Still feeling the loss of my best friend, my depression is slipping back in

[SpacedOut]

About 2 years ago I lost my best friend to a car wreck. It’s hard when it just happens like that, there’s nothing you can do. You don’t get any last words to say to that person, you don’t get to say stuff that you have to work up the courage to say. You’re just left with an emptiness. I had depression before that, I took pills and went to counseling and it helped but it’s still hard for me to take pills because I almost killed myself with my antidepressants. I still remember getting up and just putting all the pills in my hand and almost taking them. I accept that depression is pretty much going to be in my life but it doesn’t make it any better. My suicidal thoughts are still there but I know how to cope with them, but they’ve been increasing as of lately. It might be that I’m closet bi-romantic because my parents are extremely homophobic. They look at gay people and bisexual people like they have a disease. I’ve seen my dad get more mad at a gay person than a murderer. It scares me to think that he might disown me if I come out to them. I’ll be going to uni soon but I still get depressed when I think about how they might change their view of me in the worst way if I tell them.