do they deserve forgiveness

[Lennie]

8 minutes ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

One person within the group is easier to talk to but I never get a chance to talk to him individually.

Ah okay, so there is indeed one person within the group who is more approachable than the rest, that's helpful. However, if there won't be an opportunity to speak with them that arises naturally, could you intentionally find them after class and speak to them that way? Would that be an option?

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

2 hours ago, Lennie said:

Ah okay, so there is indeed one person within the group who is more approachable than the rest, that's helpful. However, if there won't be an opportunity to speak with them that arises naturally, could you intentionally find them after class and speak to them that way? Would that be an option?

This person is always talking to someone and that's whats making this so difficult to deal with

[Lennie]

On 9/18/2024 at 7:54 PM, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

This person is always talking to someone and that's whats making this so difficult to deal with

Ah, I see. Would it be possible to go up to them and ask if you could speak with them alone for a couple of minutes? Is this something you think you'd be comfortable to do?

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

5 hours ago, Lennie said:

Ah, I see. Would it be possible to go up to them and ask if you could speak with them alone for a couple of minutes? Is this something you think you'd be comfortable to do?

I would be comfterble with that, however, I dont want to interupt them.

[Lennie]

2 minutes ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I would be comfterble with that, however, I dont want to interupt them.

Well that's very considerate of you. Although if this situation is really bothering you, then I think it would be worth trying to speak with this person, especially if they are someone you feel comfortable with. You asking to speak with them for a few minutes isn't a big request and isn't rude if you politely ask to speak with them one to one for a few minutes.

Of course, it's all about what you ultimately feel comfortable doing. If this is a situation where you feel you really need some answers, then it's probably worth the effort. However, if it's something that's not bothering you so much now, then you could leave it for now. But from what you've said so far, I suspect it is still bothering you.

So what do you think, is it worth trying to politely ask to speak with this person for a few minutes?

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

2 minutes ago, Lennie said:

Well that's very considerate of you. Although if this situation is really bothering you, then I think it would be worth trying to speak with this person, especially if they are someone you feel comfortable with. You asking to speak with them for a few minutes isn't a big request and isn't rude if you politely ask to speak with them one to one for a few minutes.

Of course, it's all about what you ultimately feel comfortable doing. If this is a situation where you feel you really need some answers, then it's probably worth the effort. However, if it's something that's not bothering you so much now, then you could leave it for now. But from what you've said so far, I suspect it is still bothering you.

So what do you think, is it worth trying to politely ask to speak with this person for a few minutes?

Im going to try to speak with this person after one of my classes. I think its worth speaking to them about but I'm lost on how to even address the situation without being rude.

[Lennie]

Just now, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

Im going to try to speak with this person after one of my classes. I think its worth speaking to them about but I'm lost on how to even address the situation without being rude.

It would help you to get some answers about why this group is behaving in an unfriendly way. So speaking with this person seems like a good idea if they are approachable. I wouldn't worry too much about coming across as rude because you actually seem very kind and polite. 

I think taking a straightforward approach of saying how you've been feeling when the groups has acted rudely and asking why they've done so is the best way to approach this, and will hopefully get you a straightforward explanation. What do you think though, does this sound doable to you? 

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

22 minutes ago, Lennie said:

It would help you to get some answers about why this group is behaving in an unfriendly way. So speaking with this person seems like a good idea if they are approachable. I wouldn't worry too much about coming across as rude because you actually seem very kind and polite. 

I think taking a straightforward approach of saying how you've been feeling when the groups has acted rudely and asking why they've done so is the best way to approach this, and will hopefully get you a straightforward explanation. What do you think though, does this sound doable to you? 

I plan on talking to this person so I will tell you what he says.

[Lennie]

12 minutes ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I plan on talking to this person so I will tell you what he says.

Okay, @elizabeth (Bluey) - best of luck, I hope it goes well. And yes, please feel free to let us know how it went and we can go from there 

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

5 hours ago, Lennie said:

Okay, @elizabeth (Bluey) - best of luck, I hope it goes well. And yes, please feel free to let us know how it went and we can go from there 

I talked to him and he said he would tell the other one to stop ignoring me.

[Luie]

10 hours ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I talked to him and he said he would tell the other one to stop ignoring me.

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey), I am Luie, one of the other support mentors with DTL. @Lennie is off over the weekend and will return on Monday. I wanted to check with you if you'd like to speak to me regarding this or wait for them to come back online? Either or is alright, as long as you're comfortable 

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

On 9/21/2024 at 3:25 AM, Luie said:

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey), I am Luie, one of the other support mentors with DTL. @Lennie is off over the weekend and will return on Monday. I wanted to check with you if you'd like to speak to me regarding this or wait for them to come back online? Either or is alright, as long as you're comfortable 

I haven't talked to them today but I will provide an update on how things go when I do talk to them.

[Lennie]

16 minutes ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I haven't talked to them today but I will provide an update on how things go when I do talk to them.

