Hey, everyone Im back

[-Aussie-]

***THERE IS A SH WARING AND STUFF TO DO WITH ANEXITY ATTACKS AND NOT EATING***

 

Hey, Im back after a while. How has everyone been doing?  I don't know if many people will remember me....

 

My life has been okay  lately. I did have a relapse about a week ago and that really made my parents mad or upset I don't know, they said that they were concered but I think if thats wat it was then they would not have been yelling at me for it and acting all nice in front of my coach. my coach was the one who knew about it first cause I have a panic/Anxiety attack and she helped me calm down then that coach told another coach and the one coach that the first one told asked me about it and then she had to report it, but yeah I guess my life has been like crap lately and I have been having more and more anxiety attacks and they are really bad ones.... I also haven't been eating as much because my anxiety has gotten so bad and doing marching band and not eating is not a good thing. 

[Hazard]

2 hours ago, -Aussie- said:

***THERE IS A SH WARING AND STUFF TO DO WITH ANEXITY ATTACKS AND NOT EATING***

Hey, Im back after a while. How has everyone been doing?  I don't know if many people will remember me....

My life has been okay  lately. I did have a relapse about a week ago and that really made my parents mad or upset I don't know, they said that they were concered but I think if thats wat it was then they would not have been yelling at me for it and acting all nice in front of my coach. my coach was the one who knew about it first cause I have a panic/Anxiety attack and she helped me calm down then that coach told another coach and the one coach that the first one told asked me about it and then she had to report it, but yeah I guess my life has been like crap lately and I have been having more and more anxiety attacks and they are really bad ones.... I also haven't been eating as much because my anxiety has gotten so bad and doing marching band and not eating is not a good thing. 

That answers the question I asked on your other thread

I'm really sorry that you relapsed. It's always difficult, especially when you feel like you've been doing really well. Just remember that even though you've relapsed, it doesn't mean that you failed or anything like that. It just means that you're doing something really difficult, and every time you do something difficult, there can be a slip, but you're going to conquer it. I've also relapsed many times, but I'm at probably around six months free now, so their is a lot of opportunity for progress. Just keep finding the things that help you cope.

I think it scares parents, because they feel like it's somehow their fault that you've relapsed. They might be turning their concern into something that feels like anger out of defensiveness. It might help the situation if you find something to thank them for that helped you stay clean for that time. 

Definitely not a good thing. Has it improved at all? Try taking it one meal at a time - or if not a meal, just encourage yourself to eat a granola bar, and then something a little bigger, and then work your way up to a meal.

Hope this helped,

Haz

[-Aussie-]

29 minutes ago, Hazard said:

That answers the question I asked on your other thread

I'm really sorry that you relapsed. It's always difficult, especially when you feel like you've been doing really well. Just remember that even though you've relapsed, it doesn't mean that you failed or anything like that. It just means that you're doing something really difficult, and every time you do something difficult, there can be a slip, but you're going to conquer it. I've also relapsed many times, but I'm at probably around six months free now, so their is a lot of opportunity for progress. Just keep finding the things that help you cope.

I think it scares parents, because they feel like it's somehow their fault that you've relapsed. They might be turning their concern into something that feels like anger out of defensiveness. It might help the situation if you find something to thank them for that helped you stay clean for that time. 

Definitely not a good thing. Has it improved at all? Try taking it one meal at a time - or if not a meal, just encourage yourself to eat a granola bar, and then something a little bigger, and then work your way up to a meal.

Hope this helped,

Haz

I have tried to eat but every time I do I get really sick but also when I don't eat I still get sick and I get really dizzy on the field, I almost passed out like a day ago. 

my parents were really mad, they said that if it happens again then I will have to move school and give up the one thing that I really love, and with that I will have to leave all of my friends and the people I trust. I really do want to thank them but I don't know what to thank them for cause they took away my one coping thing that really helped and they almost took away my happy place and this morning when I was already stressed I got yelled at kick and almost hit....

