Living your truth

[Tormi]

(i already posted it up to other community discussion and then i realized it was nothing to do with gender, so i'm going to put it here too)

 

i think im ready to come out as trans. for some reason i cringe when i type it down, because really what im looking for is to be a man, a boy, me.

so,

How do you come out to your christian mom?

She's not the most christian mom out there, she belivies in happiness and there's a reason for everything and everyone.

How do you plan to come out to your world-blind dad, different world looks and supports me for being a girl, tries to baby me but not my brother?

He's not christian, he doesnt belivie in religion and is so much different of other dads because he has his own problems and illnesess.

How do you get your brother on your side and accept you, for who you are?

He's very similar to me, he was the idol for me when growing up because we played soccer and videogames together. He's not much older than me, we like pretty similar things.

I'm scared that maybe it'a too much for my mom, she is ill and suffering from a divorce. i wanna come out to her, because shes the one i trust the most. Maybe life gets easier for me, maybe she finds another reason to move to a bigger city to get treatments for me. And my brother will be excited to have a brother. Or am i going to ******* up my relationship with her?

I live in a small city in Europe and i know some other LGBT kids but i don't know anyone who's really trans, i only know one non-binery kid. They don't really talk about it a lot in school and there's really no one to talk to.

How do you accept the pressure of coming out, and how do you come out without *********everything up?

Edited May 13, 2020 by Monsoon

[Dywwik]

The way I came out to my Catholic mom was through a letter in which I wrote disguised "I like men" I sent that letter to many other people too. She the next morning came to me and talk about that one sentence in the whole 2 page letter and that was when I told her.

 

It took a while for her to comprehend and understand. Longer than my dad did. But she finished by understanding that even if I am gay, god still loves me and that was enough for her to like me too.

 

Hope this helps! ^^

[Monsoon]

Hey Kalev. Thanks for coming to us for support . We are here for you throughout your journey. I'm so pleased that you're starting to feel ready to come out as trans and start living your truth. It's such a brave thing to do and it's great that you're looking for support. It's so important to only come out if it's safe. Is there a chance you might be kicked out when you come out? If so, it's essential to only do it when you're in a position to live somewhere else and support yourself.

 

The thing is with coming out, acceptance from other people really comes down to them and their own views. We often find that people who have a bad reaction to someone they know coming out do come round to it over time. This means that you have to be really patient with them and be able to see the end result where it's all going well. This article has some useful tips for how to deal with people who don't react well to you coming out: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/

 

Also, here's an article about coming out as trans that you might find helpful: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-tips-for-coming-out-as-trans/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIxv7up8ux6QIVh-7tCh0AwgrpEAAYAiAAEgKG7PD_BwE

 

Just know that if you feel everything goes wrong when you come out, this isn't your fault. You can't control the attitudes of other people and try not to feel bad if that does happen. With dealing with the pressure of coming out, it's important to remember that there really is no rush to do it. You should only do it when you feel ready and safe - do you think that's the case right now? This is all your choice and don't feel like you have to come out just because there's pressure. There will probably always be some pressure there, but try not to rush it.

 

I hope this helps - let me know what you think

 

[Tormi]

Heh,  been awhile..

I successfully came out about year later I had written this. I’m getting on hormones this year (if everything goes well) and I’m pretty comfortable with my gender. Only problem is coming out to my father that I haven’t really thought about. About 1,5 my father found out about me using a male name and he cussed me out to my mother etc. It was pretty bad but i honestly hope that maybe he has changed his mind. Ill be attending gymnasium soon and i really hope i can attend it with my male name and gender. A little update because i feel like it =) 

Also maybe it shows how people come around, my mother wasn’t as supporting as she is now when i came out. It takes time, a lot of crying, a lot of convincing that this is truly YOU and this is how you feel comfortable. They come around because i think love is a lot more  stronger weapon than we give credit to. Maybe ill update how my hormone therapy is going if i get them this year. I really wish.

bye!!

 

[Monsoon]

2 hours ago, Tormi said:

Heh,  been awhile..

I successfully came out about year later I had written this. I’m getting on hormones this year (if everything goes well) and I’m pretty comfortable with my gender. Only problem is coming out to my father that I haven’t really thought about. About 1,5 my father found out about me using a male name and he cussed me out to my mother etc. It was pretty bad but i honestly hope that maybe he has changed his mind. Ill be attending gymnasium soon and i really hope i can attend it with my male name and gender. A little update because i feel like it =) 

Also maybe it shows how people come around, my mother wasn’t as supporting as she is now when i came out. It takes time, a lot of crying, a lot of convincing that this is truly YOU and this is how you feel comfortable. They come around because i think love is a lot more  stronger weapon than we give credit to. Maybe ill update how my hormone therapy is going if i get them this year. I really wish.

bye!!

