I really need help

[redpanda13000]

Hi, I recently discovered that I was bi and I even started dating a girl that I absolutely love! I haven't told anyone and our relationship has been a secret. I really really really want to tell my parents because I don't like hiding it from them but my dad is pretty homophobic. Even when I make innocent hints like just the other day we were talking about me learning how to dance my dad said that I would need a dance partner. So I said, "How about Anna?" (she is my girlfriend). And he replied "No, that would be weird". I know its just dance partners and doesn't really matter but it made me feel terrible and I don't know what to do.

[Mammu]

Hey @redpanda13000!

That´s a tricky situation, that you have. My advice would be to maybe talk to your mom first? Then, if she supports you, you can come out to your dad with your mom supporting you. Then another thing is that you don´t have to tell anybody. I´ve been hiding my sexuality (I´m also a girl and bi) from almost everybody for about a year and a half and think about coming out to everybody every day. But I hold myself back because almost everything is going well and I´m afraid of other people´s opinions. I, luckily, found an amazing person, to support me (even though she is in another country and we communicate through insta) and she has helped me a lot so I suggest you find yourself a person, who can support you. And reading/writing in this community also helps. It actually gave me the strength to come out to my dad. So it´s YOUR choice if you want to come out or not. Nobody can decide that for you.

Good luck!

[Monsoon]

Hey RedPanda. Thanks for reaching out to us. You are not alone and we are here to support you

 

I think that must be really tough for you to want to come out but be scared to because of your dad. I felt like that and it put me off coming out for years. However, I realised it was because of my dad's upbringing and he just needed to experience someone being gay to come round to it. Btw, when I did come out, he was really supportive and this is often the case, but I really do understand your fear. I wrote this article about homophobic parents and tips for this situation: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/

 

You might also find this helpful: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/coming-out-homophobic-parents/

 

I think that if you want to come out, you should only do this when you feel ready and safe. As Mammu said, it's your choice completely and there really is no rush. Also, it's really important to only come out when you feel safe to. By this, I mean that you won't be kicked out or put in any other kind of danger. If there is that kind of risk, it's better to only come out when you can support yourself e.g. living out of the family home.

 

What do you think of all this? Trust me when I say that this will all get better, but I know that it might not seem that way for you right now. This is a long ride, but you're already doing so well.

 

Hang in there,

-Monsoon

[Monsoon]

Hey @redpanda13000!

That´s a tricky situation, that you have. My advice would be to maybe talk to your mom first? Then, if she supports you, you can come out to your dad with your mom supporting you. Then another thing is that you don´t have to tell anybody. I´ve been hiding my sexuality (I´m also a girl and bi) from almost everybody for about a year and a half and think about coming out to everybody every day. But I hold myself back because almost everything is going well and I´m afraid of other people´s opinions. I, luckily, found an amazing person, to support me (even though she is in another country and we communicate through insta) and she has helped me a lot so I suggest you find yourself a person, who can support you. And reading/writing in this community also helps. It actually gave me the strength to come out to my dad. So it´s YOUR choice if you want to come out or not. Nobody can decide that for you.

Good luck!

Hey Mammu. This is really great advice - thanks for taking the time to respond . I'm really pleased to hear that you found the strength to come out to your dad. How was this for you? I know how it feels to be worried about other people's opinions and this is completely valid. It's scary to feel like you might be judged for your sexuality. However, when I used to feel that way like 10 years ago, I look back now and think why was I so concerned? Your happiness is all that matters. The opinions of others are not relevant. You will be able to work through feeling that way, but it might just take time and actually doing it for you to move forward.

[redpanda13000]

Hey @redpanda13000!

That´s a tricky situation, that you have. My advice would be to maybe talk to your mom first? Then, if she supports you, you can come out to your dad with your mom supporting you. Then another thing is that you don´t have to tell anybody. I´ve been hiding my sexuality (I´m also a girl and bi) from almost everybody for about a year and a half and think about coming out to everybody every day. But I hold myself back because almost everything is going well and I´m afraid of other people´s opinions. I, luckily, found an amazing person, to support me (even though she is in another country and we communicate through insta) and she has helped me a lot so I suggest you find yourself a person, who can support you. And reading/writing in this community also helps. It actually gave me the strength to come out to my dad. So it´s YOUR choice if you want to come out or not. Nobody can decide that for you.

Good luck!

Thank you for your advice. I think I am going to tell my mom first in due time. She is a little bit of the same way but a bit more supportive. I love both my parents and I hope I can confide in them one day. Thanks again for your help!

[redpanda13000]

Hey RedPanda. Thanks for reaching out to us. You are not alone and we are here to support you

 

I think that must be really tough for you to want to come out but be scared to because of your dad. I felt like that and it put me off coming out for years. However, I realised it was because of my dad's upbringing and he just needed to experience someone being gay to come round to it. Btw, when I did come out, he was really supportive and this is often the case, but I really do understand your fear. I wrote this article about homophobic parents and tips for this situation: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/

 

You might also find this helpful: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/coming-out-homophobic-parents/

 

I think that if you want to come out, you should only do this when you feel ready and safe. As Mammu said, it's your choice completely and there really is no rush. Also, it's really important to only come out when you feel safe to. By this, I mean that you won't be kicked out or put in any other kind of danger. If there is that kind of risk, it's better to only come out when you can support yourself e.g. living out of the family home.

 

What do you think of all this? Trust me when I say that this will all get better, but I know that it might not seem that way for you right now. This is a long ride, but you're already doing so well.

 

Hang in there,

-Monsoon

Hi thank you for your advice. It is the same thing for my dad, he was brought up really Christian so it is hard for him to have an open mind about this stuff. I know that he will still love me no matter what but I just don't want him to look and think of me any different. You understand. Also thank you for the article I might check it out soon!

[Monsoon]

Hope you find all this helpful . Let us know how everything goes. Keep in touch!