I really do want to thank them but how do you thank them if this is how it is. 

it got so bad that my coach gave me her phone number so I can text or call her when I need help cause it was that bad once. 

[-Aussie-]

33 minutes ago, Hazard said:

That answers the question I asked on your other thread

I'm really sorry that you relapsed. It's always difficult, especially when you feel like you've been doing really well. Just remember that even though you've relapsed, it doesn't mean that you failed or anything like that. It just means that you're doing something really difficult, and every time you do something difficult, there can be a slip, but you're going to conquer it. I've also relapsed many times, but I'm at probably around six months free now, so their is a lot of opportunity for progress. Just keep finding the things that help you cope.

I think it scares parents, because they feel like it's somehow their fault that you've relapsed. They might be turning their concern into something that feels like anger out of defensiveness. It might help the situation if you find something to thank them for that helped you stay clean for that time. 

Definitely not a good thing. Has it improved at all? Try taking it one meal at a time - or if not a meal, just encourage yourself to eat a granola bar, and then something a little bigger, and then work your way up to a meal.

Hope this helped,

Haz

I promised I sent something but it needs to be aproved. 

[Lennie]

8 hours ago, -Aussie- said:

I have tried to eat but every time I do I get really sick but also when I don't eat I still get sick and I get really dizzy on the field, I almost passed out like a day ago. 

my parents were really mad, they said that if it happens again then I will have to move school and give up the one thing that I really love, and with that I will have to leave all of my friends and the people I trust. I really do want to thank them but I don't know what to thank them for cause they took away my one coping thing that really helped and they almost took away my happy place and this morning when I was already stressed I got yelled at kick and almost hit....

I really do want to thank them but how do you thank them if this is how it is. 

it got so bad that my coach gave me her phone number so I can text or call her when I need help cause it was that bad once. 

Hi @-Aussie- my name is @Lennie I'm one of the support mentors here. Firstly - welcome back!  Thanks for sharing what sounds like a really challenging set of circumstances.

I think it's really nice that you feel like you want to thank your parents as I'm sure they have done a lot for you. I understand, however, that their warning of moving you to a different school if your SH behaviour doesn't change must feel unnerving and unhelpful. After all, school is where your friends and marching band are, and I'm sure these are important sources of support and stability in your life.

I'm wondering, do you feel able to have an open conversation and explain these things to them? Perhaps they don't fully appreciate your side of things if you haven't yet had this kind of talk with them. You could also discuss getting some additional support from a therapist with them rather than simply moving schools.  What do you think?

Also, if you would like to continue this conversation in a more confidential environment, you can always contact one of the support mentors 1-2-1 by following this link: https://forums.ditchthelabel.org/support

[-Aussie-]

2 hours ago, Lennie said:

Hi @-Aussie- my name is @Lennie I'm one of the support mentors here. Firstly - welcome back!  Thanks for sharing what sounds like a really challenging set of circumstances.

I think it's really nice that you feel like you want to thank your parents as I'm sure they have done a lot for you. I understand, however, that their warning of moving you to a different school if your SH behaviour doesn't change must feel unnerving and unhelpful. After all, school is where your friends and marching band are, and I'm sure these are important sources of support and stability in your life.

I'm wondering, do you feel able to have an open conversation and explain these things to them? Perhaps they don't fully appreciate your side of things if you haven't yet had this kind of talk with them. You could also discuss getting some additional support from a therapist with them rather than simply moving schools.  What do you think?

