Her looks

[dokyou]

Hello and welcome.

I don't really know if this is a right place or not to write about this, but I surely need help from real people.

 

I have a girlfriend, she is constantly bullied, wherever she goes. They tell all available things just to make her feel bad, or feel even worse than bad.

I am trying to get her out of hell in which she is, far away from bullying, make her get to the plane (once it will be possible again) and come to live with me (she is 22).

 

She is very depressed and paranoidal, all she can think about are only bad endings (yes, life made her like that). We met online, but I know a lot of things about her.

Here is the thing, even if she would want to fly to me, even if she would want to meet me, she is scared of one thing which doesn't let her do anything.

She is scared of how she looks, she thinks that once I will see her, I will leave.

Her bullies (through whole her life) made sure she will only think bad about how she looks and that nobody will accept it.

 

I need help with one thing. I need to see her, if I will and she will get to know I don't mind how she looks like, she will gain a lot of confidence.

 

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Edited April 19, 2020 by Monsoon

[Monsoon]

Hey there. Thanks for coming to us for support - we are here for you

 

It sounds like your girlfriend has been through a really tough time. Bullying can have a big affect on people, even for years after the bullying has stopped. Are they seeking support for her mental health? It sounds like they are really struggling at the moment and it's important they get the right support from a professional.

 

I must say, I'm slightly curious. I can understand why they might not want to show you their looks. Bullying can really chip away at someone's self-esteem. However, it is unusual for our partner to not send a picture of their self. I want to make sure you are not being catfished and that your girlfriend is who they say they are. I would not recommend meeting up with someone who you have never seen the picture of as this could be unsafe.

 

Here is an article on catfishing which you might find useful:

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/am-i-being-catfished/

 

I might be completely off-base here, but it just sounds like a bit of an odd situation and we want to ensure that you're not at risk.

 

Also, sorry to be a pain, but would you mind not sharing their location and how they've described their appearance please? This is to protect their identity. Thank you

 

Let me know what you think of all this. Speak soon!

 

- Monsoon

Edited April 15, 2020 by Monsoon

[dokyou]

Her bullying started long time ago and doesn't want to stop, she can't stop it herself either.

 

They seek support from me (even if she would never admit it), as much as her distrust to people let's her, but small steps at a time.

 

I can be sure about not being catfished, it's been a year now and I did asked a lot of random questions which on the surface weren't supposed to determine anything.

 

Scars, bruises and other things are also the base of her bullying, so it makes her think if everyone who saw her sees it as something bad, then everyone does it.

 

Additionaly there is no need to worry about me, I know how to defend myself if things would go bad ^^

 

 

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Edit:

Also I think I got understood wrong, I by no means want to "just post" any information regarding her whereabouts. More like finding somebody who can be trusted, because knowing her looks would change her whole mindset.

Edited April 15, 2020 by dokyou

[Monsoon]

Hey there. Thanks for getting back to me.

 

Just to clarify, is your girlfriend still being bullied? If so, who by? I'm glad to hear she is seeking support from you. Do you think she would be open to support from Ditch the Label? She could post here. Also, I know asking about cat fishing may have seemed odd, but I just wanted to make sure as not sending a picture is a common sign. I'm happy to hear that you're sure she is not a catfish.

 

I wonder, maybe you could pass this onto your girlfriend? There are plenty of tips to improve mental health: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/improve-mental-health/

 

- Monsoon

Edited April 15, 2020 by Monsoon

[dokyou]

Yes, she still is. By who? Anyone honestly. People she passes on the street, people which are shopping at the same time as she does, anyone who doesn't like when person doesn't look "normal".

 

She isn't open to any support, honestly. Even I need to tell her things hundreds of times in hope she will at least once not see it as "just saying it", or "trying to make fun of her".

 

I also checked the link you provided. Only #6 would be available, but I both with covid outbreak took one thing from her which was drinking. She should be completing her detox in few days and hopefuly feel a bit better. Other than this it leaves only me (it probably sounds weird).

Other points are simply unavailable for her due to her personality, how she lives or simply because she already does that.

 

She isn't the problem. The environment is, the same one from which I want to take her away, but from that stops me her fear of how she looks like and her fear that I will leave her (which honestly I proved a lot of times by enduring things which would make others leave long time ago)

Edited April 16, 2020 by dokyou
Fixed typo

[Monsoon]

Hi there. Thanks for getting back to me

 

I hope you don't mind, but I've send you an email to discuss this further. The email I sent it to is the one you signed up with. Do check your junk box as well as my emails often end up there.

 

- Monsoon