Friend self harming (Please help)

[ProffesorSparkles]

I wasn’t expecting to post that much when I joined DTL but here we are :/

So today I found out my friend has been self harming recently. I’m not sure how often or how long it has been. When they told me they seemed very non chalant, and it seems like they were playing it down. I was very worried and asked if they were ok and they said it wasn’t that bad and I was making a big deal. They said they had been using sharpened screw drivers to scrape themselves on their wrist, and even showed me the scratches.

im really worried for them and I’m not sure what to do pls help :(

Edited April 8 by ProffesorSparkles

[Luie]

3 hours ago, ProffesorSparkles said:

I wasn’t expecting to post that much when I joined DTL but here we are :/

So today I found out my friend has been self harming recently. I’m not sure how often or how long it has been. When they told me they seemed very non chalant, and it seems like they were playing it down. I was very worried and asked if they were ok and they said it wasn’t that bad and I was making a big deal. They said they had been using sharpened screw drivers to scrape themselves on their wrist, and even showed me the scratches.

im really worried for them and I’m not sure what to do pls help :(

Heyy @ProffesorSparkles, I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this with your friend. It's understandable that you're feeling worried and unsure of what to do next. It's not easy to see someone you care about going through something like self-harm. Know that it's common for people who self-harm to downplay the severity of their actions, so your friend's reaction isn't uncommon. However, it's important to take their feelings seriously and let them know that you're there to support them, no matter what.

I was wondering have you had a chance to talk to your friend about what might be causing them to feel this way? Sometimes, opening up about their struggles can be a first step towards finding help and healing. If you're comfortable, you could gently encourage them to seek support from a trusted adult or a mental health professional perhaps one at school (is there one present?). It's important for them to know that they're not alone in this, and that there are people who want to help.

Also, do you feel like you have the support you need to navigate this situation? It can be tough to be there for someone else while also taking care of yourself. Here for you.

 

[jazzy.sky]

Hey ProffesorSparkles! I am so sorry to hear that your friend is self harming. They are lucky to have a wonderful friend like you as you are compassionate and understanding. 

You are already doing the right things by being there for them, keep supporting them as this will let your friend know that they aren't alone and that if they need to open up about whatever is troubling them, you are there!

This situation is difficult to navigate, you could try ask your friend if they would be interested in joining mental health forums such as Kooth which have complete anonymous counselling support? Or as Luie mentioned, asking if there's any trusted adults your friend can speak to?

You could mention finding alternative coping mechanisms for when they feel like self harming such as singing, drawing, figet toys ect which have helped my friends with their SH and so , could also work for them?

All of us at DTL are here to help you out too because I remember the first time I found out my close friend was SH it really broke me, so if you need to talk about it, myself and many others are here to listen  

I really hope your friend gets the support they need and just remember that they have you, a wonderful and caring friend to support them

Sending you and your friend a big warm hug  

[AshtonBeach]

8 hours ago, ProffesorSparkles said:

I wasn’t expecting to post that much when I joined DTL but here we are :/

So today I found out my friend has been self harming recently. I’m not sure how often or how long it has been. When they told me they seemed very non chalant, and it seems like they were playing it down. I was very worried and asked if they were ok and they said it wasn’t that bad and I was making a big deal. They said they had been using sharpened screw drivers to scrape themselves on their wrist, and even showed me the scratches.

im really worried for them and I’m not sure what to do pls help :(

Hey Tom Im so sorry to hear this is happening to you if you dont want me relpying lmk <3

I would let your friend know you are worried! this is importat and I want you to feel safe and I want them to feel safe we all do ima tag @Digital Mentor for you ok?

[Megs-]

Hey there Tom, Meg’s here. Some great advice above. I just wanted to say a few things if that’s okay?

Firstly, I can hear how scared you are hearing that your friend is using Sh as a way of coping. I firstly wanted to ask, how are you feeling in yourself? I know it can be scary when people we care about are acting in those difficult ways, and looking after ourselves is also a priority. As, hearing those things can make us feel sad and difficult emotions can be brought up. 
 

secondly, thank you so much for explaining what is going on for you in this difficult period of your life. When people sh they are doing it for a wide variety of reasons, for example, they could be going through trauma, relationship issues, anything really. Like @Luie said, have you been able to talk to your friend? Of course, they may not know what to say, but them reaching out to you I think is a sense they can trust you and that they feel safe with you knowing. 
 

I was wondering, have your friend ever reached out to a mental health professional? Of course, I can find different organisations that could help your friend. But, the hardest part is reaching out. Your friend has made that huge step by telling you, and they should feel proud of themselves for doing such a difficult thing. On DTL forum, in the mental health section, there is a list of organisations that young people can reach out in times of distress, how would you feel passing on to your friend? 
 

when I first joined DTL, I made a post with coping mechanisms for those in distress or needing a release, I will put some of the coping mechanisms in this post for you. I know how hard it can be seeing/hearing that your friend is in such distress/pain that they feel that they need to do that, but you have been so kind and strong to reach out to us at DTL to get information and support for your friend. You’re an inspiration, Tom. Not many people would do that for their friends. 
 

