Hi

[Ck8472]

I'm a 42 year old woman who has had issues over her looks for a long time. My own brother has called me "fat and ugly" many times! Just today I was screamed at from a passing car and even though I didn't catch exactly what it was I definitely heard "ugly". I get people staring at me and laughing in my face constantly. I'm just trying to live my life and I want to get on with it peacefully and as happily as possible but it feels like I'm not allowed to by people who are angered by just looking at me! I have posted about this issue on another website and got bullied for it there so I'm grateful that I have found this place. I'm not suicidal, particularly depressed or anxious right now but have been down that road before and don't want to travel it again. Just recently I have felt more isolated and alone due to the cold weather and I do find it hard to connect with people at the best of times. I'm starting a new job soon so I'm hoping that will help my confidence a bit but worried that the anxiety will take over and leave me a mess once again I don't want to feel like that I'm scared of the way I feel about myself

[Remi]

Hello @Ck8472 ,

 

Welcome to community and thank you for sharing this personal account here.

 

I am so sorry that you have experienced negative comments on your appearance, especially from your own family. Does your brother realise what he is saying is hurting you like this?

 

I know it’s so hard to do, but please try and ignore what random strangers say to you, remember they don’t know you or anything about you. Why should we care about the opinions of people that we do not care about? Remember these people that stare and laugh at you have a prejudice within them and that you are not the cause of their behaviour. If they are angered just by looking at you that they have a lot of anger inside them which has nothing to do with you, so please don’t let them put you down.

 

It’s really horrid that other people have led you to feel down on yourself because you seem to have such a positive outlook on life. One thing to remember is that no-one has the perfect look or the perfect body it is impossible to achieve so we are chasing something that doesn’t exist. I read a good quote recently that said “We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.� - so you need to look after and love number 1 and that’s yourself, there are so many things other than aesthetics that make you, wonderfully you.

 

Are you on social media? I find following body positive accounts such as @bodyposipanda, @Iweigh, @tessholliday and @ashleygraham really cheer me up and it makes me feed a more positive and inclusive space where I am not comparing myself anymore.

 

I have also written - in lipstick on my mirror some positive affirmations to myself so that every morning, especially the mornings where I just can’t think of one positive thought to give myself - I go “ahh heres one I made earlier!�. Surround yourself with positivity in your home and on social media, and start challenging your negativity when you see yourself - you are wonderful, and you don't ever need to change

 

I think starting a new job will be a really good way for you to meet some new friends and regain some confidence. How long until you start? Is there anyway you could join a weekly club to help build up your confidence before you start? It might help you to feel less isolated, winter is a tough time for a lot of us so it is natural to feel this way.

I hope some of this helped!

 

-Remi

Edited February 13, 2019 by Remi