My teen life

[The.real_13]

hey I’m a 13 year old girl in 8th grade, and recently I hit rock bottom with my self esteem. When I was in 5th grade I got really made fun of being ugly, not dressing well, my hair being frizzy and so much more. My mom loves me and so does my dad and they see me as someone as super strong and someone who is smart so I never told anyone about getting bullied only some of my friends but I was embarrassed to tell them. It got so bad so when I got into 6th grade the bullying stoped because I changed myself , and I was gaining confidence and found the perfect Moment to confess to my crush and the reply I got was “eww no� I was devastated. Throughout the year I found out the reason why my friends ditched me, it was because hanging out with them embarrassed them, my best friend who I told every secret became toxic and moved away. I lost everyone and it became hard in 8th grade, I started doubting my self and Whenever someone was like you are beautiful and you are worth so much I know it was a lie. I started crying every night to my self, I lost my self starting to have thoughts of self harm. I got better and thought I could change more, I stared sneaking makeup, becoming smarter, trying to work out and getting healthier and forgetting bad thoughts. Now recently I lost most of my other friends, I was still ugly no matter what, I got my hopes up everytime a guy talked to me and I thought my crush might liked me and I told him about it and he was giving excuses like I only like you as a friend I don’t feel like that but I’m pretty sure if he sees a girl with a big ass he wouldn’t even care. So now I’m hitting rock bottom and I don’t even know what to do. -get a dog and be happy with my self but ditch others -be lounly for life - tell my mom idk.

[Remi]

Hey The.Real_13,

 

I’m so sorry to hear that things have gotten to rock bottom with your self-esteem. You aren’t alone it’s really hard to ignore negative voices about ourselves in this society. Just know that the reasons these people said horrible things to you had absolutely nothing to do with you, it was all to do with them and them having prejudice or unhappiness, neither of which is your fault. I always try to not care about the opinions of those that do I do not care for. It sounds like two people who know you very very well (Mom+Dad!) can see the true you, an intelligent and strong woman!

 

I get why you may feel scared to speak up, bullying makes us feel weak and as if there is something wrong with us, but as I said above it is just not true. 1 in 2 young people have experienced bullying, that’s sooo many of us, you can still be strong and have experienced bullying so if you think it would make you feel better then I would open up to your parents about what you are going through. As for your friends, it’s a weird age where everyone is so concerned about their ‘public image’ it would be too easy to say they are just bad people because in reality, they are probably just as worried about their self-esteem as you, and are just trying to fit in but what they did to you was unkind and you did not deserve it. I know you have had setbacks but there are good people out there who are genuine when they say they like you so try and be open to meeting them.

 

To be real with you, I have really frizzy hair and am a bit overweight and when I was 13 I used to straighten my hair every single day because I was so embarrassed by it - I changed myself to fit into the idea of beauty that I thought everyone wanted, now a bit older I wear my hair curly and proud and get so many compliments on it every day and I have learnt that confidence and self-love are the two most attractive qualities you can have. SO please please pllleeeeaassee don’t change yourself for anybody else as you will never be happy. Change is good and if there are any positive changes you want to make just make sure your intentions are to please yourself and none else.

 

I’m so so sorry you are hurting so much you want to release through self-harm, well done for now doing it - if you ever get the urge again to self injure here is a list of some safer alternatives to self-harm - https://www.ditchthelabel.org/15-saf...-to-self-harm/, your self worth is not measured by other people.

 

Getting a dog sounds like a bloomin' awesome idea, dogs are also great at helping you to make friends. Surround yourself with people that make you feel good if that is at all possible, you don’t need to be friends with people who do not have your best interests at heart. It’s hard to be picky when you feel like you don’t have many or any people but when that right person does come along it will be a true connection and they shouldn’t make you feel as though they are doing you any favour by being your friend. Are there any local clubs or societies that you could join to help you meet more people outside of your friendship group and school. It would give you something to focus on, progress at and will give you somewhere to meet new people.

I really hope some of this helped you, you are awesome!

-Remi x

Edited February 6, 2019 by Remi

[The.real_13]

Thank you so much it made me realize that this is my life and not theirs. My mom use to tell me that the best best friends are moms but because I feel like if I told her about things like boys, makeup, and other things because we are religious it is a little hard to tell her. I also realized that I can’t change others to be my best friend so instead of trying to better them I should focus on my own qualities and make them better so that one day they realize the mistake they made with mistreating me. Thank you 😊

[Blondie]

So happy to hear this! We're always here if you need us and I'm sure your experience will help lots of others.