Okay, thanks @elizabeth (Bluey). I hope you had a good weekend 

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

Just now, Lennie said:

Okay, thanks @elizabeth (Bluey). I hope you had a good weekend 

I did

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

2 hours ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I did

I talked to both of them individually and they both said they were sorry but did the exact same thing again and now I'm just confused.

[Aurora]

16 hours ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I talked to both of them individually and they both said they were sorry but did the exact same thing again and now I'm just confused.

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey), @Lennie isn't online today so I thought I would jump in. I hope you don't mind. 

I'm sorry to hear they did the exact same thing again. That must be frustrating. I'm wondering, do you think they are aware that they are doing this? You mentioned that you spoke to them but maybe they didn't quite understand what you meant. Sometimes people's perception of things can be very different. Did you get the impression that they understood why you were upset and did they explain why they had been ignoring you? 

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

3 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey), @Lennie isn't online today so I thought I would jump in. I hope you don't mind. 

I'm sorry to hear they did the exact same thing again. That must be frustrating. I'm wondering, do you think they are aware that they are doing this? You mentioned that you spoke to them but maybe they didn't quite understand what you meant. Sometimes people's perception of things can be very different. Did you get the impression that they understood why you were upset and did they explain why they had been ignoring you? 

I think they are very much aware that they are doing this because they think its funny but I'm not laughing. I got the impression that they thought it was funny but they haven't explained anything to me and the more I try to be kind the more they are just straight up rude.

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

23 hours ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I think they are very much aware that they are doing this because they think its funny but I'm not laughing. I got the impression that they thought it was funny but they haven't explained anything to me and the more I try to be kind the more they are just straight up rude.

I talked to them more in depth and they agreed to stop but Im keeping my eye out.

[Mestizo]

6 minutes ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I talked to them more in depth and they agreed to stop but Im keeping my eye out.

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey). I hope it’s okay for me to connect with you while the other Support Mentors are offline. 

I’m glad you had a chance to speak to them again. It’s good to be vigilant and aware, but I wonder if it might also be helpful to look out for when your fiends do engage with you in the way you like and appreciate. By doing so and calling attention to when they are doing things in a useful way I have found that this positive reinforcement helps to keep others to continue to do the behavior one actually like. It also helps them to know what behavior is actually the actions we are wanting to see from them. What do you think about this idea? 

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

43 minutes ago, Mestizo said:

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey). I hope it’s okay for me to connect with you while the other Support Mentors are offline. 

I’m glad you had a chance to speak to them again. It’s good to be vigilant and aware, but I wonder if it might also be helpful to look out for when your fiends do engage with you in the way you like and appreciate. By doing so and calling attention to when they are doing things in a useful way I have found that this positive reinforcement helps to keep others to continue to do the behavior one actually like. It also helps them to know what behavior is actually the actions we are wanting to see from them. What do you think about this idea? 

I think that's a good idea but I really just want them to be kind and I also don't want to treat them like a little kid when really they are good people who sometimes choose to do unkind things.

[Mestizo]

23 hours ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I think that's a good idea but I really just want them to be kind and I also don't want to treat them like a little kid when really they are good people who sometimes choose to do unkind things.

That’s fair. Although i would add that positive reinforcement is a life long skill that is useful with individuals of all ages and all different types of settings. But i hear what you are saying and I’m glad you feel your friends are generally good people that at times do unkind things, as that is true of most people from my experience. I hope things continue to go well :-). 

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

On 9/26/2024 at 10:06 AM, Mestizo said:

That’s fair. Although i would add that positive reinforcement is a life long skill that is useful with individuals of all ages and all different types of settings. But i hear what you are saying and I’m glad you feel your friends are generally good people that at times do unkind things, as that is true of most people from my experience. I hope things continue to go well :-). 

I feel like that could help but I'm just gonna be me and be real with them

[Lennie]

16 hours ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I feel like that could help but I'm just gonna be me and be real with them

Hey @elizabeth (Bluey). Agreed, being yourself is always an important part of making genuine connections with friends. I guess the thing for you is to try to get your friends to understand that some of their behaviour crosses a line and upsets you. So going back to @Mestizo point, it's probably going to be helpful to communicate at certain times when things are going well and also when they are going too far. This way they will start to understand your boundaries a little better. Would you agree?

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

7 hours ago, Lennie said:

Hey @elizabeth (Bluey). Agreed, being yourself is always an important part of making genuine connections with friends. I guess the thing for you is to try to get your friends to understand that some of their behaviour crosses a line and upsets you. So going back to @Mestizo point, it's probably going to be helpful to communicate at certain times when things are going well and also when they are going too far. This way they will start to understand your boundaries a little better. Would you agree?

I have told this one boy that is easier to talk to about this and they say they're sorry, but do it again.

[Lennie]

1 hour ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I have told this one boy that is easier to talk to about this and they say they're sorry, but do it again.

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey) -- yes, it must be difficult to get an apology and then this person act in a similarly hurtful way again afterwards. You mention that often this teasing they do happens when they are in a group, I suspect that in this case, they may be doing this as a way to show off to others in the group. Do you get this impression, or do you think it's something else?