesterday. they were fine.

 

Things are pretty good now, so I'm fine.

 

[Monsoon]

Glad to hear that they were fine, @troubledwaters

 

When will you get your results?

[troubledwaters]

I have no idea, what with all the classes being online. Thanks for asking though.

 

[Monsoon]

Keeping my fingers and toes crossed, @troubledwaters