Stress symptoms

[Stygimoloch]

Lately, I felt like having my life finally in order, but over past month, those stress symptoms just started to get stronger. Sometimes I have problem with breathing, my chest feels heavy and I can't get enough air in my lungs. In worst cases even my stomach hurts and I feel like something is going to rip me apart from the inside. I already told my parents and they said that it is from long-term stress. But I still fail to find out what am I stressed of. I know there's been lot of it, but I felt like it was flowing around me, like nothing of it can affect me.

For example my "friend" got to know one boy and she was telling me how she fell in love with him, but her parents forbid her from meeting him again, 'cause she is 14 and he's friggin 17. Aside of that, he's smoking and I heard he and his friends are quite "known company" in their village. Of course I told her that she shouldn't meet him because I was seriously scared that he might rape her or something. But she just got angry with me and told me that if I would know him I would speak differently. I think she wasn't thinking straight and she was extremly mad with her parents that she wanted to run away from home and even told me that she would kill herself. She wouldn't talk about it constantly if she wanted to do it. I get she wants attention, but she have NEVER listened to MY problems. It was always me who listened to her and when I told her about mine, she just acted like I'm some drama queen who makes big fuss about nothing. I feel bad about not talking to her now, but I can't help her now. When I talked to her she drained all my energy. I get that she doesn't have anyone else to talk to, but I do not have either!

 

And now thees stress symptoms. I avoid people as much as I can, I go to school once a week just to write exams, I try to work on my projects to take my mind of thees things but it doesn't work. When I'm on the tramp I just put my headphones on, stand in a corner and close my eyes, so I can ignore that ugly feeling I'm still haunted by. Maybe I'm just socially anxious or something but I don't know anymore. If you have any advice about getting rid of stress, I'll be glad to hear it.

[Blondie]

@Stygimoloch It could be that you are bottling things up which can cause the physical reactions you are describing. It takes work but its good practice to get into regular self-care so that things don't get a chance to build up.

 

This is really helpful as it contains everything you m might need: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/stress-the-ultimate-guide/ There are links to our Stress Reprogramming programme too.

 

It's also positive that you recognise that the balance isn't quite right with your friend - could you try and have a chat about how you can better help each other? A time when you're getting on fine and there are no arguments is always best. Sometimes we have to step away from certain subjects (like her boyfriend) if it causes arguments and tension (unless of course you think she is in danger).

 

Your parents sound supportive too so do lean on them if you need to.

[Stygimoloch]

Yeah, my parents are amazing and they really care for me and my sisters, but it's too much going on for them now and I don't want to add them my problems when I know they have to deal with greater ones.

I read those articles and I guess I'll try some of the things. And about that friend of mine, we didn't totaly lose contact 'case we have shared chatroom with our friend whose on exchange program in Canada, so we still like talk together, but it's like I don't exist for her anymore. We've been meeting only in school, but now that I stay at home most of the time, we barely see each other. But I guess she just needs time to calm down. It isn't first time. We were friends for two years, then we didn't spoke for almost a year and as this school year started she acts like were friends again. As if she didn't ignore me for that whole time. I get little confused of her sometimes, but I think we parted for good. I can't take problems of another person. At least not now.

[Blondie]

@Stygimoloch I know it can be hard but you're doing the right thing by prioritising yourself in the friendship. Ultimately if it's all out f balance you'll end up feeling worse. How are you in developing new friendships?

[Stygimoloch]

Worst of worst :-/ I'm socially awkward and I don't really enjoy being with more than two people at once. I have two other girls I sometimes meet up with, but they go to different schools so it's hard to find time. With one of them I've spent a lot of time lately 'cause we work on music playlist together. I met both of them during last year, but with Miriam we knew each other for almost five years now. I don't get that girl sometimes, I know she has lot of problems, but never listens to my opinion. She always just came to and wanted "advice" but if I didn't told her what she wanted to hear, she just got pissed of. I know that friendship is about tolerance, but she never tolerated what I like or want to talk about and when she did something I didn't agree with, I just said "Ok, it's your choice, but if U care about my opinion it's a bad idea. " But she was able to spend next three hours trying to convice me that she is right. Where's a tolerance there? I never persuaded her to change opinion or to agree with me, but like heck if she would listen even if I tried.

I get that her personality is different from mine, but also her jokes we're little too much for me sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I'm most sarcastic person in here, but what she did was overboard even for me. She mocked me for not taking (I forgot how the word is in English, I mean the smaller meal between breakfast and lunch) and she called me anorectic multiple times. I get that she meant it like a joke, but I really didn't felt comfortable with it. And she didn't stop when I told her to. I felt sorry for her 'cause nobody else wanted to be with her because of her behavior, but what is too much is too much.