Hey there,

I really like what you said about how love is a stronger weapon that we give it credit; when parents are forced to confront their tricky views for the sake of their child. Love really is so powerful :)

How does it feel now you've started to come out and live more as your authentic self? 

[Tormi]

I’m honestly feeling more terrified than ever. I love myself a lot more, but a lot of failed dates and relationships just because I’m not cis keep haunting me. Just recently i was at my friends birthday party and this straight man started flirting with me (me and my friend still aren’t sure if he’s really straight or not) and we ended up making out. I’m not gonna lie i was maybe a little tipsy but nothing serious. Now he’s hiding behind the fact that I’m not really a man and calling me ugly because of that. It’s pretty hard to not get affected by that. I’m trying not to let it get to me but it slowly is. 

The last 2 relationships I’ve had ended with me realizing later i was being fetishized and put down for not being cis. It was pretty hard to accept. I got messages like I’m not manly enough, I don’t have this and that, that other males have. One that stayed with me was that i didn’t have enough body hair. Are you serious!! Just pissed me off so bad. And the other one loved the way my body looked and more focused on the fact that i had feminine features. I’m not sure how i didn’t notice it before that it was getting weird. Feeling even slightly loved as a trans man is addicting. You’re just ready to do everything because we just want to be loved like everybody else but people are disgusted by us.

My mother and brother are honestly so supporting and I’ve recently came out to 3 of my childhood friends (turned out 2 of them are also LGBT+) and they have been so supportive.  Only problem with my mother is that she does not like the name i chose for myself. She absolutely hates it with her whole heart. But I don’t want to change it at all. It’s such a big part of me now and changing it would just make me so uncomfortable.

I can’t wait to begin my hormone therapy. I inspired a few of my trans friends to start hormonal therapy as well because it is hard to start on your own. 

Yeah, well living my truth is definitely been rewarding but it has also been hell on earth. There’s no happiness that is given to trans people without them having to earn it. Makes me genuinely sad. But the happiness we create for ourselves and the community, when we come together and inspire each other, that’s where i feel loved. I feel the love of other trans people who have fought hard to get where they are today, because we all are fighting for the same thing.

 

[Monsoon]

On 4/10/2022 at 5:46 PM, Tormi said:

I’m honestly feeling more terrified than ever. I love myself a lot more, but a lot of failed dates and relationships just because I’m not cis keep haunting me. Just recently i was at my friends birthday party and this straight man started flirting with me (me and my friend still aren’t sure if he’s really straight or not) and we ended up making out. I’m not gonna lie i was maybe a little tipsy but nothing serious. Now he’s hiding behind the fact that I’m not really a man and calling me ugly because of that. It’s pretty hard to not get affected by that. I’m trying not to let it get to me but it slowly is. 

The last 2 relationships I’ve had ended with me realizing later i was being fetishized and put down for not being cis. It was pretty hard to accept. I got messages like I’m not manly enough, I don’t have this and that, that other males have. One that stayed with me was that i didn’t have enough body hair. Are you serious!! Just pissed me off so bad. And the other one loved the way my body looked and more focused on the fact that i had feminine features. I’m not sure how i didn’t notice it before that it was getting weird. Feeling even slightly loved as a trans man is addicting. You’re just ready to do everything because we just want to be loved like everybody else but people are disgusted by us.

My mother and brother are honestly so supporting and I’ve recently came out to 3 of my childhood friends (turned out 2 of them are also LGBT+) and they have been so supportive.  Only problem with my mother is that she does not like the name i chose for myself. She absolutely hates it with her whole heart. But I don’t want to change it at all. It’s such a big part of me now and changing it would just make me so uncomfortable.

I can’t wait to begin my hormone therapy. I inspired a few of my trans friends to start hormonal therapy as well because it is hard to start on your own. 

Yeah, well living my truth is definitely been rewarding but it has also been hell on earth. There’s no happiness that is given to trans people without them having to earn it. Makes me genuinely sad. But the happiness we create for ourselves and the community, when we come together and inspire each other, that’s where i feel loved. I feel the love of other trans people who have fought hard to get where they are today, because we all are fighting for the same thing.

Hey there,

Yeah, there are definitely positives and negatives to this experience which I can see from what you've just said. I'm sorry to hear that the guy is calling you ugly; how are you feeling about that? I can imagine that this is so hurtful for you. 

I'm glad you're mother and brother are so accepting. It's interesting that she hates your name; why do you think that is?