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Being aroace makes me feel kinda defective sometimes


Zach Cant Focus    

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Idk I'm getting to an age now where a lot of my friends are getting into relationships or trying to, and I just feel kinda weird about it. Like I'll see them talking about their crushes/partners and I'll feel like jealous almost? Not in a way like I want a partner but that I want to want one. Like i'm still like "icky gross" but I wish I wasn't. Finding out I was aro was very freeing in a lot of ways but I also kind of hate it. Like I still want to socialize with people y'know just not romantically. Maybe I'm lucky I don't have to deal with heartbreak and whatnot but like I feel so weird just sitting there listening to my friends talk about who they like just like knowing I'll never feel that. Love songs make me sad now too even when I really want to be able to enjoy them.

Just sucks ig. Like in some ways it's something I don't have to deal with but idk

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Like shit dude sometimes I feel like I don't fit in with my friends at all (it's not just this)

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1 hour ago, Zach Cant Focus said:

Like shit dude sometimes I feel like I don't fit in with my friends at all (it's not just this)

Like they seriously exhaust me sometimes. They complain constantly (ik, ironic for me to say rn but still), keep falling for obvious rage bait, everything is life and death to them and I'm sick of having to hang out with the ones I don't like because they're hanging out with the ones that I feel are real friends

And I know this isn't even their fault but I either slightly dislike or are completely neutral on a lot of their interests

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  • Digital Mentor

Hi @Zach Cant Focus. I’m Mestizo, one of the Support Mentors for Ditch the Label. It sounds like you are having a tough time with some of your friendships not just around feeling disconnected from identifying as aro, but also just in general because of their constant complaining. Is that correct? I can imagine how frustrating it most be to not enjoy what many of them are interested in and having to hangout with others you don’t like to be able to hangout with those you consider to be your real friends. How have you been managing these last few days? Is there anything in particular you’d find helpful to further explore or discuss that might be helpful to you and your situation? 

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On 3/28/2024 at 7:11 PM, Zach Cant Focus said:

Like they seriously exhaust me sometimes. They complain constantly (ik, ironic for me to say rn but still), keep falling for obvious rage bait, everything is life and death to them and I'm sick of having to hang out with the ones I don't like because they're hanging out with the ones that I feel are real friends

And I know this isn't even their fault but I either slightly dislike or are completely neutral on a lot of their interests

Woah, wait a sec - That's legit my problem with my friends too. I can't stand complaining, they keep falling for bait/tricks, they panic if I say anything even just barely aggressive/annoyed, I have to hang out with people I don't really like because the people I actually want to hang out with spend time around them, and they are all obsessed with games/movies/pop culture that I do not play/watch/understand, it makes me feel defective when they keep referencing them. I'm also the only one who seems to have certain boundaries about what can be joked about. 

I don't know why I'm writing this, but I guess, just know you're not the only one

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8 hours ago, Mestizo said:

Hi @Zach Cant Focus. I’m Mestizo, one of the Support Mentors for Ditch the Label. It sounds like you are having a tough time with some of your friendships not just around feeling disconnected from identifying as aro, but also just in general because of their constant complaining. Is that correct? I can imagine how frustrating it most be to not enjoy what many of them are interested in and having to hangout with others you don’t like to be able to hangout with those you consider to be your real friends. How have you been managing these last few days? Is there anything in particular you’d find helpful to further explore or discuss that might be helpful to you and your situation? 

I don't know, I guess I'm lucky to have them, but I struggle to communicate with them when they do stuff that bothers me. Usually I will just like, shun them for a week until they apologize which I know isn't the best strategy.

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7 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Woah, wait a sec - That's legit my problem with my friends too. I can't stand complaining, they keep falling for bait/tricks, they panic if I say anything even just barely aggressive/annoyed, I have to hang out with people I don't really like because the people I actually want to hang out with spend time around them, and they are all obsessed with games/movies/pop culture that I do not play/watch/understand, it makes me feel defective when they keep referencing them. I'm also the only one who seems to have certain boundaries about what can be joked about. 

I don't know why I'm writing this, but I guess, just know you're not the only one

Yeah all of that really describes my situation too, like I love 'em but sometimes they need to CALM DOWN about shit.

Some of them like to pick random fights with other people like, while we're hanging out

There's no reason for that

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On 4/3/2024 at 4:37 PM, Zach Cant Focus said:

Yeah all of that really describes my situation too, like I love 'em but sometimes they need to CALM DOWN about shit.

Some of them like to pick random fights with other people like, while we're hanging out

There's no reason for that

Yeah. Sounds like we're in the same situation

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I always don't fit in with my friends. They are just friends nothing serious. They are just like classmates whom we meet every day. I know I am different that's why I try to highlight the same fact and show them I am unique.

Obviously if you are just the same like everyone else what's special about you. You would just be another impression of a stamp(identical). The thing different from the crowd makes you special. Be that special one.

Do you know it kinda feels fun you know to say I'm not like you?

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A real tip you can keep your self engaged by solving Suduko or anything else(better if it's available offline). It really helps me. 

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