Coming out to homophobic parents

[sara.zulu_]

I am wanting to come out to my homophobic parents as bisexual, but I don’t know how to do it. Please let me know how to come out to them or even if I should tell them or not. I am needing some help with this situation.

[Remi]

Hello @sara.zulu_

 

Really good question to ask. As we don't know your parents we just don't know how they will react but what we can do is help you work out some pros and cons of telling them now, plan for their reaction and practice what you would say.

 

We have found that normally young people get at least a neutral response, but as you said you believe your parents to be homophobic, so your safety is the paramount thing to consider. If you think that your parents may throw you out of the house or cut you off financially then it is probably a better idea to wait until you can be a lor more independent from them.

 

So what are your motivations for wanting to tell them now? How would you feel if they didn't know? Homophobia sucks, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you or who you chose to love and i'm sure deep down your parents will understand that.

 

We're here for you, whatever you need.

 

-Remi

[NothingWrong]

TL;DR: We dropped subtle hints to the homophobic parents about sexuality for a year and grew their suspicions. When coming out, the parents were more relieved that their suspicions were confirmed and more accepting. It has been 3 years since coming out. Although the parents still a bit homophobic, they love their son and accept him. Now it feels as if they're homophobic because they are confused about homosexuality from a lack of knowledge. Fear of the unknown. I'd say you should get some close friends drop some hints every now and then to test the waters. Like 1 hint every few weeks or so, but nothing more than like 2 hints in a week. Like what Remi said, it's better to be more financially secure before coming out if you're worried about the worst possible outcomes. You can continually drop hints until you're financially secure. They can't do much about it.

 

Personally, my homosexual cousin had fun coming out to his homophobic parents. Everyone who knew he was gay (his friends, siblings, and close cousins) accepted him. We would drop subtle hints to the parents that he was gay, spark interest and confusion to the parents, to test the waters and see their reactions. Their initial reactions to our hints were utter disgust and vicious remarks. Afterwards, it settled into confusion and they grew suspicious. They knew at the back of their minds, or rather, their gut feeling told them what they wanted to deny. After a couple of months, his parents started asking around if their son was gay and we would say we didn't know. The parents knew we were in on something, so they never took our words for it. Also, we couldn't come out for him, that'd be pretty disrespectful. Eventually, his parents just gave into their doubts and went from saying things like "gay people are disgusting" into "it's fine if you're gay". They pondered about it for a while and fought with their own minds. They asked themselves, "what would change if my child were to be gay? I still love him, I wouldn't disown him. I've already raised him". On his 18th birthday, he came out to his parents and confirmed their suspicions. Rather than being disgusted and angry, they were more accepting and relieved that their suspicions were confirmed. Three years ago his parents would be disgusted at homosexual couples and the thought of them. Now, they observe with interest because that's what their son is going to be like and they want to continue being a part of his life.

Edited April 2, 2019 by NothingWrong
I forgot to answer the question

[Remi]

Hey @NothingWrong ,

 

Thanks for this story, it's really helpful and comforting to see that other people have been through this and come out the other side. And for sure, the result is not perfect but it is real.

 

So thanks for sharing with us. @sara.zulu_- I hope this helps. How are you feeling today?

 

-Remi