I still felt kinda bad for not supporting her anymore, but I'm not okay now and I don't feel like I can take care of all of my problems, so helping her is totally out of my mind now.

[Remi]

Hey @Stygimoloch

 

It sounds to me like you feel like you aren't being heard in your friendship is that right? Friends should make you feel like you can communicate with them, have you told her this? You can only be responsible for your own actions and not hers - maybe it would be worth taking a break for the friendship. Have a read over this article we wrote about toxic friendships and see if any red flags jump out for you? https://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-steps-to-breaking-up-with-a-toxic-friend/

 

We are always here if you need a chat and your happiness should be your number 1 priority!

 

Remi

[Stygimoloch]

I've read that and unfortunately, lot of things are kinda accurate I also took a quiz Are they really your friend? and by the results, it seems like she is "toxic" person. (There was just one question I wasn't able to answer, 'cause I never had a crush on anyone and I can't even imagine we'd like a same person)

But from where I see it, I guess we need to talk. I don't really feel good about confronting her directly, because she would just laugh at it won't stop making fun of me for the rest of my life. It's just like whatever I told her in serious manner, she only takes it like I'm making fuss out of nothing. It's not only in talking - when I came to school in dress because I was supposed to play on concert at afternoon, she laughed at me whole day and kept saying that I look like I'm going on prom or something. (It was just simple cotton black dress with long sleeves and skirt to knees) From that day I never wore dress to school again. Even when I wore oversized hoodie she made fun of me just because I had lip stick on. I mean, just because she never wears nothing else than jeans and simple hoodies, does that mean that nobody is allowed to put on anything else? I get that she doesn't care about fashion, but why does she care about what I wear?

It's like whatever I do that is different from what she does is problem. And I don't really like being picked on like this and it feels really humiliating when we're in school hall and she makes fun of me in front of everyone, also considering that she is year younger than me! I always let her 'cause I felt like she is just joking, and I'm socially awkward and I wasn't able to tell her to stop, but I can't take it anymore.

Couple of weeks ago she called me 'cause she wanted "advice" about how to hide her meeting that guy from her parents. We were talking for an hour. She asked me what would I do in her place, so I said that I would tell my parents! After that we had a loooooong argument about her not trusting her parents at all and when I told her I have no energy for talking about this anymore and directly told her that I have also my own problems and why does she think I wasn't in school for two weeks, she just snapped "Jeez, stop whinning" and that was all. Is she telling me that her "love life" is more important than me being unable to breathe sometimes and walking five stops just because I wasn't able to stay in that tramp? I tried to tell her, I really did, but she never listens!

I'm tired of it, seriously...

[Remi]

Hey there @Stygimoloch

 

What do your other mutual friends say about it? Do they see this behaviour as problematic as well? Your friends should never make you feel humiliated or shame you. It could well be that she has something else going on right now and that she can't communicate that very well which is why it is all coming out like this? Either way it isn't your responsibility to fix her but you should set firm boundaries about the behaviour you can and cannot tolerate.

 

Sending lots of positivity your way!

 

Remi

[Stygimoloch]

Honestly, she doesn't have lot of friends either. We have just one mutual friend and now she's in Canada. She is that kind of person that gets along with anyone, she never complained about anything Miriam said (because it was rarely aimed at her) but she also never joined it. Problem is that with her, neither of us ever spoke about serious things. We always just joked around, she's amazing person but I feel like she's in different world. With Miriam I felt like I can tell her anything and she'll understand because she has same thing going on, but she changed. She was sarcastic before and I didn't mind, but now it is just that sadistic joking and nothing else.

She has problems with her parents but she refuses to talk to them about it. I told her that if she wants her parents to act differently, she needs to tell them. But well, as always, it's like talking to rock.

 

(Thanks for positivity, gonna need it - I got asked to play on one event, but that event is in THREE days, and I have on songs prepared. God help me)

[Remi]

Wow thats so cool,

 

Whats the event? and what do you play? Which songs are you going to play?

 

Remi

[Stygimoloch]

It's book festival and book I helped with, is having a official launch. Author asked me to come and he said he wants to have kind of little interview with me. Than he got that great idea that I can play something! But it is this Saturday, so I have no time to prepare something new. I just decided to play Dance of Love by Ronan Hardiman (I play flute), 'cause I already remember that one. It's going to be little tricky because there will be no band to accompany me and I don't know how are the acoustics in that place, so lot of things can go wrong, but whatever.

