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I need help with identifying my sexuality

That Indian Girl    

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Hi, I am 25 year old woman from India. I have never been in a relationship before with anyone, not even a fling, until I met this girl in New York while I was studying there. Now I am back to my home country but we're still going strong. I am very much in love with my girlfriend.

The only reasons behind me questioning myself are:


1) Until almost 2 years back, I did not even think of being anything other than heterosexual. However, the only crushes I have had on men were literally the only men in my life as friends at those given points of time. (to give a count, 3 in total and 2 being before the age of 16)

2) I come from a culture where arranged marriages are a thing and sexual preference is not. You're straight and that's it and therefore point number 1.

3) I love my girlfriend, but I am not satisfied with the sex. (To be fair, I am the first girl she's been with and our intimacy is great.)

4) I have never been with a man before so I do not know if that is something I like.

5) I have found myself watching a lot of straight porn so far.


Why am I questioning?

When I came back home from New York and disclosed my relationship to my family, things were not taken well and A LOT of harsh words and repercussions were thrown at me. eg: We are your parents and we know you are not "that", this will break our entire family, bring a bad name, etc.

Since the stakes are so high, I just want to be sure before I make the move for myself.

And also because I have never been with a man, I don't know if I will like it or no.


I do know it sounds silly, but it's important for me because if I decide to come out in public my family will be highly embarrassed/ashamed and maybe even called out upon by several members of the community. So I want to be sure before I take any drastic step.

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  • Ditch the Label Staff

Hi there, It can take some time to work out who we are attracted to as it can be very fluid for many people. It could be that you are bisexual - it could be that you are just exploring your sexuality and attractions. There is certainly no rush to define yourself yet so try and enjoy the journey and the people you feel attracted to.

With regard to coming and out to your wider family - is this safe for you to do? Do you have anywhere you can go if things don't go to plan? We of course feel that everyone should be exactly who they are but for some this can be difficult or even dangerous so we often suggest that you wait until you are financially independent and away from home.

Do you have any relatives or family friends that you feel would be supportive and might be able to speak to your family?


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