I don't know my sexuality and right now it feels like its on a clock

[allfingerscrossed]

okay so this is a long story. basically, last april my best friend (f) told me (f) that she liked me and at that point I thought for sure i was straight so our friendship just continued as normal but like our friendship has always been really touchy so lines got really blurry really quickly and like over the summer she told me that she was in love with me and just for clarification we keep a lot of our communication really open which was really important for us but then I started dating this boy and he's really nice and i should by all means really like him but for a lot of my life my feelings have just sort of been... shut down, like I don't really know if I can feel anything and it's weird but anyways we've gotten to the point where it's basically all or nothing with my friend. Like either she needs space to the point where we basically aren't friends anymore or we're in a relationship and I don't know how I feel about her or the boy I'm dating and I realize that should probably make me realize I should not date either of them but I'm just really really confused because I don't want to lose her but I don't know how it would work or how anything would work and it's just a really big leap to say I'd be with my friend but I just don't know and I need help.

[Remi]

Hey @allfingerscrossed

 

Welcome to community, I think it’s good you could express yourself fully, this sounds like a situation with lots of different parts and I really understand why you feel stressed about this.

 

So you are currently dating a guy but you aren’t sure how you feel about him? What made you start dating originally?

With your friend - I know it seems like there are only two options and that everything is on a time limit, I promise you do always have a choice, and that choice does not need to be rushed. There would be no sense in you breaking up with your current boyfriend, and then getting with your new girlfriend before you are certain of what you want as you will be in the same situation not long down the line. You need time to figure out what you want.

 

I think that it is unfair of your friend to give you an ultimatum - she is probably doing this as she does not want to get hurt and by telling you her feelings she has been left really exposed. But the best thing you can do is just talk to her - let her know that although you have some feelings, you really value her friendship and you are not ready to make any big decisions about your relationship yet. She may be upset - but in the long run, it will be the best thing for your relationship and it may allow something to happen in future.

 

How do you think she might take it if you tell her you aren’t ready yet?

-Remi

Edited January 31, 2019 by Remi