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I'm desperate


Anthony IV    

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I swear I already typed this today, but I dont think it went through. Anyway, I was suicidal for a brief time months ago, and haven't really felt it again since. I have depression, but it has been worse than what it is now. I recently "broke-up" with my best friend, so now I have no one to talk with because he was the only friend I had outside of school. Recently I've been getting these urges to cut myself, and even die, just for attention. I feel like no one is paying attention to me, and I feel like cutting or killing myself will magically give me another best friend. I read the alternatives to cutting, and I do have a plan to kill myself, but I dont see myself actually doing it. I want to, but I couldn't bring myself to actually commit suicide (I dont think, anyway. If it gets bad enough, I might). I just feel really lonely and I dont know how long my music strategy will keep me satisfied from the pain. I'm in a constant hurt all day, and it drags me down to the point where it's hard to even smile. I randomly get urges to just cry, for no reason. I just want my friend back. I know it won't happen, but it felt like was the only one who helped me. I tried therapy and I didn't like it. Is it bad that I'm willing to cut and/or kill myself just to try and get another friend?

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  • Ditch the Label Staff

Hi Anthony,

We are concerned about you right now and emailed you yesterday - have you read it? As you are talking about suicide and self-harm - are you in a position to keep yourself safe right now? We care about you and want you to know that there are much safer ways to connect and get support - this could be face to face local services in your area.

 

What country / area are you in? For crisis times in the UK you can speak to The Samaritans on 116 123 and in the USA the NSPL on 1-800-273-8255. Both of these are open 24 hours a day.

 

You can contact other crisis services worldwide from here - https://www.befrienders.org/

 

In the meantime, you can use a hair band, or you can crush ice - why don’t you speak to your mother about wanting to self-injure and she may be able to support you; just focus on keeping yourself safe and keep using your coping methods with listening to music .

 

Remember that feeling can change and we will work to get you connected to a local service to you that will be able to help.

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Hi blondie,

yes, I'm in a safe position right now. I think this should all go away once school starts again, because that will give me the opportunity to make friends, but school doesn't start for another 2 months, so it could be a long summer. I will use the rubber band and hope that works. Again, I'm pretty sure i feel this way because i want to be noticed, not because I want to do this stuff (cutting, suicide). I'm just going to keep pushing through. In case you didn't know, I'm a fighter and I dont give up easily, so my summer is probably going to just be a mental war zone, but I'll deal with it thanks again!

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Oh, my family is out of this completely, btw. My mom knew about the depression a couple of months ago, and forced me to go to a therapist, but since then they have kinda stopped asking about it. My relationship with them is not the best, as we dont get along that often and we always seem to be fighting

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  • Ditch the Label Staff

Thanks so much for the reply but keep checking in with us if you're having a difficult time and that way we can help you deal with difficult periods. You do sound like a fighter which is amazing!

 

I'm glad you raised this with us as I'm sure you know, talking about things can make them feel a little easier.

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Talking does help. Also, thanks for reminding me about the rubber band trick. It helps a lot. The only tricky part is not letting my parents find out, but that's easier said than done. I have sensitive skin, so it leaves a mark on my wrist every time. I'm actually having a pretty decent day today, so there isn't much else to say. I will definitely keep you posted if anything else happens 😊

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Hello Anthony,

 

I'm glad that today is a better day, you can use a hairband and that shouldn't leave a mark on you, similarly the ice cubes.

 

Remi

This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active.

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