I came out but now am not sure it was the right thing to do? Help😅

[Dwergje16]

Well I came out as a lesbian when I was 15 and I found out that I thought that that was what I was when I was 14.

But now I'm kinda not sure if that's really who I am?

I have daydreamed about being a guy ever since I was a little girl.

I most of the time don't like to hear my pronouns be she/her, But I am so I should just deal with it I guess? I have heard something like genderfluid that kinda means that I feel like a diffrent gender at random. Like one day/for a few days I kinda feel like a guy and then I wake up feeling like a girl and somethimes as neither/both?

 

My sexuality is just as confusing.

I always thought I was pan but never came out like that. Then I got a boyfriend and I felt so not sexually attracted so i thought I was a lesbian and came out like that.

 

My next relationship was with a girl and i immidiatly claimed the top because I don't mind touching someone but the other way around makes me very uncomfortable. So I broke up with her because she said she couldn't support me if I ever wanted to be a boy without me even mentioning it...

 

So what I think I am is: A genderfluid/demisexual/panromantic person.

But coming out as that is too scary bacause what if it's just a phase like so many other teenagers?

 

I love to hear how people have the courage to come out as who they feel they are and I support everything. but I am too scared of the reactions of my loved ones and the risk it's just a phase feels so big. But that's also because everyone already is telling me that ever since I came out as a lesbian. but I bought a binder online and I can't wait to wear it and cut my hear short after the quarintine. But I may never come out and it kills me not to know for sure what people will think of me and knowing everyone will always call me a girl...

 

All advice is appriciated and thanks for reading my ranting story. Sorry if it's annoying...

[Monsoon]

Hi there. Thanks for coming to us for support - we are here for you

 

It sounds like you're quite stressed about this at the moment. Please be reassured that it's common to question your gender and sexual identity, especially when you’re young.

 

This is an important stage of your life with many changes and the quest to know exactly who you are. The truth is, it's hard to know exactly who we are, especially at such a young age. As life goes on, we experience more things and develop a deep understanding of who we really are.

 

With knowing our sexual and gender identity, this is a process that really just takes time. We have to be patient and trust the journey and let it happen naturally. I know this might not be what you want to hear as we all want to know what we are.

 

I definitely think you have the courage to come out. You had the courage to come here are speak about your struggles which is the first step, so well done.

 

The only advice I can give at this point really is to just trust the process, go with your instincts and try to not put so much pressure on yourself to know all the answers.

 

I hope this helps

 

-Monsoon

 

 

 

[Dwergje16]

Hi there. Thanks for coming to us for support - we are here for you

 

It sounds like you're quite stressed about this at the moment. Please be reassured that it's common to question your gender and sexual identity, especially when you’re young.

 

This is an important stage of your life with many changes and the quest to know exactly who you are. The truth is, it's hard to know exactly who we are, especially at such a young age. As life goes on, we experience more things and develop a deep understanding of who we really are.

 

With knowing our sexual and gender identity, this is a process that really just takes time. We have to be patient and trust the journey and let it happen naturally. I know this might not be what you want to hear as we all want to know what we are.

 

I definitely think you have the courage to come out. You had the courage to come here are speak about your struggles which is the first step, so well done.

 

The only advice I can give at this point really is to just trust the process, go with your instincts and try to not put so much pressure on yourself to know all the answers.

 

I hope this helps

 

-Monsoon

 

 

Thank you Monsoon.

And you're right I should probably just wait and see how I feel for a little bit.

My friends are all lgbtq+ or great supporters so I'm not afraid to be myself around them,

even tho I haven't told them yet about how I have been feeling about my sexuality and gender.

I just hope it will feel clear soon.

 

And even tho my mom just thinks I do it because I "wanna be diffrent" She did give me permission to cut and dye my hair in a pixie cut

(when the hairdressers are alowed to do that again ofcourse). And I bought a binder so I will be wearing it when I feel comfortable to plus my mom doesn't question it.

And I resently discovered that my fathers best friend has a trans son. He's now called mykel and he will come over in a few weeks.

I don't know him but he sounds nice and maybe I can talk to him about it while my dad talks to his dad.

I don't know anyone else that's trans that I can talk to so I'm kinda exited to finally meet someone who also questioned his gender at some point and now can exept himself. It's really inspiring.

 

So I can't wait till I look more gender neurtal and finally have the courage to see for myself how I feel about my gender.

And the more I look at myself and think about it the more I become sure that genderfluid/genderqueer is the best and only label I can Put on myself for now.

Who knows, maybe I will discover that that's not the right label in a few years. But at least I feel comfortable enough with myself to try and discover myself now.

 

Thanks for the advice. It really helped.

 

Ps. I also wanted to say that I, even tho I won't come out any time soon, am proud to say that I am sure that I'm a panromantic/demisexual person and I finally, with the help of this site and all of the inspiring stories on it, have the balls to accept myself for it. So also thank you for that.

Edited April 13, 2020 by Dwergje#16

[Monsoon]

Hey there. Thanks for your reply

 

I'm pleased to hear that you have a strong support network around you. I think it's great that your father's best friend has a son who is trans. They may be able to offer you advice based on their experiences. Why don't you come up with some questions that you would like ask them? I'm sure they will be happy to help!

 

Also, thank you for your kind words about how this website has helped you. We are always here for you.

 

Keep in touch and let us know how it goes

 

- Monsoon