Somi Posted May 14 Share Posted May 14 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Heavy emotion Click this notice to reveal the content. Why do sometimes I find myself questioning the bane of my own existence? Constantly I see myself hurting myself, over and over, trying to get away from this life, because I find impurities in myself, and I realize i'm a horrible person. People tell me if I'm gone, or hurt, they'll go insane. Sure, I believe that, but it's not much better being alive. Often, my parent and I get into fights that end with me realizing all the flaws in me that drive me nuts, and the next day I'll have to show up at HS wearing reflective shades so no one will see my red and puffy eyes from crying. I hate it when someone starts pitying me, if you know what I mean. I see how everyone is better, doing fine, being more or less okay, and they don't see what's happening and I don't want them to. I hate myself but there's reasons for me to live, but often, in my darkest days I just can't look at myself or stand living. I force myself to be temporarily happy which helps for a while, but then I'm doing something wrong again, and again and again. I don't live up to her standards, I'm a loudmouth, I'm a spoiled brat, I'm stupid, I'm an imbecile. I can't let myself relax. What do I do, someone tell me. Or, what would you do if you were in my situation? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted May 14 Digital Mentor Share Posted May 14 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Heavy emotion Click this notice to reveal the content. 5 hours ago, Somi said: Why do sometimes I find myself questioning the bane of my own existence? Constantly I see myself hurting myself, over and over, trying to get away from this life, because I find impurities in myself, and I realize i'm a horrible person. People tell me if I'm gone, or hurt, they'll go insane. Sure, I believe that, but it's not much better being alive. Often, my parent and I get into fights that end with me realizing all the flaws in me that drive me nuts, and the next day I'll have to show up at HS wearing reflective shades so no one will see my red and puffy eyes from crying. I hate it when someone starts pitying me, if you know what I mean. I see how everyone is better, doing fine, being more or less okay, and they don't see what's happening and I don't want them to. I hate myself but there's reasons for me to live, but often, in my darkest days I just can't look at myself or stand living. I force myself to be temporarily happy which helps for a while, but then I'm doing something wrong again, and again and again. I don't live up to her standards, I'm a loudmouth, I'm a spoiled brat, I'm stupid, I'm an imbecile. I can't let myself relax. What do I do, someone tell me. Or, what would you do if you were in my situation? Hi @Somi I can see that you are new here so I wanted to start off by welcoming you to Ditch the Label! I'm really glad that you found us. I'm Aurora and I am one of the support mentors here. Thank you so much for reaching out and being so open about how you are feeling right now. I have had to edit your post slightly and have also added a trigger warning just because some of the things you mentioned can be a bit triggering for some of our other users. I hope that's OK with you. I will reply to your message on Confidential Support as well and if you like we can talk about it some more there. I notice that you said that you are constantly thinking about hurting yourself and I wanted to check in with you and see if you are feeling safe right now? Your safety really is the most important thing here and it's OK to tell us if you are not feeling safe. I am going to share some safety information with you in case you ever need it . If you ever feel like you are in crisis then please reach out to one of the following: UK - The Samaritans: 116 123 (24/7 service) USA - The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - 988 (This is a free service that operates 24/7. You can call or text) https://988lifeline.org/ A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org - you can find the one for your country and call them if you are in crisis An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful If you’re in the UK, you can text SHOUT to 85258 when you are struggling, and a trained crisis volunteer will text you back. This is great if you find talking on the phone challenging, and it’s completely free 24/7 Remember, you can always call the emergency services or go to your local emergency department at the hospital for support Please know that you are not alone with your feelings and we are here to support you through this. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.