is my friend toxic?

[AnnaM]

I read an article about toxic friendship, sounds good so far already ik. So whenever your toxic friend seeks for your help/attention and for some reason you didn’t respond immediately, for example, you were busy (like not just ignoring, which is a sign of total b**ch, btw – letting you know) and were not able to answer but you did that later, and he/she makes you feel bad because of that without acknowledging circumstances - that’s it – toxicity. So I got in this situation with my best friend lately, I think (gotta be honest – I hope she is, not sure anymore) my friend. The worst part, this happens constantly. It's like a trap which I can't escape. There's a lot of things saying that everything in our relationship is kinda wrong but I'm still unable to do something about it. We have arguments sometimes, that's normal, I think. But every time we don’t go out on an equal footing, she makes me feel bad, apologize, because I hurt her feelings, she cries and stuff, even though I know that I'm not the only culprit in the conflict. I feel that it’s just a manipulation, but I don’t know what to do in those cases. I don’t want to hurt her and I always try to soften the corners as much as possible and not to offend the person, stay calm and reasonable as much as possible at the moment to discuss situation rationally, unlike my friend, who hurts me at all levels possible. Now it looks like I’m trying to defend myself or something, but in the end, in any case, I look and feel like an absolute **********. I don't know how to deal with it.

Edited April 24, 2020 by Monsoon

[Monsoon]

Hey ANNAM. I completely get why this is a tricky situation and why you would feel like you are trapped. You must fear looking like you're the bad person, so you give in to them, but then that ends up going against what you believe in which must be frustrating.

 

I guess with any friendship, there's an element of accepting some things for what they are. On the other hand, there's also the option there to speak to this person about what's going on for you and how you want it to change. I think that both are good options to take really. None of them easy, but this kind of thing can be tricky.

 

Do you think that if you spoke to them it could change the way things are? Or do you think you could get past this and carry on the friendship? Let me know what you think.

 

Speak soon

 

- Monsoon