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Coming out to my religious parents


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so I'm a 20yr old lesbian, and I moved out of my parents house about six months ago. since then I broke up with the guy I had been dating as I began to finally accept that I am gay. I've started dating a girl who I've been friends with for years and it's all going very well and feels so real, happy, right, and wonderful. it's been great to embrace who I am and experience love for the first time. I also work with my girlfriend at the same place my oldest brother works. so it got to the point I had to come out to him because it was too much to hide. he isn't super supportive but he tries his best considering how we were raised. my dad is a very homophobic ex-pastor. in the past he has been very verbally abusive towards me when he thought I was gay. now that I have come out to both my brothers they have set a deadline for me to come out to my parents by the end of the week or they will tell them. I'm really scared to come out to them and I think I should do it over the phone, knowing my dad's history of being so aggressive and hateful towards the idea of me being gay. is it wrong to come out to them over the phone? also how do I even start that conversation? I'm just really nervous for the whole thing but also ready to get it off my chest. I've known I like women since I was 12 or 13 and it will be nice to just fully embrace that and stop trying to suppress it and hide it. any advice would be great, ty!

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Hello @HunterxHannah


Welcome to our community, it's really great to have you here.


First offs, congratulations on your new relationship and for having the courage to come out despite the huge pressures from your family. We're really glad you feel so happy.


I understand why you felt the need to tell your brothers but they should not be putting a time frame on you coming out, in all honesty, this sounds like blackmail. Could you say to them that you will come out but it is your life and not theirs and you do not want to be rushed into making an important conversation? It is your sexuality and life and they should not dictate to you who, how and when you share that with anyone.


I'm so sorry your Dad isn't supportive. If he does get aggressive I would suggest doing it over the phone, keep yourself safe at all costs. Could you write him an email and send it, whenever you feel ready to. What's good about an email is that you get to say exactly what you want to say without being interrupted or without anything getting emotional. What do you want your family to know? Why don't you try writing out what you want to say here, it might help to practice it before. You want to let them know that you are happy and that you hope this doesn't change how they feel about you.


Sometimes it takes families a while to come around to these things. Wishing you lots of luck and sending positivity your way.



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