Why can't I shake this?

[Fawnieboo]

Please bear with me but I need some clarity on this issue. Be honest please. I am mom of 5 boys 3 of which are teenagers. I am happily married for 16 years. I just want to have a few good female friends to hang out with and have fun. I thought I found one but I am so confused. A few years ago when my son started high school he began to get in trouble all the time. The dean at his school at the time was such a nice sweet person. I was she has such good energy and a positive vibe that we should be friends ourside of school. We agreed to keep business and personal separate. So we started to hang out it was cool. Now keep in mind I have known her for 3 years on a Professional level 6 months now as "friends". Should i just end this whole friendship here is why? So when i text she hardly if ever responds, I invite her places all the time fun stuff for us to do. She doesnt invite me at all. She claims because she is such a homebody she doesnt do much so she doesnt know where to go, we always talk about her all the time and whenever i begin to mention me she goes ohclet me call you back. Didnt call me on my bday because she said she was so busy at work and alot was going on, we went out of town together and she ditched me to go and hangout with her male bestie who she talks to multiple times a day and text often with, sometimes is so super sarcastic and says hurtful things as well. Now I am a stay at home mom and she made a terrible comment one day and really hurt my feelings. I dont know why I desperately want to be her friend. I dont have alot of friends nd when we do hang out we have so mich fun. What am i doing wrong? Or what else can I do? Did I mention i have bought and her gifts as well and do I expect things in return NO but something would be nice. I just want to have that 1 or 2 good female friends who I can talk to hang out with and just have mom and wife free time.

[Remi]

Hey Fawnieboo,

 

Friendships are tough at any age, and I think as we grow older and in your case start families there are a lot fewer opportunities to connect with likeminded honest people that have the time to keep up with us - a lot of people also have their friendships solidified by then. It's no wonder with 5 boys (kudos btw) that you haven't had lots of time for socialising.

 

It sounds to me from what you've said that although you and this woman have a good time together, she probably isn't looking for the same kind of friendship connection that you are in this moment. There is also an added element as you are one of her parents so she may be putting up some professional barriers around your friendship which are sensible.

 

I think when people are giving you signs such as not making time to see you, or not texting you back they are giving you non-verbal indicators that they do not prioritise you. Now, this does not mean she doesn't like you at all. It just means she isn't able at this moment to give you what you need in the friendship which is quality time and regular contact. I would advise trying to meet some more new people and when you begin these new friendships try to match their level so they don't get overloaded by you. You clearly have so much love to give so it's worth making sure the other person is ready to match that to avoid you feeling hurt and rejected as you do now.

 

Just know, it's not your fault, friendships are a really confusing thing and we all get it a bit wrong every now and again. You definitely deserve time to just feel like you without being 'mother' or 'wife' have you tried looking at dance classes, or 12 week courses where you bond with people that like the same things as you?

 

-Remi

Edited February 6, 2019 by Remi