Here are some coping mechanisms I put together, of course they might not work for everyone but, of course, I would like to help as best as I can for your friend if they’re in distress they can maybe use. 

I will also tag the post below so you can access the full coping mechanisms/stragety skills.

Take a time-out. Practice yoga, listen to music, meditate, etc. Stepping back from the problem helps clear your mind.

Eat well-balanced meals. Do not skip any meals. You need to eat.

Get enough sleep. When stressed, your body needs additional sleep and rest.

Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly.

Do your best. Instead of trying to be perfect, which isn't possible, be proud of yourself either way. You are amazing.

Learn what triggers your anxiety/depression. Is it family, school, or something else that you know? Write it in a journal when you're feeling stressed, anxious, or depressed. Sometimes it is good to let it out.

Talk to someone. Tell friends and family if you're feeling overwhelmed, or let them know whats going on, and let them know how they can help you.

Talk to a therapist or an adult you trust for professional help.

 

i admire your courage to get support for your friend, Tom. You’re so kind, your friend is very lucky to have a friend like you. Everyone needs a friend like Tom! Sending you so much strength and positivity to you, Tom. Never forget how much you are appreciated, hugs .

megs

Here’s the link to my post: 

 

Edited April 9 by Megs-

[ProffesorSparkles]

20 hours ago, Luie said:

I was wondering have you had a chance to talk to your friend about what might be causing them to feel this way?

I tried to talk to them about what was making them want to do it but they never really answer that question, just saying “lots” and they would keep saying that whenever I try ask

 

20 hours ago, Luie said:

you could gently encourage them to seek support from a trusted adult or a mental health professional perhaps one at school (is there one present?).

So a few of their friends know as well as me, and their cousin and their  bf. We are all encouraging them to tell an adult, like their parent or someone at school.

[ProffesorSparkles]

1 hour ago, Megs- said:

Hey there Tom, Meg’s here. Some great advice above. I just wanted to say a few things if that’s okay?

Firstly, I can hear how scared you are hearing that your friend is using Sh as a way of coping. I firstly wanted to ask, how are you feeling in yourself? I know it can be scary when people we care about are acting in those difficult ways, and looking after ourselves is also a priority. As, hearing those things can make us feel sad and difficult emotions can be brought up. 
 

secondly, thank you so much for explaining what is going on for you in this difficult period of your life. When people sh they are doing it for a wide variety of reasons, for example, they could be going through trauma, relationship issues, anything really. Like @Luie said, have you been able to talk to your friend? Of course, they may not know what to say, but them reaching out to you I think is a sense they can trust you and that they feel safe with you knowing. 
 

I was wondering, have your friend ever reached out to a mental health professional? Of course, I can find different organisations that could help your friend. But, the hardest part is reaching out. Your friend has made that huge step by telling you, and they should feel proud of themselves for doing such a difficult thing. On DTL forum, in the mental health section, there is a list of organisations that young people can reach out in times of distress, how would you feel passing on to your friend? 
 

when I first joined DTL, I made a post with coping mechanisms for those in distress or needing a release, I will put some of the coping mechanisms in this post for you. I know how hard it can be seeing/hearing that your friend is in such distress/pain that they feel that they need to do that, but you have been so kind and strong to reach out to us at DTL to get information and support for your friend. You’re an inspiration, Tom. Not many people would do that for their friends. 
 

Here are some coping mechanisms I put together, of course they might not work for everyone but, of course, I would like to help as best as I can for your friend if they’re in distress they can maybe use. 

I will also tag the post below so you can access the full coping mechanisms/stragety skills.

Take a time-out. Practice yoga, listen to music, meditate, etc. Stepping back from the problem helps clear your mind.

Eat well-balanced meals. Do not skip any meals. You need to eat.

Get enough sleep. When stressed, your body needs additional sleep and rest.

Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly.

Do your best. Instead of trying to be perfect, which isn't possible, be proud of yourself either way. You are amazing.

Learn what triggers your anxiety/depression. Is it family, school, or something else that you know? Write it in a journal when you're feeling stressed, anxious, or depressed. Sometimes it is good to let it out.

Talk to someone. Tell friends and family if you're feeling overwhelmed, or let them know whats going on, and let them know how they can help you.

Talk to a therapist or an adult you trust for professional help.

i admire your courage to get support for your friend, Tom. You’re so kind, your friend is very lucky to have a friend like you. Everyone needs a friend like Tom! Sending you so much strength and positivity to you, Tom. Never forget how much you are appreciated, hugs .

megs

Here’s the link to my post: 

Thank you so much for the coping mechanisms and your kind words Megs! It means a lot that you, @AshtonBeach, and @jazzy.skyare being so supportive and kind

 

1 hour ago, Megs- said:

Firstly, I can hear how scared you are hearing that your friend is using Sh as a way of coping. I firstly wanted to ask, how are you feeling in yourself? I know it can be scary when people we care about are acting in those difficult ways, and looking after ourselves is also a priority. As, hearing those things can make us feel sad and difficult emotions can be brought up

