It’s hard to feeling anything nowadays

[Why.]

I don't know what to do anymore, and idk where to vent this to so I’ve chosen this website. It’s hard to feel happy or sad, I felt this during school term but now that I don’t have to see anyone or any of my friends, I feel that I just feel so flat because I have to put on a character and its been so daunting and it lies over me everyday and at the end of the day I’m exhausted and can’t even talk to my own parents. My day consists of waking up, mornings where I barely talk to my parents, going to school and getting bullied, kicked, punched and told things like how i act ‘gay’ even though I’m straight or how i look funny and then going to swim training after school for 2 hours and then going home doing homework and I’m so drained from acting like someone who’s happy and someone else that I can’t even talk to my parents . I can’t avoid these boys, my school is full of them and my teachers have seen it happen and barely anything happens. I was sitting down once, a guy in my house at school goes up to me says sht about me and i ignore him. He then punches me full force in the head 8-10 times and in the end gives me a black eye and concusses me. I got around 12 days off school until school finished. You’d think he would get the same. No, he gets a 2 day suspension and that was it. Not only was i concussed, i missed British nationals, where i was ranked 2nd for most of events i qualified for(if you dont know its a swimming gala with the top 25 swimmers in age group for each event in the UK) so its important to me. My dad is sorta successful so he has lots of drive. My mums gotten into numerous arguments with him and left for a while because it got so bad. Because my dad is so driven he puts that into my swimming, now I couldn’t even say the things that happens but its so draining on me.  I can’t explain all the things that have made me feel so empty and this is quite literally the tip of the iceberg. As a result with all the shit i had(and still have) in my life right now, I went to self harm and its been downhill ever since. I’m sorry if this doesn’t sound much but i promise this is like only 20% of everything happening in my life but i don’t know what to do. I feel so empty and i wake up and think fuck another day I’ve got to decide what to have for lunch or dinnner or what i have to do today. I feel so lost and i dont want to die but i also dont want to live and its the imbalance between both things where i would never attempt but fuck me this is shit. Sorry again for the waffle haha I just dont even know what to say.

[Lennie]

10 hours ago, Why. said:

I don't know what to do anymore, and idk where to vent this to so I’ve chosen this website. It’s hard to feel happy or sad, I felt this during school term but now that I don’t have to see anyone or any of my friends, I feel that I just feel so flat because I have to put on a character and its been so daunting and it lies over me everyday and at the end of the day I’m exhausted and can’t even talk to my own parents. My day consists of waking up, mornings where I barely talk to my parents, going to school and getting bullied, kicked, punched and told things like how i act ‘gay’ even though I’m straight or how i look funny and then going to swim training after school for 2 hours and then going home doing homework and I’m so drained from acting like someone who’s happy and someone else that I can’t even talk to my parents . I can’t avoid these boys, my school is full of them and my teachers have seen it happen and barely anything happens. I was sitting down once, a guy in my house at school goes up to me says sht about me and i ignore him. He then punches me full force in the head 8-10 times and in the end gives me a black eye and concusses me. I got around 12 days off school until school finished. You’d think he would get the same. No, he gets a 2 day suspension and that was it. Not only was i concussed, i missed British nationals, where i was ranked 2nd for most of events i qualified for(if you dont know its a swimming gala with the top 25 swimmers in age group for each event in the UK) so its important to me. My dad is sorta successful so he has lots of drive. My mums gotten into numerous arguments with him and left for a while because it got so bad. Because my dad is so driven he puts that into my swimming, now I couldn’t even say the things that happens but its so draining on me.  I can’t explain all the things that have made me feel so empty and this is quite literally the tip of the iceberg. As a result with all the shit i had(and still have) in my life right now, I went to self harm and its been downhill ever since. I’m sorry if this doesn’t sound much but i promise this is like only 20% of everything happening in my life but i don’t know what to do. I feel so empty and i wake up and think fuck another day I’ve got to decide what to have for lunch or dinnner or what i have to do today. I feel so lost and i dont want to die but i also dont want to live and its the imbalance between both things where i would never attempt but fuck me this is shit. Sorry again for the waffle haha I just dont even know what to say.

