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How to come out as gay


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Hi Chadstarret,


Welcome to Community and thanks for sharing this with us.


What are your reasons for wanting to come out to your family? We say there should be no rush to come out to your friends and family and your safety should be paramount when coming out. How do you think your parents might react if you told them? If you think they may react badly, it may be worth waiting until you know you have someone else to stay if you need to, or you can be financially dependent from them?


Do you have one friend that you could tell that you know would keep it a secret for you if you needed them to?


- Remi

This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active.

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  • 3 months later...

@Chadstarrett My family is also like yours. I have not come out all the way but i would recommend telling one person and seeing how they react. It can be very hard knowing that someone thinks of you differently when you were like that the whole time.

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Okay, my friend, you don't HAVE to come out. You don't HAVE to come out right now, you could come out in a few years time.

Now, by the sound of your parents being Christian and homophobic, maybe hold off telling them, and tell your friends first? You haven't said what sort of mindset your friends have, so I can only give you a few tips:


Assuming you trust them well, and they're understanding friends and open minded, you could tel them in any of the following ways (these could be used to tell you parents too if you wanted!):

- Text them,

- Email them,

- Write a note and give it to them,

- Tell them whilst on a walk/going somewhere,

- Tell them in the car, in a shop,

- Tell them when you're eating somewhere with them.

- Tell them face to face, directly.


But remember, you dont HAVE to tell anyone for as long as you want. After all, once they know, they know and you can't take it back; so choose your time carefully and be very sure with yourself, but, also, trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Not everyone follows their instincts and they tend to know more about you than you do. What are they saying? Follow them. I didn't tell anyone I liked girls for years after i realised. Only in the last year have I told people. I've only told my mom, my sisters and four friends. I've told those I trust the most. Theres plenty of people i could have told, but i chose those i trusted most. That's very important.


So, in summary: you dont have to tell anyone if you dont want to; you decide when you tell them; there is no rush; trust yourself; make the right decision for yourself and above all: dont worry. <3

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