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Toxic mum


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Hi, I've been dealing with issues from my mum for quite a while now, I currently work 12hr shifts in a hotel and I horse ride in the mornings so only really home to sleep and eat. She's really manipulative and guilt trips me into doing things, she gives me no privacy and treats me lile a child by making me think I can't make a decision on my own (I'm 21) I've also come back from work multiple times to notes of all the things I've done wrong or haven't done.

I just want things to be civil at least.. any advice ?

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Hello @Bell003


Welcome to the community.


This sounds like a stressful living environment, especially as your working so hard, it's great that you still have a hobby to do.


I think communication is key here, maybe if you are never seeing eachother a lot of being missed in communicating both of your needs to eachother. Could you make some time for her, say one hour and you say lets sit down and work out the best way for us to live together. State some of the things that you are finding hard, and be open to listening when she says what she requires from you. Do you have anyone else in the house that could mediate this chat for you.


Some mothers find it hard to stop seeing you as a child, even when you have got older, I know this can be frustrating, but she may not realise how it is affecting you until you tell her.


Let us know how it goes,



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Thank you so much for your reply, I do live with my step dad but I don't talk to him. I have alot of anger towards her so it'll be tricky to keep things calm hopefully things won't escalate

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I'm not sure if you have been doing this but have you tried talking to her lovingly? Perhaps she wants affection from you and if she can't get positive attention, she gives you negative attention. I'm not sure but it sounds like it may be intense when you see each other.

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@Bell - Hey. Thanks for getting back to us :). Yeah, it can be hard keeping calm when you've got a lot of anger towards someone, but the chat will really help. If someone can mediate it for you, then they could make sure that you both have time to speak without being interrupted. Try to take deep breaths before responding and if it helps, imagine your mum dressed as something ridiculous if you feel yourself getting angry! Let us know how it goes - we are always here to help.


Edited by Monsoon


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