Hi @Why - I'm Lennie, one of the Support Mentors here. I can see you joined us recently, so let me be the first to say, welcome to Ditch The Label! It's great to have you with us.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling low and disconnected from those around you. This empty feeling can be emotionally draining, and made all the worse if you feel like you have nobody to speak to. It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot, including some bullying which has understandably affected not just your well-being but also your school life and competitive swimming tournaments. It's very disappointing to hear that your teachers have witnessed some of this and done little to follow up on it and try to offer you more support and protection. You certainly don't deserve to be treated this way; you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

How are the school counsellors there, have you ever tried speaking with them? If so, have you found them to be any more helpful than the teaching staff? You have mentioned that you don't really speak to your parents about any of this. Is this because you don't want to worry them, or you feel they just won't be able to help, or some other reason altogether? No need to answer this if you'd prefer not to. Also, if you would like to speak in private, I would strongly encourage you to get in touch via Confidential Support (link below).

You mentioned that you don't see much of your friends as it's the school holidays - do you have anyone that you trust and that you speak with about this kind of thing? If so, would if be possible to get in touch and arrange to meet up, or are they not within travelling distance from you?

Again, if you would like, you can also click on the the Confidential Support page to carry on the conversation privately over there (https://forums.ditchthelabel.org/support). If you feel this would help please do so and we can discuss some of the issues you've raised in more depth there. I'm sorry you are feeling low but please know we are here for you.

Also, I'm going to leave some additional helpline contacts, just in case you feel that you need them:

 

- SELFHARMUK - UK. Dedicated to supporting young people impacted by self-harm. www.selfharm.co.uk 

- THE SAMARITANS - UK 24/7 - 365 days each year. Tel: 116 123

CALM - UK. Working to prevent male suicide and supporting those bereaved by suicide. 5pm - midnight, 365 days per year. 

Nationwide: 0800 58 58 58 London: 0808 802 58 58 

www.thecalmzone.net

 

 

 

[Megs-]

7 hours ago, Lennie said:

Hi @Why - I'm Lennie, one of the Support Mentors here. I can see you joined us recently, so let me be the first to say, welcome to Ditch The Label! It's great to have you with us.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling low and disconnected from those around you. This empty feeling can be emotionally draining, and made all the worse if you feel like you have nobody to speak to. It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot, including some bullying which has understandably affected not just your well-being but also your school life and competitive swimming tournaments. It's very disappointing to hear that your teachers have witnessed some of this and done little to follow up on it and try to offer you more support and protection. You certainly don't deserve to be treated this way; you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

How are the school counsellors there, have you ever tried speaking with them? If so, have you found them to be any more helpful than the teaching staff? You have mentioned that you don't really speak to your parents about any of this. Is this because you don't want to worry them, or you feel they just won't be able to help, or some other reason altogether? No need to answer this if you'd prefer not to. Also, if you would like to speak in private, I would strongly encourage you to get in touch via Confidential Support (link below).

You mentioned that you don't see much of your friends as it's the school holidays - do you have anyone that you trust and that you speak with about this kind of thing? If so, would if be possible to get in touch and arrange to meet up, or are they not within travelling distance from you?

Again, if you would like, you can also click on the the Confidential Support page to carry on the conversation privately over there (https://forums.ditchthelabel.org/support). If you feel this would help please do so and we can discuss some of the issues you've raised in more depth there. I'm sorry you are feeling low but please know we are here for you.

Also, I'm going to leave some additional helpline contacts, just in case you feel that you need them:

- SELFHARMUK - UK. Dedicated to supporting young people impacted by self-harm. www.selfharm.co.uk 

- THE SAMARITANS - UK 24/7 - 365 days each year. Tel: 116 123

CALM - UK. Working to prevent male suicide and supporting those bereaved by suicide. 5pm - midnight, 365 days per year. 

Nationwide: 0800 58 58 58 London: 0808 802 58 58 

www.thecalmzone.net

the self harm link doesn’t seem to be working for me, could be just me but i can’t seem to click it. 

edit none of those two links work either.

Edited July 24 by Megs-

[Mestizo]

20 hours ago, Megs- said:

the self harm link doesn’t seem to be working for me, could be just me but i can’t seem to click it. 

edit none of those two links work either.

I just tried both links (I had to copy and past unto the URL) and they both worked for me: 

https://www.selfharm.co.uk

https://www.thecalmzone.net

I’ve reposted here so that you should be able to just click on them to go to the site. If not, try coping and pasting them to the URL. 

[Megs-]

33 minutes ago, Mestizo said:

I just tried both links (I had to copy and past unto the URL) and they both worked for me: 

https://www.selfharm.co.uk

https://www.thecalmzone.net

I’ve reposted here so that you should be able to just click on them to go to the site. If not, try coping and pasting them to the URL. 

ah, sorry my bad! thank you  

[Mestizo]

23 hours ago, Megs- said:

ah, sorry my bad! thank you  

No worries . Thanks for checking and letting us know! You’re awesome!