Also, if you would like to continue this conversation in a more confidential environment, you can always contact one of the support mentors 1-2-1 by following this link: https://forums.ditchthelabel.org/support

I have tried taking to them every time I don't they always put the blame of school and band, or they will start yelling or talking about how "my life is the same as yours", "I was a kid to" 

"You cant let anxeity control your life" "Everyone has anxiety, deal with it"

Yes those are all quotes, I have had a therapist but It didn't help at all

[Mestizo]

2 hours ago, -Aussie- said:

I have tried taking to them every time I don't they always put the blame of school and band, or they will start yelling or talking about how "my life is the same as yours", "I was a kid to" 

"You cant let anxeity control your life" "Everyone has anxiety, deal with it"

Yes those are all quotes, I have had a therapist but It didn't help at all

Hi @-Aussie-. I too want to welcome you back! I’m Mestizo one of the other Support Mentors with Ditch the Label. Thank you for sharing your current experience with us. I appreciate the thoughts both @Hazard and @Lennie have share with you. It sounds like others (i.e., your parents and previous therapist) have tried to be helpful, but the way in which they have tried to help has really not been helpful to you. Is that correct? Besides your coach is there anyone else that is aware of your situation that you trust? In the past when you’ve found yourself struggling in this way was there anything you did in the past as far as coping strategies that you found were helpful to you? 

Also, one thing I’ve learned about therapist is that therapist are like shoes, they won’t all fit, but that doesn’t mean one stops wearing shoes because a pair didn’t fit. One tries on other pairs until one fines one that fits and that they like. I’m wondering if perhaps looking to work with a different therapist or school counselor might be an option for you? What do you think? 

[-Aussie-]

Yeah that seems right but I refuse to go to anykind of school counselor. I had coping ways that worked really really well but them my parents took those away.

I don't have anyone else that I trust because I have a hard time trusting people and those two coaches have helped me before and they have earned my trust with stuff like this. there are two other coaches that know about what happened but I dont trust them so I don't talk with them. 

We tried like one many two other therapist but they never work cause I hate talking to people about how I feel and my problems. 

[Mestizo]

8 minutes ago, -Aussie- said:

Yeah that seems right but I refuse to go to anykind of school counselor. I had coping ways that worked really really well but them my parents took those away.

I don't have anyone else that I trust because I have a hard time trusting people and those two coaches have helped me before and they have earned my trust with stuff like this. there are two other coaches that know about what happened but I dont trust them so I don't talk with them. 

We tried like one many two other therapist but they never work cause I hate talking to people about how I feel and my problems. 

Hi @-Aussie-. Do you mind me asking why you feel the way you do regarding the school counselors? Of course you don’t have to answer if you prefer not to. I’m just wanting to get a better understanding of your situation. Also, if you are okay with it, could you share what was the coping strategy that got taken away from your parents? If you prefer to talk about this on CS just let us know. Only share what you feel comfortable sharing. 

How were those two coaches able to earn your trust? What did they do that made that possible? 

Would you say then that the primary issue is the overwhelming feeling you get about sharing with a therapist how you feel than it being more of an issue that you don’t like the therapist? 

[-Aussie-]

I used music alot to help me but my parents too away all of my music apps. so i cant use music anymore and i used notebooks but they has gone through my notebooks. 

the two coaches helped with my panic attacks and anxeity attacks. 

I just hate talking to people about my feels and my struggles cause it makes me feel weak that's why I don't show much emotion 

umm I don't trust the schools people cause they are part of the reason I'm in this problem so I really really don't like talking with them anymore.

[-Aussie-]

I am struggling with eating more and I have practice today and I haven't ate at all. I'm starting to feel really sick and getting a bit dizzy. I'm not at practice yet but I think it will be a lot worse at practice and giving the heat and the fact we cant get water as much I don't think I'm going to be okay at practice

Edited August 8 by -Aussie-

[Lennie]

1 hour ago, -Aussie- said:

I used music alot to help me but my parents too away all of my music apps. so i cant use music anymore and i used notebooks but they has gone through my notebooks. 

the two coaches helped with my panic attacks and anxeity attacks. 

I just hate talking to people about my feels and my struggles cause it makes me feel weak that's why I don't show much emotion 

umm I don't trust the schools people cause they are part of the reason I'm in this problem so I really really don't like talking with them anymore.

I'm pleased to hear that two of your coaches were able to help with your panic and anxiety attacks, that must have felt good to have them on your side helping and supporting you. I can understand that it probably took some time to build the trust with these coaches before you felt comfortable enough to let them support you. Is that fair to say?

