questioning sexuality

[aussa]

So about a year ago, I started to question my sexuality. This is going to be long and complicated but please bear with me. I am 19 now but back in middle school, I had "crushes" on boys in my classes. It wasn't until I was 17 that I had my first boyfriend. While we were dating, I realized that I didn't have these deep feelings for him that I thought were supposed to be present in romantic relationships. I never enjoyed kissing him except for one time and this was the one time we made out. I was interested in having sex with him at the time, which makes me think that I may only form sexual attractions after an emotional bond is built. I ended up breaking up with him after a few months because things got boring. Within the last year, I have started to realize that I have very intense feelings for my female boss who is only a few years older than me. I have considered her my mentor and I feel that we would have actually been good friends if she hadn't been my boss. I really enjoy being around her and do anything I can to be in her presence at work. Looking back on my past, I have seemed to get these odd feelings toward women that have authority over me and I tend to want to get their attention and please them. There's been a few teachers and a coach, but my boss is the first one that I have built any sort of relationship with. I can't tell if I'm a people pleaser and just have a really good relationship with my boss or if I have a huge crush on her. I have a long history of suppressing my emotions which now makes it difficult for me to identify my emotions. I also sometimes feel like I may be aromantic but maybe that's just me continuing to suppress my emotions? Being that I may be demisexual, how do I go about figuring out my sexuality in 4 short months? I am currently studying abroad which would make me feel more comfortable because I don't necessarily have to worry about a reputation.

[IHATEME1478]

I dont know how to help that well sorry because finding my sexuality has been pretty easy, i found my sexuality in about 1 month i think when i started to have huge feelings for my friend, i think you should record your emotins that you hbave around women for a few weeks

[Remi]

Hello @aussa ,

 

Welcome to our community and thank you so much for sharing here.

 

It's really common to start questioning your sexuality around this time, maybe you are aromantic and bisexual if you have romantic and sexual feelings for both women and men. I would suggest that although you really admire your boss, it may not be a good idea to act on these feelings as she is your senior and in a position of power which could add an unwanted element to your working relationship. Just be mindful of this.

 

If you are studying abroad could you go to some meetups to meet other women, or use an internet dating app and go on a date with a woman and see how you feel then. A good way to explore is by doing .

 

What do you think?

 

-Remi