Quentin Harris Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 So i am a non-binary, pansexual, 14 year old who is becoming increasingly distant from my dad and stepmom. The only person i've came out to is the person who i am dating, also non-binary, and she was really supportive. But i dont know if my parents are homophobes or not and i am afraid to bring it up because our relationship is not what it was. I've threatened to run away because i dont think they will accept me for who i am. But again i havent asked how they feel about the LGBTQIA+ community, and i dont know if there are any organizations around where i live but i need help ASAP. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marv Posted November 2, 2019 Share Posted November 2, 2019 Hi there, Okay firstly: you don't HAVE to come to everyone/anyone if you don't want to. When I realised I wasn't straight, I told no one for years. It took me a long time to tell anyone and even now some people don't know about it. It's okay to keep it from people, it's okay to wait for the right moment, there is no rush to come out. Figuring out if your family are homophobic or not is very difficult. Sometimes it's obvious, and sometimes your parents actually already have an idea about you. When I came out to my mom, she said 'ahh, I thought so', she'd already noticed - I guess that's parents sometimes right? I'd suggest keeping it between you and your partner for now until you feel more comfortable and certain about coming out. I never had to assess whether or not my parents were homophobic or not, so I don't really have any suggestions in what to do there. But I've heard about people who've brought up LGBT stuff in general conversation before to see how their friends/parents reacted before coming out. My friend has just moved in with her mom and she plans to make up a story to test the waters, something like 'so my friend, she got a girlfriend, they're so cute together' and see how she reacts to it. It could be a good way to see if they're okay with LGBT stuff or not. But alternatively, wait it out. Like I said, you don't have to come out to anyone if you don't want to. You could come out at 25 to them if you wanted. It's your choice. But if you want to, by all means, go for it. Just stay safe <3 I hope this helps in some way? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remi Posted November 4, 2019 Share Posted November 4, 2019 (edited) Hello @Quentin Harris It could be worth testing the waters with an imaginary story abitu an 'LGBT' friend. Or ask out right, how would you feel if any of your children came out. As Marv said, you don't have to come out and certainly not until you feel comfortable so take it at your own pace, it sounds like you have a good support network around you to talk to right now. We are here for you, Remi Edited May 11, 2020 by Monsoon Hey. I took out the part about asking where they live to protect their anonymity. Thanks :) MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redpanda13000 Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 Hi, I recently discovered that I was bi and I even started dating a girl that I absolutely love! I haven't told anyone and our relationship has been a secret. I really really really want to tell my parents because I don't like hiding it from them but my dad is pretty homophobic. Even when I make innocent hints like just the other day we were talking about me learning how to dance my dad said that I would need a dance partner. So I said, "How about Anna?" (she is my girlfriend). And he replied "No, that would be weird". I know its just dance partners and doesn't really matter but it made me feel terrible and I don't know what to do. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marv Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 Hi @redpanda13000 I'm going to give similar advice to you as I did to the person above. Honestly, I personally think that it isn't worth telling some people because of the pain it might cause you. Like I said above, I didn't tell anyone for about my sexuality for years and there are still people around me who don't know. I'm very open about it with my friends, but most of my family outside of my Mom, Dad and sisters don't know. I guess I just feel that they don't need to know and one day they'll find out when I marry a beautiful girl (I'm bisexual but I lean heavily towards girls). I don't necessarily like keeping it from them, but also it's my (and your) special thing. What I'm saying is, although you want to tell him, and it's horrible keeping it from him, for now, it might be best to keep it between you and Anna. You don't HAVE to tell anyone anything if you don't want to. If he's going to be horrible about it, maybe for now just keep it between you guys and focus on you're love for each other? Obviously you can tell him if you want to. But like I said, you have plenty of time through your life to tell him (or not). I hope this helps MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 Hi, I recently discovered that I was bi and I even started dating a girl that I absolutely love! I haven't told anyone and our relationship has been a secret. I really really really want to tell my parents because I don't like hiding it from them but my dad is pretty homophobic. Even when I make innocent hints like just the other day we were talking about me learning how to dance my dad said that I would need a dance partner. So I said, "How about Anna?" (she is my girlfriend). And he replied "No, that would be weird". I know its just dance partners and doesn't really matter but it made me feel terrible and I don't know what to do. Hey RedPanda. I noticed that this post is the same as the topic you created, so I've responded to the other one with some advice for you MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 Hi there, Okay firstly: you don't HAVE to come to everyone/anyone if you don't want to. When I realised I wasn't straight, I told no one for years. It took me a long time to tell anyone and even now some people don't know about it. It's okay to keep it from people, it's okay to wait for the right moment, there is no rush to come out. Figuring out if your family are homophobic or not is very difficult. Sometimes it's obvious, and sometimes your parents actually already have an idea about you. When I came out to my mom, she said 'ahh, I thought so', she'd already noticed - I guess that's parents sometimes right? I'd suggest keeping it between you and your partner for now until you feel more comfortable and certain about coming out. I never had to assess whether or not my parents were homophobic or not, so I don't really have any suggestions in what to do there. But I've heard about people who've brought up LGBT stuff in general conversation before to see how their friends/parents reacted before coming out. My friend has just moved in with her mom and she plans to make up a story to test the waters, something like 'so my friend, she got a girlfriend, they're so cute together' and see how she reacts to it. It could be a good way to see if they're okay with LGBT stuff or not. But alternatively, wait it out. Like I said, you don't have to come out to anyone if you don't want to. You could come out at 25 to them if you wanted. It's your choice. But if you want to, by all means, go for it. Just stay safe <3 I hope this helps in some way? This is great advice. Thanks for taking the time to do this Marv . I really like the suggestion about telling stories to parents about friends to test the waters! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 Hello @Quentin Harris It could be worth testing the waters with an imaginary story abitu an 'LGBT' friend. Or ask out right, how would you feel if any of your children came out. As Marv said, you don't have to come out and certainly not until you feel comfortable so take it at your own pace, it sounds like you have a good support network around you to talk to right now. We are here for you, Remi Hey Quentin, Thanks for this. You've given great advice MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 Hey Quentin. Thanks for coming to us for support - we are here to help you. You're not alone I'm glad to hear that the person you're dating is really supportive. That must be so helpful for you right now as it can be hard to be in your kind of situation. I'm pleased you've got someone to support you. Can I ask, are you coming out to them as non-binary and pansexual? I think it might be a good idea, as the others said, to talk to your parents about the LGBTQIA+ community and see how they react. As the others have said, you could make up a story about a friend who is in a same sex relationship for example. But more importantly, you should only come out when you feel safe and ready. This is your moment and your choice completely. If you're happy with the way things are at the moment, then there really is no rush. Also, it's essential to only come out when you feel safe. By this, I mean that there's no chance you'll be kicked out or put in any kind of danger by coming out. Btw, you might find this helpful. I know it doesn't say about coming out as pansexual, but I think all the tips are the same really: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/top-11-tips-for-coming-out-as-lesbian-gay-or-bi/ Also, do tell us if you're thinking of coming out as non-binary too. I'll be able to support you with that as well. I hope you find this helpful - let me know what you think Hang in there! -Monsoon MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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