But I'm really exited to go there, because there will be launch of the other book from that author as well. I worked on that one too (I composed two songs and made video clip for one of them)

Everyone has been awaiting this book for a YEAR now, because it's a second part and first ended up on cliffhanger. It was supposed to launch last year but things didn't go well and presale starts at 11.11. (at eleven o'clock of course;D)

 

But anyway, I'm really glad that both of the books are finished, he's kind of chaotic so at some point it seemed like he isn't ever going to finish it. And the second one is supposed to have NINE parts... whew. Well, lot of works ahead... couple of months ago he asked me if I want to write an official blog about that project, but I temporary refused, 'cause I already don't know how to handle school and all other stuff, but maybe with some time and more self-organisation... who knows?

 

Maybe

 

One day

 

 

(Probably not but I'm trying to stay positive ;D)

[Remi]

Woah that's so cool!!!

 

Do you know Lizzo? I love that she plays flute on stage too. Sounds like such a cool opportunity and it's great that you have the chance to do something like that.

 

Definitely stay positive but be patient with yourself too. You're allowed to feel.

 

How many people will you be performing to?

 

Good luck!

 

Remi

[Stygimoloch]

I don't know her, but I definely search it up. I really lov Michael Flatley and also Althea Rene rocks it with flute. (Look song Gypsy soul Live, it's amazing)

And I don't really know how much people will be there, but it won't be anywhere close to five... There are going to be at least twenty people and U have to count in the people who just walk past.. Crap, I hope I won't panic.

[Blondie]

@Stygimoloch You've got this!!!

[Stygimoloch]

[Stygimoloch]

Hi @Blondie, it's been awhile since the event (performance went really good tbh (yasssss)) but I wanted to ask you something else.

So, my mother finally got me an appointment with one really good psychologist, but it's in two months. Basic reason why I go there is individual studying plan for school. She knows me from when I was a kid, although I don't remember her, from how she sees it I may have anxiety disorder. It makes sense.

Also, in past few weeks I've been in that kind of mood when you don't want to do anything and just lay in your bed every morning like, no, no, no, not morning again. Firstly I though that those mood swings are caused by my menstruation cycle and there was always couple of weeks like nah, and then for another few weeks I was totally hyped and full of energy. But now the hyped phase didn't last longer than three days and I feel like just I don't have energy for anything. I'm trying to keep myself drugged with "positive" and I do things that make me forget about problems but, I feel like I need break from everything. But there are school assigements and exams, deadlines for my other projects, need to get Christmas presents, people around me...

I just feel like I need to put my life together somehow. I'm trying to work out sometimes, I try to organize my time better and don't leave things on last minute. It helps a little. I feel like I have more control over my life.

Aside of that, I kind of got along with that friend I told you about. We normally talk again, but I don't think I will ever talk to her about my personal things. She looks happier now and I hope it will stay this way, but I probably won't know, because she is thinking about changing schools. We're on grammar school now, but she wants to go on more specialized school. If she does that, we won't see each other at all, but it's her choice. I'll write her from time to time, but if she doesn't want to keep contact with me, I won't persuade her. Maybe it's better this way.

 

But back to the theme, I wanted to ask you if light paranoia and sudden fear of totally normal things, or strong urge to run away from some situations are also symptoms of anxiety disorder.

[Remi]

Hey hey @Stygimoloch

 

So glad the performance went well, were you nervous?

 

Well it is winter, and during this time we hibernate a lot more, and so our moods change with the lack of sunlight and a lot of people use this time for reflection. This could also be a reason for your lack of energy right now, that your body and your mind are looking for a rest so maybe allow the, to have it.

 

It sounds like you are doing a lot of the right things to look after yourself such as excercising, turning up the positivity and reconnecting with your old friend so these are all great achievements, especially in a time when you aren't feeling super energetic..

 

I always think it's important to not focus on diagnosis, people with anciety disorders don't "have anxiety" they experience it, so just remember that you are made up of so many different parts and nuances and the reasons we change our moods a lot is because we are human and this is the nature of us.

 

Remi

[Stygimoloch]

Hey guys, thanks for listening to me and really thanks for your kind words. I really appreciate it.

Yesterday was really hard day for me and I wanted to write yesterday but I couldn't find strenght. I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't know how much longer can I stand this.

I cried two times in one day and now it feels so ilogical that I just don't get it. First, I got in little argument with my parents. It was totally usual miscomunication problem, nothing serious, but I wasn't really myself that day so I just closed myself in bathroom and cryed for couple of minutes. An hour after I just got super-angry on my little sis, and it was for really stupid thing again.

