feeling stuck

[Cookiiiz]

Sorry this is pretty long. My mom and I have always had a pretty great relationship until recently. I have never been very open about my emotions, or relied on anyone to help me through tough times my entire life. For example, from the time I was a toddler and for years after that, whenever I was sad or scared, I would never go to my mom or dad for support but instead hid under my bed where no one else could fit. Anyway, I have always been pretty insecure about my feelings and displaying emotion because I thought it made me seem weak and that I should be strong enough not to cry. But lately I have been at a pretty low point in my life, and I have been getting into more and more arguments with my parents. When I was younger and I would argue with my mom, she used to listen to my side of the story and try to figure out what was making me so upset, but recently she has been ignoring my point of view and instead yelling at me for being rude and disrespecting her by disagreeing with her. She uses the excuse of "you're being such a teenager right now" quite often, and it just makes me feel like all of my opinions and feelings aren't valid anymore just because of my age.

But I mean, things were pretty fine, and I was managing to deal with it and not get too angry with my mom, but then the whole corona thing happened, and now I am stuck in the same house with her and can't get away. But what really made me start to feel completely trapped and utterly alone is the fact that up until a few weeks ago, I had been under the impression my entire life that if I ever didn't feel safe or comfortable at home, I could go stay with a friend or someone I trust. But my mom recently told me that I was only allowed to go stay with people she trusted and could contact. After she told me that, I started to feel almost like I was tied to a leash, because I started to realize just how much she controlled everything in my life. She doesn't let me hang out with anyone unless she knows their parents and has their number, she constantly checks my text messages, and deletes social media posts that she doesn't like, and also doesn't let me have any electronics after 8 pm. But that isn't as bad as the fact that she told me that she wants to control who I'm allowed to trust or go to if I need help. I have tried telling her that I feel trapped, and alone, but she turns the situation around on me and makes me feel guilty for saying that, because of all the good things she has done for me.

As I mentioned before, I am a very closed off person, so I find it hard to reach out for help most of the time, so it feels like a punch to the gut to me when the minute I finally work up the courage to tell her that I am at a low point in my life and that I am having problems in my life, she says that I am just a teenager who is out to get her and point out all of the things that she does wrong. I feel stuck and I don't know what to do, because I can't reach out to my friends because she doesn't let me have my phone most of the time, and I can't talk to anyone at home because my dad always takes my mom's side and my sister just gets mad at me for bothering her. What do I do?

[Monsoon]

Hey

 

Thanks for reaching out to us. We are here to support you through this - you're not alone.

 

It sounds like you've been going through a hard time recently. I can sense that this has been stressful for you, and I want to let you know that your reaction to this is completely normal.

 

I think most of us have felt this way about our parents at some point, especially when growing up. Also, now that we are all in lockdown together, this can easily make home life really stressful and tense which can lead to us feeling more emotional. It really is tough at the moment, but it's great that you've asked for help, especially since you describe yourself as closed-off.

 

I think from my point of view, it sounds like she might be worrying about you and that's why she is trying to control as much as possible. I wonder, could you possibly write her a letter that words things in a calm way? You could say that before she speaks to you about it, you want her to take an hour or so to really be calm so that you can talk about it properly.

 

It's so easy to just start arguing about this kind of thing, but if you take the time to really understand each other's feelings and reasons, you can then hopefully move forward to figuring it out.

 

How does this sound? Let me know what you think . I'm more than happy to come up with other solutions if this doesn't work for you.

 

- Monsoon