If so, I would compare this to the process you go through with a therapist. At first you don't know them, so it can feel difficult to be vulnerable around them. Much like with the coaches though, if you give it some time, then you may be able to build a level of trust. From there, they will have the skills to offer a lot of trained help, support and advice. 

I do understand the first phase of this process can be a challenge, and as @Mestizo said, this might take a few attempts to find the right fit. But once you do, they have the potential to help significantly. It can sound cliché, but we can't do things alone, and opening up and letting people in can start the process of making you feel stronger and supported. What do you think about this? Would you be open to speaking with your parents and looking into trying therapy? 

[-Aussie-]

1 minute ago, Lennie said:

I'm pleased to hear that two of your coaches were able to help with your panic and anxiety attacks, that must have felt good to have them on your side helping and supporting you. I can understand that it probably took some time to build the trust with these coaches before you felt comfortable enough to let them support you. Is that fair to say?

If so, I would compare this to the process you go through with a therapist. At first you don't know them, so it can feel difficult to be vulnerable around them. Much like with the coaches though, if you give it some time, then you may be able to build a level of trust. From there, they will have the skills to offer a lot of trained help, support and advice. 

I do understand the first phase of this process can be a challenge, and as @Mestizo said, this might take a few attempts to find the right fit. But once you do, they have the potential to help significantly. It can sound cliché, but we can't do things alone, and opening up and letting people in can start the process of making you feel stronger and supported. What do you think about this? Would you be open to speaking with your parents and looking into trying therapy? 

yeah, its about that. they have helped me a lot so I have learned to trust them

I know that they are trained but to me I feel like that makes it worse and I just hate going and most times I am forced to go and I just over all hate going. 

I'm not talking to my parents about it cause then they will go on there whole thing like your fine nothing is wrong with you this is why you have medication and all of this stuff that I have heard thousands of times that I don't want to hear again. 

[Lennie]

11 minutes ago, -Aussie- said:

I am struggling with eating more and I have practice today and I haven't ate at all. I'm starting to feel really sick and getting a bit dizzy. I'm not at practice yet but I think it will be a lot worse at practice 

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with eating today, @-Aussie-, is there a specific type of food that you find manageable to eat when you are feeling like this? If so, do you think you could try that?

Unfortunately, I have to log off now but I will leave a couple of relevant helpline links below. Please do reach out to them if you feel like you need additional help today. There will be a mentor online again tomorrow and we can pick things up with you then, And as @Mestizo mentioned, you can speak also reach out on confidential support if you would like to speak more privately. I hope you are able to eat a little something before practice. Try not to push yourself if you are feeling dizzy or have low energy 

 

• NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF ANOREXIA NERVOSA & ASSOCIATED DISORDERS - USA 

Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

www.anad.org/site/anadweb 

• NATIONAL CRISIS LINE - Anorexia and Bulimia - USA 

1-800-233-4357

 

 

 

[-Aussie-]

1 minute ago, Lennie said:

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with eating today, @-Aussie-, is there a specific type of food that you find manageable to eat when you are feeling like this? If so, do you think you could try that?

Unfortunately, I have to log off now but I will leave a couple of relevant helpline links below. Please do reach out to them if you feel like you need additional help today. There will be a mentor online again tomorrow and we can pick things up with you then, And as @Mestizo mentioned, you can speak also reach out on confidential support if you would like to speak more privately. I hope you are able to eat a little something before practice. Try not to push yourself if you are feeling dizzy or have low energy 

• NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF ANOREXIA NERVOSA & ASSOCIATED DISORDERS - USA 

Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

www.anad.org/site/anadweb 

• NATIONAL CRISIS LINE - Anorexia and Bulimia - USA 

1-800-233-4357

not really when I don't eat I cant even force my self to eat it gets that bad. 

