I feel like I need to get out of what has been a really important friendship

[Lorenzo]

Hi everyone, I'd really appreciate to hear some opinions on this situation I'm in, sorry for my English and for the lenght of the post.

 

 

It's been 5 years since I've been friends with a guy that I'll call E from now on.

During the first 1-2 years of friendship I and E built a great bond of laughter, trust and very nice and memorable moments, we shared everything. When I was trying my best to get along with a girl I liked a lot (that I'm gonna call P), he was there to help me making connections with her (we were all in the same class) and we eventually ended up creating a group of 2 girls and 2 boys to hang out all together. It was great until I started getting closer with P, all good but he was becoming a little worried about me getting further from him. However I was understanding his signs and started slowing down with it to make it easier to bear for him. I was holding down not to make him suffer and while I was out for a vacation with my family they called me to tell me they have been together and started a love relationship between them.

For some months I took my distances from both of them as I felt betrayed by him and didn't wanna see her since I really really really liked her.

Then time passed and I kept staying there looking at them in the class and suffering, thinking about how I held down with her just to see my best friend stab me while I wasn't watching. He apologized many times but I wouldn't ask him to leave her ofc and eventually became a little crazy to the point I tried to make them split up by telling lies to P about E, failing and getting them to be mad at me for trying such an evil thing.

Seeing them hang out and kiss etc in front of me pulled out the worst of me.

At that point I lost any chance to have any more bond with them.

After about 1 year, I had the chance to talk back to both of them and to try starting over, and it succeded with both of them, at this point I'm back at being best friends with E, things are back how they were before. And my relationship with P is still good, we talk a lot but I still have feels for her and this sometimes kinda rips me apart.

The main problem with that however is the fact that they both don't want each other to talk with me because they both think I'm gonna mess with them and try to break their 4 years love, yet they both want to keep being friends with me and don't wanna give up on me, without ever managing to solve this issue. P is honest about it and told me how she feels, but E tries to hide it and pretend he's ok with me seeing her.

Each time I'm with E we need to hide it, so we obviously see each other kinda rarely and this makes me question whether or not he really wants to keep it normal between us or just doesn't care about confronting her to solve this. P on the other hand does whatever she wants and spends time with me without caring about what E says about it.

 

Because I keep in touch with both of them, I really still feel like E stole my happiness with P, and this combined with the fact that our relationship is so dependent on the fact we need to hide it, makes it very toxic in my opinion and makes me wonder if I should keep even talking to him.

And if I decide to get far from him, how am I even supposed to tell him? I'm in a very hard time, always thinking about how I should behave to avoid giving pain to any of them. If anyone has some advice it would be awesome, thank you in advance bros.

[Remi]

 

Hello Lorenzo,

 

Welcome to our support community.

 

It sounds like you are in quite a confusing relationship with this couple. Obviously there is a lot of history and mistrust there. It may be that its best to try and distance yourself from the situation a bit, how would you feel about doing that If this person is wanting to spend time with you and it is secret, then there is already a misbalance of trust there which could lead to further complications further down the line.

 

How do you really feel about your relatiobnship with P? what is your hope for the relationship?

 

In all honesty, the situation appears to be making you feel uncomfortable. So an honest chat with all of the people involved seems neccessary. If you are worried about how this might go, then you already have your answer.

 

I think letting go of something that isn't quite meant to be may open the doors for you to have the relationship that you truly deserve. What do you feel about this?

 

Sending lots of positivity your way..

 

Remi

 

 

 

Hello Lorenzo,

 

Welcome to our support community.

 

It sounds like you are in quite a confusing relationship with this couple. Obviously there is a lot of history and mistrust there. It may be that its best to try and distance yourself from the situation a bit, how would you feel about doing that If this person is wanting to spend time with you and it is secret, then there is already a misbalance of trust there which could lead to further complications further down the line.

 

How do you really feel about your relatiobnship with P? what is your hope for the relationship?

 

In all honesty, the situation appears to be making you feel uncomfortable. So an honest chat with all of the people involved seems neccessary. If you are worried about how this might go, then you already have your answer.

 

I think letting go of something that isn't quite meant to be may open the doors for you to have the relationship that you truly deserve. What do you feel about this?

 

Sending lots of positivity your way..

 

Remi

 

 

 

[Lorenzo]

First of all huge thanks for replying, I never had a chance to talk about this with someone and your advice really made me feel better.

I probably just need a way of getting to distance myself from them, however even if it is possible and maybe easy (in a sad way) with E, it wouldn't be like that with P.

How am I supposed to tell her goodbye if she technically didn't do anything bad to me? Even if I'm probably in love with her, she does deserve me to be there since she was always there for me and was able to forgive me.

In the past she suffered a lot because of me not being confident enough to be there for her since I was in pain too because of their relationship, at this point she thinks I'm not in pain anymore even if I am, and I don't wanna tell her cause that would put her in a very bad spot of having to choose between us. I just need a way to get myself further without having to hurt anyone...

Thank you again Remi for your answer, it's helping me out a lot.

-Lorenzo

[Remi]

Hey Lorenzo,

 

no problem, that's what we are here for and i'm glad we could be of help to you.

 

I think you've said what the best decision here is. If you are in love with her, then you are torturing yourself by being on the fringe of their relationship. You could write her a letter saying how you feel. You don't have to give it to her, but it may just help to get your feelings down on paper. There are plenty more fish in the sea and situations that aren't so complicated and that don't make you feel drained or bad about yourself.

 

You always have choices, and you shouldn't feel obligated to be there for people when you aren't getting fulfilment in return.

 

We have to let go of attachments and if they are meant to be they will find our way back to us eventually.

 

Hang in there,

 

Remi

[Lorenzo]

Thank you, that really helps, will try to apply all of this

[Monsoon]

Hey Lorenzo,

 

I'm glad you found Remi's advice helpful. Let us know how it goes if you do try any of the suggestions. We are always here to chat