If your best friend leaves you drunk and alone, are they really your best friend?

[lil]

I've been friends with this girl since kindergarten, and we've always been close (i'd consider her my "best friend"). She has a separate group of friends that i'm friendly but not close with. The other night me and my best friend and her group of friends went to a party. When we go to parties it seems to be a common theme that she dosen't really make an effort hang out with me or come find me. At the end of the night, her and her friends were going clubbing (II didn't want to go). Instead of finding me after the party to make sure I got home safe, she went to town without even saying goodbye. My uber account wasn't working so I was left very drunk on the street alone, with no way home, in a dodgy area. At one point I couldn't even formulate a text or even stand up, so I just lay on the street crying. It sounds dramatic, but I think it was the most scared i've ever been. Luckily a stranger found me and called my other close friend, who walked all the way to find me at 1am and called my parents and an uber home. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have made it home. It makes me really upset whenever I think about what could've happened that night. My friend who originally left me ended up calling ONLY after my mum texted her asking if i was ok. The next day her excuse was that she was really drunk and didn't remember leaving the party at all. I don't know if this is true since she was sober enough to get into clubs and formulate perfectly good texts to my mum (saying I was fine which I wasn't). I know it is my fault that I got in that state in the first place but even when i'm not sober I always prioritise my friends safety, and send them a text asking if they got home safe. I've told her i'm not mad, but its weighing on me and I keep wondering whether she really cares about me or even thinks of me at all?

[Willow]

Hi lil!

 

I’m really sorry to hear you felt so scared that night. And it makes sense you would question whether you should go out and drink with her, again. If you need someone there to support you while you’re drinking, she may not be the best choice of people to trust.

 

If I had a friend who did this, I would really wonder if they were interested in being my friend. Especially when you would consider her your ‘best friend’. You don’t abandon your best friend. I, also, find myself taking care of friends when they drink… so we have to look at what and why we expect from our friends to do the same.

 

We must look at the entire situation. Your friend was not sober, and could not take care of you. She knew that you didn’t want to go to the club, so when they were ready to go, they left. She didn’t know your Uber account wasn’t working, right? So she didn’t expect that you would be left on the street with no way home. I’m sure she didn’t desire for you to be scared for your life.

 

Could you two discuss ways to prevent this in the future? Would she be open to talking about that? Here’s an article that can help you talk about your needs, that might be helpful:

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/speak-anyone-anything-conflict-resolution/

 

Thanks for sharing!

 

 

-willow