I feel unloved

[Anahita]

Hello there! I’m new to this community and I’m still figuring out how to use this platform and be a part of it!

I am putting this out here because I want to deal with my problem and get better, instead of beating myself up over it over and over again.

I have been feeling very unloved lately. I feel like nobody really likes me, and I feel worthless. I am a daughter of a single parent, and my parents separated when I was five. I was however, very close to my father and thought of him as my hero until they both went separate ways. I learnt how he hurt my mother emotionally, and how she was struggling to raise me, singlehandedly. There divorce was in process when he suddenly passed away. I was 9. I now live with my mother and I must say we live a very comfortable life, though we struggled to get here.

Since the last two years, I have been battling with feelings of worthlessness. I feel like I’m not good enough. I also think about my father often and wished he was there. I must also admit that when I was younger, I remember begging him to visit me and spend time with me. I used to sit by the phone waiting for him to call me. He never did. I feel so angry and upset when I think of him. My heart sinks every time I hear or see something related to a father and his daughter. I also never had any positive relationship with another man. In fact, I feel like I don’t know how to talk to men and am easily anxious when talking to them. I’m an only child so no siblings either.

Today, I’m almost 20 years old but I feel terribly worthless. I do have supportive friends, and a lovely family but I feel like a victim of my past. I’m a straight A student, and have big aspirations for my life. But, I refuse to accept anything nice that someone says or does for me. Even if they manage to do it, I cry. I feel like I don’t deserve any love at all. I feel anxious and worried about the way I am. I feel like nobody really likes me. I’m anxious to talk to people because I think they may not like me. Is there a way I can get over this feeling? I used to be the school captain/head girl. I was always up to something creative and made sure I participated in many events. Today, I have shut myself and become a recluse. A hermit. I want to be stronger, and help myself get better. I want to be happy, and peaceful. I want to make my mother and my family proud of me. My mom’s heart would break if she knew I felt this way. What should I do?