I am probably going to push my self no matter what cause that's what I always do.

if you need to Im okay if you tag others mentors on this post

[Hazard]

23 hours ago, -Aussie- said:

I have tried to eat but every time I do I get really sick but also when I don't eat I still get sick and I get really dizzy on the field, I almost passed out like a day ago. 

my parents were really mad, they said that if it happens again then I will have to move school and give up the one thing that I really love, and with that I will have to leave all of my friends and the people I trust. I really do want to thank them but I don't know what to thank them for cause they took away my one coping thing that really helped and they almost took away my happy place and this morning when I was already stressed I got yelled at kick and almost hit....

I really do want to thank them but how do you thank them if this is how it is. 

it got so bad that my coach gave me her phone number so I can text or call her when I need help cause it was that bad once. 

Ah, crap. To be completely honest, I'm not sure how to answer this. You shouldn't feel like you have to thank them for anything if this is how they're treating you right now. I hope that you're somewhat okay?

It's good that you have a contact, though. Don't be afraid to use that if things get too overwhelming.

[Hazard]

9 hours ago, -Aussie- said:

I used music alot to help me but my parents too away all of my music apps. so i cant use music anymore and i used notebooks but they has gone through my notebooks. 

the two coaches helped with my panic attacks and anxeity attacks. 

I just hate talking to people about my feels and my struggles cause it makes me feel weak that's why I don't show much emotion 

umm I don't trust the schools people cause they are part of the reason I'm in this problem so I really really don't like talking with them anymore.

Is there any way you can get some sort of secondary way to get music? Do you have an audio jack in your headphones that you could maybe buy an MP3 player to use with? Sometimes going retro is the best way forward. That's what I do when I get my music taken away, especially since I can keep it in a locker at school or something like that. Even if you can't download anything onto it, it'll play the radio and you can record off of there. Could that help?

Earlier you said something about notebooks. You could try writing things out and maybe just hand them to whoever it is you want to communicate with? Obviously, paper can get passed around, so you'd have careful about what you write, but notes can help you have just one little skip of panic when you pass it, rather than continuous streams of it while you're talking. 

I get that. I've had issues with school counselors too.

[-Aussie-]

23 minutes ago, Hazard said:

Is there any way you can get some sort of secondary way to get music? Do you have an audio jack in your headphones that you could maybe buy an MP3 player to use with? Sometimes going retro is the best way forward. That's what I do when I get my music taken away, especially since I can keep it in a locker at school or something like that. Even if you can't download anything onto it, it'll play the radio and you can record off of there. Could that help?

Earlier you said something about notebooks. You could try writing things out and maybe just hand them to whoever it is you want to communicate with? Obviously, paper can get passed around, so you'd have careful about what you write, but notes can help you have just one little skip of panic when you pass it, rather than continuous streams of it while you're talking. 

I get that. I've had issues with school counselors too.

My parents wont let my get anything like that I have tried and they kinda just broke it. I tried recording things but then it takes up too much storage and parents get mad at that too. 

yeah I used to write in a lot in notebooks but one day when I was at school I got home and all my note books were on the kitchen table some of them open and my parents were at the table reading all of them and lets just say that night was fun. 

I remember one day it was the day I relapsed my coach gave me her phone number and said if things got bad and something ever did happen and I was needed to be taken out of my home that she would take care of me and that made me feel a bit better. 

[-Aussie-]

10 hours ago, Hazard said:

Ah, crap. To be completely honest, I'm not sure how to answer this. You shouldn't feel like you have to thank them for anything if this is how they're treating you right now. I hope that you're somewhat okay?

It's good that you have a contact, though. Don't be afraid to use that if things get too overwhelming.

im doing okay today i mean besides not getting sleep and not eating, but I called my coach last night and we were able to talk for like and hour and a half cause thing last night were pretty bad for me. 

[-Aussie-]

This is like an update on how things went today. I ate a lil bit of food so that was good, i didn't eat much but it was still something. 

Last night I got to call with my coach and we talked about a lot of things like something that is/was really  bothering me and we talked about my mom some and that did help. 

other than that it was like a normal day for me, my anxeity did get high at some point but that is normal for my anxiety to always be high. 

