I really need help

[vega]

It has been a very long time since I last posted and a lot has been happening. 
 

gender is effing me up 

i am so confused because it’s like it’s been fading and then increasing but in a different gender, like oh I’m a girl, less a girl, enby? A little masc? Sort of girl again? It’s quite frankly terrifying and it’s taking up a lot of energy. I’ve been doing so much reasearch trying to see if I’m any thing but it’s so hard to tell and on top of that there is sexuality. I have identified with being a lesbian for a few years now, but if I am some how partly a guy how am I supposed to identify? I’ve been wondering if this makes me bi or pan or something similar. 
on top of all this I have been struggling with my family and their very conservative veiws, it was bad enough not knowing how they would react with me being lesbian(?) but now I know nothing good would come from being genderqueer. The thing is I know this will take some time but it’s been eating me up

another thing is the self doubt I’m constantly living in and I’m wondering if maybe I’m just faking being gay or genderqueer. It’s exahausting and nothing is helping, I’ve resorted to those stupid online quizzes but even they ask for preferred pronouns and I’m not sure anymore. 

[TheToaster765]

I mean you don't always have to be 100% correct when labeling yourself. Labels are just a vague way of describing how you feel, but they aren't always exact. Of course, you can use microlabels, but that's optional and even then, only goes so far. And a lot of people just use the term queer or genderqueer if they don't have a specific label that defines them. And as time goes on, you learn more about yourself, and the way you described yourself, won't necessarily be true or accurate anymore. And as far as sexuality goes, there are many terms people use to describe who their attracted to other than just "straight, gay, bi" such as gynophile and androphile, especially if they aren't entirely a man or woman. Because as you said, it's confusing trying to label that.

But all in all, it's important to remember that labels don't really mean much and they aren't always going to be 100% accurate. Use what makes you feel most comfortable regardless of the "strict" definition.

[Emberfrost12]

On 3/29/2024 at 9:35 PM, vega said:

It has been a very long time since I last posted and a lot has been happening. 
 

gender is effing me up 

i am so confused because it’s like it’s been fading and then increasing but in a different gender, like oh I’m a girl, less a girl, enby? A little masc? Sort of girl again? It’s quite frankly terrifying and it’s taking up a lot of energy. I’ve been doing so much reasearch trying to see if I’m any thing but it’s so hard to tell and on top of that there is sexuality. I have identified with being a lesbian for a few years now, but if I am some how partly a guy how am I supposed to identify? I’ve been wondering if this makes me bi or pan or something similar. 
on top of all this I have been struggling with my family and their very conservative veiws, it was bad enough not knowing how they would react with me being lesbian(?) but now I know nothing good would come from being genderqueer. The thing is I know this will take some time but it’s been eating me up

another thing is the self doubt I’m constantly living in and I’m wondering if maybe I’m just faking being gay or genderqueer. It’s exahausting and nothing is helping, I’ve resorted to those stupid online quizzes but even they ask for preferred pronouns and I’m not sure anymore. 

Don't feel the need to label. I have spent so much energy doing that, historically, and at some point I stopped trying and now I just feel so much more confident in my identity. You could look into gender fluidity, however, if you really feel the need for a label. As for sexuality, you don't necessarily need a label either, and sometimes it's easier to just say 'I like girls/women' rather than 'So, like, I'm a lesbian but not a lesbian? And sometimes I'm technically straight, 'cause you know, gender'

I know that it's hard. I don't know how old you are, but you only have a few years left under their 'protection', and it's such a tiny fraction of your time alive. if they are very conservative, it might be best to play the waiting game, and I'm really sorry that I have to say that.

Those stupid online quizzes are just that - stupid. I think you're overfocused on this, and you have to remember that it's a small, small part of your identity. Important, yes, but it doesn't define you. Just about every queer person who has grown up around conservative views has at least a small amount of doubt of their identity for the first few months or even years. I can say that confidently because I've been through it. I know it's difficult, but do your best to not focus on the labeling and that part of your identity, and focus on other parts of your identity - Your hobbies, Who you are as a person, Your values. Because that, not your gender or sexuality, is really what's important to who you are