I feel absolutely disgusting+ Other things.

[CardiganCorgi]

Okay so...

I don’t know, recently I’ve been in a bad mood. I know how depression works, but this is new.

No matter what I do I feel so absolutely disgusting. It’s not like.. Physically dirty. I just feel diseased in some weird way. I don’t know really. I’ve always hated how I look, but I don’t know if that’s the problem.

I don’t even know what triggered it. I just woke up one day and felt this awful. Nothing in my life has really changed.

 

The other problem,

I’ve been trying to dress differently, changed my hair color and just generally tried to look different. Maybe it’s because I’m sick and tired of people asking me, “What high school do you go to?� “You’re like 13, why are you driving?� Or other things along those lines.

Also tired of hearing, “You’ll be grateful that you look younger than you are.� I would be, if I didn’t have terrible skin and people didn’t constantly mistake me for a child. I’m tired of people talking to me like I’m some sort of baby. I’m almost 20, stop talking to me like I’ve just barely gotten out of middle school. Please, I’m so tired of it.

I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried almost everything to look more my age, but nothing seems to be working.

 

[Blondie]

Hi CardiganCorgi and thanks for sharing. Working on being happy with ourselves can often take a lot of work and needs constant top ups. Even the people we think are perfect and super happy. As you have being feeling particularly low have you dropped in to see your doctor - apart from a general check up they can usually refer to counselling services which can be an incredibly useful way to talk through how we feel and learning to be comfortable with ourselves and address any and all issues that are bothering you.

 

I get what you're saying about changing your appearance but unless we get to the root of the things that make us feel low, it will only ever be a temporary 'fix'. Counsellors are also good at helping us with coping strategies for these situations - someone I know is early 30's but looks way younger and still gets ID'd everywhere. They've switched it around and now own it, sigh and respond to people with they're lucky as they're going to age really well. I'm not making light of it as I can see it's distressing you but it's important to find a way forward. You are perfect the way you are and should never have to change for others.

 

The general theme of this article might help as it challenges negative thinking about how we see ourselves.

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/am-i-ugly/