I need advice - Struggles of liking girls

[Lexia]

I realized about five-ish years ago that I like girls (note: I'm a girl). I kinda had a crush on a girl in 8th grade but at the time I just thought I was noticing how she was generally hot and didn't recognize it as an actual crush. Now I'm a senior in high school and I've had a crush on a different girl since we sat together in precalculus class in 10th grade. I don't know how to tell if other girls are lesbian or bi as well.

 

I have so many questions about girls dating girls. Like, is there a rule about who makes the first move? Can I not go out with a girl if I haven't come out as lesbian or bi yet?

 

I haven't told anyone except for my sister that I like girls. I didn't specify of I was lesbian or bisexual because I'm not sure myself right now, but now I'm wondering if it's okay that I told her if I wasn't 100% certain about everything myself.

 

Everyone but her thinks I'm straight. I want to tell my mom and my best friend but I don't know how. I'm pretty sure they'll both support me, but I just don't know how to say it so it's not weird.

 

Does anyone have any advice?

[Monsoon]

Hey Lexia,

 

Thanks for coming to us for support; we are here to help you through this

 

Many people question their orientation at some point, so you're not alone here. When it comes to dating anyone, there's no rule about who makes the first move. You can go out with other girls despite still being in the closet. Actually, many people end up in a relationship with a same-sex partner before they come out. In terms of telling if someone is LGBTQIA+ or not, it can be quite difficult. I would suggest getting to know the girls that you want to find this out about. Strike up a convo with them, see what they're into, follow them on socials, become friendly with them. This might help to build up your confidence in talking to and dating girls!

 

I think in terms of coming out, you should ask yourself if it's safe and if you're ready to do it. By safe, I mean that there's no chance you'll be put in any danger by coming out e.g. getting kicked out by your parents. Also, are you ready to come out yet? There really is no rush, and many people choose to wait until they know for sure what their orientation is. Do you think it might be better to wait or would you rather come out to them in the same way that you did to your sister? People come out as unsure too . If you're nervous, a lot of people find it easier to write a letter. They let the person have a read and then talk about it after, so that could be an option. Here's an article you might find helpful:

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/top-11-tips-for-coming-out-as-lesbian-gay-or-bi/

 

What do you think of all this? Just so you know, this will get better for you. There will come a point where everything just slots into place and you know exactly who you are and you will feel confident in that. This may take a while, so try to enjoy the process. Chat to some girls, sign up to a dating app if you're old enough, and just have fun with it.

 

I hope to hear back from you soon!

 

-Monsoon

 

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