Feeling confused and a little overwhelmed with feelings

[leahbanks812]

I've always thought I was straight but I would say maybe a year ago I developed a huge crush on a really feminine guy and even hooked up with him on multiple occasions. then a little while later I made out with a girl at a party... a little while later I made out with another girl. at this point I thought maybe something was a little off in me but just played it down to being a drunk girl at a party with other drunk girls. when I realized that a friend (who I became super close with) identifies as bi, I began wondering about my own sexuality, and began to feel super strong feelings of attraction to both girls and guys. anyways, before I label myself, I would really like to maybe have an experience with a girl that doesn't take place at a party but I have no idea how to go about putting myself out there in that way... this seems kinda worrisome though, is it shallow of me to want this?

[Remi]

Hi Leah,

 

Welcome to Community! Really great question.

 

The reasons you may of thought you were straight before is that it takes us all time to figure out our sexuality. I didn’t come out until I was 23.

It isn’t shallow at all to want to explore your sexuality - A lot of people misunderstand bi-sexuality but it is totally real and totally valid. My advice if you would like to start putting yourself out that way is to ask a woman out on a date if that is an option where you are from? Try not to rush it - it’s a process which should come naturally so although I know you are eager to find out but sometimes the right girl doesn’t come along straight away.

 

Is there anyone you like at the moment?

 

-Remi

[leahbanks812]

Thanks so much for responding:)

There actually is a guy I really like at the moment... and funny you asked because that leads in to a problem I’m having; I feel like I’m resisting things progressing with this guy because I want so bad to have an experience with a girl. You are exactly right, I am absolutely super eager to the point that I feel like I’m putting things on hold... I know it isn’t right to rush to put a label on things but for some reason it seems comforting? Kinda weird. But yeah, I’m definitely sure that I like girls and guys but for some reason I feel like my feelings aren’t valid until I’ve had the same experiences with a girl as I have had with guys. Anyway, not sure if any of that made sense haha, but thanks in advance!

Leah

[Remi]

Hey Leah!

 

That totally makes sense! It's really hard to feel fully bisexual if you haven't had a sexual experience with a woman. But this other guy sounds nice? Is it worth passing up the experience with him?

 

IMO, you can't rush these things because you want to make sure your first experience is with the right person, and not the next girl you run into! She should be someone who is patient and respectful with you. That may happen next week but it also may be a few months down the line...

 

Keep me posted!