[Hazard]

On 8/8/2024 at 6:51 PM, -Aussie- said:

My parents wont let my get anything like that I have tried and they kinda just broke it. I tried recording things but then it takes up too much storage and parents get mad at that too. 

yeah I used to write in a lot in notebooks but one day when I was at school I got home and all my note books were on the kitchen table some of them open and my parents were at the table reading all of them and lets just say that night was fun. 

I remember one day it was the day I relapsed my coach gave me her phone number and said if things got bad and something ever did happen and I was needed to be taken out of my home that she would take care of me and that made me feel a bit better. 

Even if you hide it somewhere? Mp3s are pretty small. But if that doesn't work, then you're just going to have to do your best to fill your head with enough music. Even if it's just coming up with a list of songs that you know well and humming them to yourself when you're alone.

I didn't mean that you should necessarily pick up the notebook writing again, I just thought that maybe if you write your thoughts and give those written thoughts to whoever you need to communicate to when you're having trouble talking? You could also consider doing the notebook thing in a google doc with a font the same color as the background. And use a different color for a fake writing thing.

And it's always good to have a place to go if something goes wrong. Even if that 'place' is just a phone call, it may make a huge difference

[-Aussie-]

2 minutes ago, Hazard said:

Even if you hide it somewhere? Mp3s are pretty small. But if that doesn't work, then you're just going to have to do your best to fill your head with enough music. Even if it's just coming up with a list of songs that you know well and humming them to yourself when you're alone.

I didn't mean that you should necessarily pick up the notebook writing again, I just thought that maybe if you write your thoughts and give those written thoughts to whoever you need to communicate to when you're having trouble talking? You could also consider doing the notebook thing in a google doc with a font the same color as the background. And use a different color for a fake writing thing.

And it's always good to have a place to go if something goes wrong. Even if that 'place' is just a phone call, it may make a huge difference

yeah, even if I hide it my mom said she will be doing room checks now, I guess I will have to try and do that. 

I tried the Google doc thing and that didn't work, I do know sign language and I will use it alot but sometimes it doesnt work 

yeah, I really really trust on of my coaches and I feel like if I didn't know her I would be In a much worse place than I am. 

[Hazard]

3 minutes ago, -Aussie- said:

yeah, even if I hide it my mom said she will be doing room checks now, I guess I will have to try and do that. 

I tried the Google doc thing and that didn't work, I do know sign language and I will use it alot but sometimes it doesnt work 

yeah, I really really trust on of my coaches and I feel like if I didn't know her I would be In a much worse place than I am. 

Oop, yeah. 

Oh sht. Okay. Uhhhh I don't know, I'm sorry. When all else fails, resort to writing it in dirt and then erasing it, or a whiteboard or something. That you can erase fast. 

I have a thing like that with one of my teachers. It does help a lot

[-Aussie-]

1 minute ago, Hazard said:

Oop, yeah. 

Oh sht. Okay. Uhhhh I don't know, I'm sorry. When all else fails, resort to writing it in dirt and then erasing it, or a whiteboard or something. That you can erase fast. 

I have a thing like that with one of my teachers. It does help a lot

yeah good idea lol, also no need to be sorry you are trying and that helps 

it does help a lot, I haven't seen that coach in about a week and a half now but next week I get to see her 3 times so I'm happy about that

[Mestizo]

On 8/9/2024 at 7:24 PM, Hazard said:

Oop, yeah. 

Oh sht. Okay. Uhhhh I don't know, I'm sorry. When all else fails, resort to writing it in dirt and then erasing it, or a whiteboard or something. That you can erase fast. 

I have a thing like that with one of my teachers. It does help a lot

Thanks @Hazard for sharing your many thoughts and ideas! I’m glad you and @-Aussie- have connect. 

@-Aussie- I’m really glad you get to see your coach this week! They sound great and I’m glad they are there to support you.