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How do I know if I really like girls


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I have always had the urge to kiss girls in the past and i am sexually attracted to girls. However I had never thought about the possibility of being with a woman. My family isnt traditional nescassarily but i grew up with casual homophobic comments being made all the time and also my friends doing the same.

I recently met a friend who was Bi, she liked me, but I didnt not like her in that way, but she opened a conversation in my head about it.

I decided to go on a date with a girl and we have been on 3 dates. Im really enjoying it but part of me is confused if i like her on the same level as Ive liked men in the past - it feels like a very different dynamic.

Im also scared because I have had a difficult relationship with males generally growing up, and i hope im not subconciously wanting to be with a woman because of that.

I dont want to realise later and then have to end things with this girl. Im not sure if i should tell her these things either, its only been a few weeks after all.



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Hey CherrySmoothie,


Welcome to community and thanks for sharing this here. I know this is a common topic that comes up on our thread.


Sorry, your family have made a few comments in the past - How do you think your parents would react now if they knew you were dating a woman, is it anything you feel you could talk to them about?


Being bisexual myself, I have found that there is a huge difference in my relationships with men and with women - with women I find myself being more a lot more vulnerable and open, but I think this just stems from having more female friends and being more relaxed around women. I think they will always be different but this doesn't necessarily mean you don't like her. I think you are totally right when you say a 'different dynamic' because that's certainly how it feels for me.


Okay, so I have always felt a little funny about when people think that negative experiences with the opposite sex can make us gay. I, personally don't think that is how sexuality works. I think that liking women could just mean you like women, but you will know best how you feel. I think your sexuality should be something positive instead of negative...does that make any sense?


Do you like this person you are dating enough? Regardless of their gender, do you feel connected to them, enjoy spending time with them, do they make you smile (I know it's only early days :)) ? If the answers are yes, I wouldn't put an end to it just yet. But if you don't then maybe they just aren't the person for you.


I hope some of this helped :)



Edited by Remi

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Hi Remi, thank you for replying!


I dont know how they would react. I told my mum as Im quite open with her, but she just said 'please dont be homosexual'...Its strange because my family is open, but not like fully accepting. I dont know how the others would react.


Yes it is much more vulnerable early on, and i guess that was scary as when its romantic and vulnerable early on there is like an influx of feelings i dont know what to do with.


Yes.. thats true.

Actually its going really well, and i would have her as a friend even if it wasnt romantic. But I do think of her and get butterflies or want to spend time with her etc. So maybe my sexual attraction to women is also romantic.. i guess I will just wait and see how everything goes :)

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Hey Cherry Smoothie,


Glad you found it useful :)


Mmm that's a hard reaction from your mum, sometimes it takes parents a while for the news to settle and for them to come to terms - my family were similar - like it's fine if it is somebody elses family but took a while to come to terms with me coming out.


The butterflies are always a good sign, and the fact that you see a friendship after means that you have a bit less pressure in just seeing how it goes.


Good luck :) x

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