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how do I come to terms with my sexuality?


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I am a girl. My first kiss was my girl best friend in 5th grade. We messed around, and I got butterflies when I thought about seeing her. As strange as it sounds, I still identified as straight. Didn't think anything of it. In 6th grade, I moved schools and found a new best friend. We became very close and I was really nervous around her. I thought she was beautiful. In 7th grade, we actually starting "dating", but everyone thought we were best friends. She was my first love, my first heartbreak. After her, I was single for years. It's been several years and I dream about her a few times a week. I've been in a committed relationship with a man for a couple of years now, and I love him a lot. But I feel guilty that I've never felt the sexual energy and desire with him that I did with girls. I feel guilty that I have fantasies about women. What does this mean? How do I deal with it? Why is it so hard?

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Hello Leanne,


Welcome to our community,


The first thing I want to say is just - please don't panic! This is totally normal. Sexuality is such a wide spectrum and so many of us do not identify as 100% anything. Your sexual attraction to women is totally valid, even though you are now with a man, and you should not feel any shame in that. It is natural to feel attractions to other genders and you can still have a successful and healthy relationship with a man. Have you ever spoken to your partner about your past with women? If you haven't then I recommend you do so, this may alleviate some of the guilt that you feel. Open and clear communication is always paramount in setting healthy boundaries within a relationship. Do you feel this is something you could do?


Exploration of your sexuality is a real gift that some people never have the confidence to experience so see it as a good thing rather than something that causes you confusion.


I hope this helps, and we're here for you.



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Hey Leanne,


I just wanted to check how you're doing and if you've had any thoughts about the advice from Remi?




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