I’m feeling ok. I’m quite worried  for them and quite anxious, but I’m actually pretty confident because there are a few resources I know of due to my time in therapy. Once again thank you so much for your reply and kindness

[ProffesorSparkles]

UPDATE:  I spoke with my friends bf about the situation (I have known him for the same amount of time as my friend so we are also good friends) and he agrees with what you all said and we are going to continue trying to support my friend and encourage them to tell an adult. Meanwhile, we are also going to look into the resources about self harm from a nearby youth mental health service. Thanks everyone for the help and I will continue to post updates on the situation if that’s alright

[Megs-]

Just now, ProffesorSparkles said:

UPDATE:  I spoke with my friends bf about the situation (I have known him for the same amount of time as my friend so we are also good friends) and he agrees with what you all said and we are going to continue trying to support my friend and encourage them to tell an adult. Meanwhile, we are also going to look into the resources about self harm from a nearby youth mental health service. Thanks everyone for the help and I will continue to post updates on the situation if that’s alright

Thank you for the update, Tom. Yes, you can update whenever you need to. Post whenever you need to also. This community is here for you! I’m so glad that your friend will be getting support now.

[ProffesorSparkles]

I replied to your coping mechanisms but it needs to be approved, sorry :/

[Megs-]

2 hours ago, ProffesorSparkles said:

Thank you so much for the coping mechanisms and your kind words Megs! It means a lot that you, @AshtonBeach, and @jazzy.skyare being so supportive and kind

I’m feeling ok. I’m quite worried  for them and quite anxious, but I’m actually pretty confident because there are a few resources I know of due to my time in therapy. Once again thank you so much for your reply and kindness

Always here for you, Tom. You’re never alone!

[AshtonBeach]

Yeah what megs said Tom your awsome and im allways online f you need me <3333333

[ProffesorSparkles]

Quick lil update: my friend told their mum abt the situation and they are gonna get help for it. I’m gonna keep checking in w them until they do tho but yeah I’m pretty sure they’re gonna be going to a youth mental health place in their town. I’m super relieved and rlly proud of them for telling their parent so imma go make em cookies lmao

[Megs-]

Just now, ProffesorSparkles said:

Quick lil update: my friend told their mum abt the situation and they are gonna get help for it. I’m gonna keep checking in w them until they do tho but yeah I’m pretty sure they’re gonna be going to a youth mental health place in their town. I’m super relieved and rlly proud of them for telling their parent so imma go make em cookies lmao

Oh my goodness, I am so happy for them. I am so proud of you for staying by their side, Tom. You really are a kind soul. Much love to you

[ProffesorSparkles]

Update : just decided to post this bc things are going very well and my friend managed to stop before it developed even more so thx so much to everyone who gave advice it was all very helpful thx a lot everyone

[Megs-]

28 minutes ago, ProffesorSparkles said:

Update : just decided to post this bc things are going very well and my friend managed to stop before it developed even more so thx so much to everyone who gave advice it was all very helpful thx a lot everyone

So happy to hear things are going well at the moment, how are you doing Tom? Hope you’re doing great  

[jazzy.sky]

30 minutes ago, ProffesorSparkles said:

Update : just decided to post this bc things are going very well and my friend managed to stop before it developed even more so thx so much to everyone who gave advice it was all very helpful thx a lot everyone

That's wonderful news, thank u sm for the update Tom! Hope your friend is proud of themselves for managing to stop and well done you for being such a caring friend and for looking out for a friend in need, you should be proud of yourself  

[ProffesorSparkles]

9 minutes ago, Megs- said:

So happy to hear things are going well at the moment, how are you doing Tom? Hope you’re doing great  

I’m doing great megs how about you?

[Megs-]

Just now, ProffesorSparkles said:

I’m doing great megs how about you?

I’m ok thank you Tom! Been up to anything nice recently?

[ProffesorSparkles]

Just now, Megs- said:

I’m ok thank you Tom! Been up to anything nice recently?

Not really, just normal life haha. How about you?

[Megs-]

Just now, ProffesorSparkles said:

Not really, just normal life haha. How about you?

Not much ha. Aw hugs . Always here if you need anything, or if you need to talk im here just give me a tag and I’ll support you

[AshtonBeach]

On 4/23/2024 at 2:03 PM, ProffesorSparkles said:

Update : just decided to post this bc things are going very well and my friend managed to stop before it developed even more so thx so much to everyone who gave advice it was all very helpful thx a lot everyone

So proud of them! 

[Luie]

On 4/9/2024 at 4:35 PM, ProffesorSparkles said:

I tried to talk to them about what was making them want to do it but they never really answer that question, just saying “lots” and they would keep saying that whenever I try ask

So a few of their friends know as well as me, and their cousin and their  bf. We are all encouraging them to tell an adult, like their parent or someone at school.

I hear you on this. You all are doing your best. 

[Luie]

On 4/23/2024 at 7:03 PM, ProffesorSparkles said:

Update : just decided to post this bc things are going very well and my friend managed to stop before it developed even more so thx so much to everyone who gave advice it was all very helpful thx a lot everyone

This is surely such great news, thank you for the update and sharing it with us here @ProffesorSparkles!