We, me and my three younger sisters, have shared room and every of us has their own table. Problem is that we only have two chairs and we need to share them. I came to the room and my youngest sister(8) was playing computer game and she sat on only chair I can use. (Other one falls apart under me) I asked her if she could change the chairs but she replied no, because she was first there. This happens pretty often so I don't know what happened with me, but I grabbed my hoodie from that chair and hissed "Go to (really bad swear word that I don't know in English)" I went to my bed and all I could do was just curl myself into ball because I... I don't know how to really describe that feeling. I wasn't able to breath, I felt like throwing up, my throat was so tight that it did physicly hurt and something was roaring in my ears. I grabbed squeezed my stomach really hard, but it didn't stop. Only later I noticed that I scratched my sides with my nails so hard, that it was almost bleeding. Back then it dodn't hurt. I cryed a lot, but all this time I tried to hold it back because I didn't want my sisters to hear it. Than surpressed crying almost choked me. My chest hurted for another half an hour while I was just sitting in my bed not being able to see anything (I don't know if I just had too much tears in my eyes or I just dropped my glasses).

I wanted to tell my mother in the evening, but she was so stressed and tired that I rather didn't. I want to tell her, I really do, but I don't know how. How would I explain it? It's not normal at all and I don't know how I can tell her if I myself am unable to explain it. Just how....?

[Stygimoloch]

I think I forgot one detail - when I hissed at her, it was totally impulsive. At our home we never swear like this and I think I used that word about three times in my life. I really regretted it later, because with cool head I would NEVER said something like that to her, or anyone from my family. And now I'm scared of myself. Because if I act illogical like this, what if next time I'll hit her or something?! I don't want to harm anyone, physically or emotionaly, but sometimes it feels like I can't act rationally. It freaks me out not having control over my actions. I always tried to act logically but now it's almost impossible. I found myself angry more than I would like and then I do things I regret later. And I hate when I regret something, because it can bug me for another five years. It's unbearable. I know that they say "You will make mistake, important is to learn from them." but I don't want to make those mistakes. Like, when I forget something on exam that's okay, but things like this are really hard for me to accept, because it's something I tried to avoid my entire life.

[Remi]

Hello @Stygimoloch,

 

It sounds like you had a really stressful day and you became overwhelmed and reacted. Have you ever looked at the stress bucket analogy? Have a watch of this -

The argument with your Mum and then your siblings annoying you they all added to your stress. It sounds like you may have had a panic attack - They can often affect your breathing and make your chest feel really tight. It is actually normal to cry and release tension sometimes and it has actually been proven to make you feel better after, it releases toxins. Try some breathing exercises and going out and having a long walk the next time you get frustrated like this. But please don't be too harsh on yourself, we are all human and we all have emotions and behaviours that accompany those emotions and as you are already recognising these emotions and how they are affecting you.

 

You should try and talk to your Mom about how you are feeling, there is nothing that looks necessarily 'normal' we are all unique and i'm sure she would listen to you if you try and tell her how you feel. Next time instead of squeezing your stomach, why not try squeezing your pillow close to your stomach really tightly and see if this helps?

 

I hope some of this helps, we are here for you.

 

Remi

[Stygimoloch]

Thanks @Remi I finally got my sh*t together and told my parents. We talked about it for an hour and I feel much better now. I also went to the psychiatrist (I totally forgot about having apointement, god bless my mom) It was just a formality because of my individual plan in school, but we also talked about my anxiety attecks. She said that maybe I have little of sociophoby (or something like that) and that I'm perfectionist about myself. Only when she told me this I realized that they are right. I expect myself to be perfect and can't allow any failure. I see it now but I don't know how am I going to fight it.

Anyway, thank you

[Remi]

Hey @Stygimoloch

 

I'm glad you spoke to them and that it made you feel better, we all have a little bit of social phobia, it's what makes us mammals. And yes if you are a perfectionist it can be hard to let go sometimes. Maybe just realise that you cannot control everything and that there is not always an answer to every question.

 

Don't think of it as fighting, we shouldn't want to fight ourselves. Work with it, recognise that this is a part of you and learn to work with it.

 

Remi

[Stygimoloch]

Sounds like a challenge ;D But seriously, it is kind of fight, because whenever I just want to sit down and do nothing, my brain releases that tiny bug in my head that whispers "Shouldn't you do something productive?" Everyone needs lazy-day from time to time, I get it, but it feels wrong for me. Today was nice proof of it - I'm sick so I'm home and except finishing present for my grandmas birthday I don't have any chores. But I feel bad for not studying on exam that is in TWO WEEKS!! That's lot of time, but my mind always finds something to worry about. Not fair at all, brain, you traitor...

But I guess working on it is the best I can do. I tried to build some kind of daily plan I can hold onto, but I figured out really fast that in our house can something like that hardly work. Anyway, next year I want to try that YearInPixels thing. Also I want to set up some kind of big table calendar and write there every single chore/exam/appointement etc. because holding so many things in my head isn't really comfortable.

We'll see how it's gonna work