[Megs-]

22 minutes ago, Mestizo said:

No worries . Thanks for checking and letting us know! You’re awesome!

Noooo! you’re the awesome one

[Hazard]

On 7/23/2024 at 4:56 PM, Why. said:

I don't know what to do anymore, and idk where to vent this to so I’ve chosen this website. It’s hard to feel happy or sad, I felt this during school term but now that I don’t have to see anyone or any of my friends, I feel that I just feel so flat because I have to put on a character and its been so daunting and it lies over me everyday and at the end of the day I’m exhausted and can’t even talk to my own parents. My day consists of waking up, mornings where I barely talk to my parents, going to school and getting bullied, kicked, punched and told things like how i act ‘gay’ even though I’m straight or how i look funny and then going to swim training after school for 2 hours and then going home doing homework and I’m so drained from acting like someone who’s happy and someone else that I can’t even talk to my parents . I can’t avoid these boys, my school is full of them and my teachers have seen it happen and barely anything happens. I was sitting down once, a guy in my house at school goes up to me says sht about me and i ignore him. He then punches me full force in the head 8-10 times and in the end gives me a black eye and concusses me. I got around 12 days off school until school finished. You’d think he would get the same. No, he gets a 2 day suspension and that was it. Not only was i concussed, i missed British nationals, where i was ranked 2nd for most of events i qualified for(if you dont know its a swimming gala with the top 25 swimmers in age group for each event in the UK) so its important to me. My dad is sorta successful so he has lots of drive. My mums gotten into numerous arguments with him and left for a while because it got so bad. Because my dad is so driven he puts that into my swimming, now I couldn’t even say the things that happens but its so draining on me.  I can’t explain all the things that have made me feel so empty and this is quite literally the tip of the iceberg. As a result with all the shit i had(and still have) in my life right now, I went to self harm and its been downhill ever since. I’m sorry if this doesn’t sound much but i promise this is like only 20% of everything happening in my life but i don’t know what to do. I feel so empty and i wake up and think fuck another day I’ve got to decide what to have for lunch or dinnner or what i have to do today. I feel so lost and i dont want to die but i also dont want to live and its the imbalance between both things where i would never attempt but fuck me this is shit. Sorry again for the waffle haha I just dont even know what to say.

Hello, @Why.,

I'm really sorry that all of this is happening right now, but I'm glad that you at least have somewhere to vent.

Is there a way you can see your friends? Ask someone to hang out with you? It might help, even if it isn't for long. 

When you say you 'put on a character', do you mean that you have to act like a completely different person, or that you just have to act happier than you really are? And if it's the first, is there any way you can minimize what makes your character? I understand that it's not at all easy to drop it, if you've had to have it in the first place, but are there any things you could change to make it easier to maintain and less exhausting? 

If your teachers aren't doing anything, is there someone else you could go to? How is your principal about these things? Or is there a board or other organization that impacts your school that you could email to encourage to help anti-bullying measures?

I'm also really sorry about your parents. That's an awful situation, and it really sucks that you not only have to put up with that, but everything else too. If you don't want all that drive put into your swimming, could you find somewhere else to try and get him to defuse it too? I understand that you probably really like swimming, but if there's something you personally really want to learn to do, like driving, or a hobby, or anything else like that, you could ask your dad to help you learn, or study, or something like that?

I get what you're saying about not wanting to die or live. Is there anything that has typically made you feel better in a slightly bad mood? It's probably hard to find, since you're in the middle of this awful feeling right now, but if there's any hint of something that has historically helped, you should give it a try, even if it seems like such a small thing compared to the gigantic thing you're going through.

Another thing you could try is, if you don't necessarily want to die, you probably have at least one thing that you feel is left undone. So write those down - What are they? What is going to make you want to keep living? Come up with at least two things, and think about how they're going to accomplish them. Do you want to make a certain swim competition? Do you want to date someone? Do you want to go to a certain concert? A certain place? Really think about this one. Try to turn on a seven timer if you really don't want to do it, and once that timer goes off you can stop or keep going. Write everything down, even if you think it's stupid

 

I'm sorry for everything, but I hope this helps. And I know how easy it is to ask for advice and then discount it when you have it, but try to hold yourself to them. Even if you don't want to reply to me, (and you probably won't get a return reply for a while, tbh), take that last thing. Turn your phone/computer/tablet/ipad off right NOW and write those down.