re-evaluating everything | kind of desperate for advice

[kaedavv]

Oh God, okay, here goes, I'll try to sum this up best I can

I'll go by Kaeda here I guess, I'm 15, female, and have been dating my best friend of almost of a year for about three and a half months now. My parents don't like the idea of me dating at my age - think stereotypical christian conservative type - and so we only hung out a lot at school and in the club we're in. I planned on slowly introducing him to my family and get them warmed up to the idea of us, then suddenly we were quarantined and schools were closed. We decided that I'd tell my parents about him near when quarantine was about to end so we could hopefully go out. During that time, we texted for hours every single night, and eventually things escalated to where certain pictures and messages were exchanged that I now kind of regret. My parents found out about this after looking through my phone, and have cut all contact with me and him after reading through our conversations. My parents read through and had access to everything that I vented to my boyfriend about, things that I never wanted my parents to know. Anyways, many many problems rose from this happening.

1. I don't know how to convince my parents to let me and my boyfriend ever be together again (they called him a p.o.s and say he was manipulating, which I've ran the past three months over in my head and found him in no way manipulative, everything I did was voluntarily and what I wanted to and was comfortable doing, even though yes, it was stupid)

2. I don't know how to explain to my parents that I don't have the same beliefs, religiously, politically, and in general as them. I don't want to be talked down to or lectured by them, I find them to be extremely condescending when they talk to me, and hardly ever really actually listen

3. Somewhat of an off-topic issue, but a while ago my boyfriend, who is very liberal and open-minded, and actually bi himself, asked that if he was a girl and everything before stayed the same, if I would still be dating him. I said "Of course," without even really thinking about it, because I genuinely found that yeah, I probably would. He asked if I felt I was bi myself, which I found I couldn't really say I was or wasn't, so that's something I've been questioning now on top of everything else

All I'm asking for is help, or advice. Really everything I've known is being questioned right now, and I really don't know what to think. It doesn't help that the one person I genuinely love and need to talk to right now was threatened with legal action by my parents if he ever contacted me again, so I can't talk to him. If anyone has been or known of someone in a similar situation to me, or if you think you could provide general advice, it'd be greatly appreciated.

[Monsoon]

Hey Kaeda. Thanks for coming to us for support. We are here to help you with this . I'm sorry to hear about what you've been going through recently. It sounds like you've really been having a difficult time and I can imagine this has been hard for you.

 

I wonder, why are your parents so against you seeing him again? I think it might be worth finding out the actual reason if you don't already know it. There could be so many things that they are uncomfortable with and I guess it's important to get to the bottom of it if you can. Also, when they say they will take legal action, has he committed a crime here?

 

I think that one way forward could be to try and talk to them about how you're feeling. It may be a good idea to write them a letter that's nice and calm. In this letter, you need to be really careful not to come across as too confrontational. It might help to say how much you love them and that you want them to be happy for you. Once they've read it, maybe you can then get together once they've taken some time so that they're calm.

 

Also, that's an interesting question your boyfriend asked. Why do you think he asked that? It's perfectly normal to question your sexuality at some point or another. Have you questioned it before? With this kind of thing, it really just does take time to figure out who we are. I think it might be helpful to just be patient with this and trust the process. I know this might be frustrating to hear, but this can't really be rushed which can be hard to hear for a lot of people.

 

Hope this helps

Edited May 9, 2020 by Monsoon